Much has happened over the course of a few days or better yet, Thursday night/Friday morning. I didn't hear from him for 2 days and I stopped trying to manifest him and I stopped doing PW. Two days later I ended up hearing from him and it was about some festival I went to and him saying that he wished he had gone too. I actually did respond back to his message politely saying it was a great time and that he should have gone and wished him well with his upcoming competition this coming weekend. He has sent me random messages here and there but I quit responding when I really turned inward and started thinking about things. Much of what happened the other night and the random messages has hindered me and I have back tracked and fallen backwards on my journey and also realizing that he is just playing with my emotions and my head, I decided today that I was no longer going to allow him to treat me the way that he is. If he comes back, cool, if not, whatever. I feel too many negatives feelings towards him now after realizing he is just using my life as a revolving door and I deserve better than that. 

Amazonne wrote:

wanderlusting wrote:

The "not being ready" is something that he used on me 3 years ago when he ended things back then but after months and nearly a year and a half of not being together, I was able to manifest him back to me. Now, 3 years later, he is saying and doing the same thing. I don't know if it comes down to the fact that he feels so much pressure as a man to be able to have his life together and to be able to be a provider that society deems men to be. I know that we had a pretty rocky relationship with lots of ups and downs and in many ways, we just were not right for each other. But I do believe that with me going to therapy and continuing to work on myself and if he were to make the decision to work on himself, that we could both have the relationship that we both have always wanted with each other. I knew throughout the years, we have always found our way back to each other. Don't know if that is the whole "twin flame" "soulmate" definition that people refer to in the spirituality world. Throughout the past month, I never begged or pleaded for him to give me a chance. When he ended things, I walked away with my head held high and I wished him all the happiness in the world. Even though I didn't agree with his decision, I respected his need for time and space like he asked of me. I just didn't know what after a month, he would still be so adamant about not working towards getting back together. He did say last night that he would love to see and spend time with me every now and again, but I don't really think that would be healthy for me to do that since my attachment is still so strong to him and I would want to act on feelings and emotions that are similar to that of a relationship. I have worked so hard to get to the point of detaching and letting him go, that I manifested him back but with what was said about not being ready and at a point in his life, I feel all those emotions that I thought I had once given up that are associated with loss, pain, and hurt. He did compliment last night how much I have changed and told me how he wishes that how I am now, that I had been that way the whole time that we were together. The good news is that I am showing changes and I am showing improvement. He just thinks that neither one of us are at a point in each others' lives that a relationship would be conducive to both of us changing and healing. He told me he wished he would have been a better boyfriend to me while we were together but he has had a lot of inner struggles going on for years that he couldn't fully open up to me. I told him last night that I was going to continue moving on and that I wasn't going to wait for him this time. That I love being in a relationship and if he happens to take to long, that he may one day wake up and realize that he lost someone good but that I may very well be with someone else by then. Of course, that goes with the "time" thing I was referring to. He told me he doesn't want me to move on but knows that he could never ask that of me and told me that he knows that I could have any guy that I wanted (his whole demeanor changed after saying that and a look of sadness and despair swept across his face). 
Before he left my house last night, I told him that after he leaves, that it is best not to talk, see, or have anything to do with each other for at least a minimum of one year. He said okay to that. Now I really don't want that to happen but every couple of weeks I cannot have him coming and going as he pleases leaving me on an emotional roller coaster. I will never heal that way. The last thing that happened before he left, he kissed me a few times, told me he didn't want to leave, that good byes were the hardest for him with me, and that he loved me. 

Sorry for the long response. I just feel in order to get the best advice or responses back, I need to give as much of the story and detail and not leave important things out. Oh yeah, and his father is 100% supportive of the break up and doesn't want us getting back together. Granted, we are both in our late 20s and have been on and off for 6 years. 

 

Hey, I don't really know what more advice to give. Whatever you're bringing up from the past, you are giving importance. What he said 3 years ago, or yesterday or the day before, does not matter. Unless you decide to give it power, it has none. If he knows you're not going to stick around, and you know you don't want any contact, then that's good. Keep no contact, but don't victimize yourself if he wants to reach out. I made the mistake of attracting my ex then being angry that he "wasn't allowing me to heal" when only I was responsible for my healing, and at those times I was insecure that he would want me back so I assumed the worst. Of course it's easier said than done, but only you determine the meaning of things. Take time off, decide what you want, take days off even trying any sort of techniques that involve him. And when you're in a better place, if you decide you want him, then create that reality and don't let anything from the past or even current reality stop you.

If you know you're meant for each other, then why worry about the now? Circumstances don't matter

The "not being ready" is something that he used on me 3 years ago when he ended things back then but after months and nearly a year and a half of not being together, I was able to manifest him back to me. Now, 3 years later, he is saying and doing the same thing. I don't know if it comes down to the fact that he feels so much pressure as a man to be able to have his life together and to be able to be a provider that society deems men to be. I know that we had a pretty rocky relationship with lots of ups and downs and in many ways, we just were not right for each other. But I do believe that with me going to therapy and continuing to work on myself and if he were to make the decision to work on himself, that we could both have the relationship that we both have always wanted with each other. I knew throughout the years, we have always found our way back to each other. Don't know if that is the whole "twin flame" "soulmate" definition that people refer to in the spirituality world. Throughout the past month, I never begged or pleaded for him to give me a chance. When he ended things, I walked away with my head held high and I wished him all the happiness in the world. Even though I didn't agree with his decision, I respected his need for time and space like he asked of me. I just didn't know what after a month, he would still be so adamant about not working towards getting back together. He did say last night that he would love to see and spend time with me every now and again, but I don't really think that would be healthy for me to do that since my attachment is still so strong to him and I would want to act on feelings and emotions that are similar to that of a relationship. I have worked so hard to get to the point of detaching and letting him go, that I manifested him back but with what was said about not being ready and at a point in his life, I feel all those emotions that I thought I had once given up that are associated with loss, pain, and hurt. He did compliment last night how much I have changed and told me how he wishes that how I am now, that I had been that way the whole time that we were together. The good news is that I am showing changes and I am showing improvement. He just thinks that neither one of us are at a point in each others' lives that a relationship would be conducive to both of us changing and healing. He told me he wished he would have been a better boyfriend to me while we were together but he has had a lot of inner struggles going on for years that he couldn't fully open up to me. I told him last night that I was going to continue moving on and that I wasn't going to wait for him this time. That I love being in a relationship and if he happens to take to long, that he may one day wake up and realize that he lost someone good but that I may very well be with someone else by then. Of course, that goes with the "time" thing I was referring to. He told me he doesn't want me to move on but knows that he could never ask that of me and told me that he knows that I could have any guy that I wanted (his whole demeanor changed after saying that and a look of sadness and despair swept across his face). 
Before he left my house last night, I told him that after he leaves, that it is best not to talk, see, or have anything to do with each other for at least a minimum of one year. He said okay to that. Now I really don't want that to happen but every couple of weeks I cannot have him coming and going as he pleases leaving me on an emotional roller coaster. I will never heal that way. The last thing that happened before he left, he kissed me a few times, told me he didn't want to leave, that good byes were the hardest for him with me, and that he loved me. 

Sorry for the long response. I just feel in order to get the best advice or responses back, I need to give as much of the story and detail and not leave important things out. Oh yeah, and his father is 100% supportive of the break up and doesn't want us getting back together. Granted, we are both in our late 20s and have been on and off for 6 years. 

Amazonne wrote:

He clearly cares, clearly still loves you, but it's the confidence that you will always be there waiting for him that could keep him away. When you take control of your happiness, keep yourself busy with other things, always thinking only positively about him, he will be undeniably drawn to you. There is no need to figure out what he meant, no need to limit yourself to any time frame. He will always reflect what you are feeling. If you feel that he is missing you and dying to be with you again, that is what he will reflect. If you feel he is going out and enjoying being single much more than being with you, then that is all you will see. You are the prize! YOU ARE THE FREAKING PRIZE! You are not some girl who's gonna lie around waiting for his return, you have an exciting life! You have thrilling hobbies and goals you're working towards- he wants to be a part of that! Focus on how awesome you are, how much he is missing out on until he returns. I'm not saying forget about him at all- no ways, there is definitely something special there. But take some time out for yourself, you are the priority. You are the one who determines that. Even simply being happier about a random thing or two will bring him closer to you. 

Hope this helps ❤️

Hey, girl I understand what you're going through, but my ex pretty much told me the same thing once, about "not being ready" and all, but it was my desperation that kept him away. Those months until we got back together I spent so sad and lonely and sporadically texting him and confessing feelings and all. Until I finally decided to take control and was ready to move on and be happy- that's when we got back together. It most definitely does not have to take years to discover oneself- and being in a relationship does not restrict someone from finding their passion. Being single can be used as an opportunity to focus on oneself but it definitely is not a requirement, so get that out of your mind first. There is absolutely no need to try figure out what he meant by any of this, it will just keep that undesired reality active when IT DOES NOT MATTER! 

He clearly cares, clearly still loves you, but it's the confidence that you will always be there waiting for him that could keep him away. When you take control of your happiness, keep yourself busy with other things, always thinking only positively about him, he will be undeniably drawn to you. It does not have to take forever, but as Oasiscalm put in a post once: if he were to come back in 30 days, what would you do until then? Are you gonna count down the days or enjoy your life, making yourself better and happier so when he comes back he is in awe of you? And you are in awe of yourself! 

There is no need to figure out what he meant, no need to limit yourself to any time frame. He will always reflect what you are feeling. If you feel that he is missing you and dying to be with you again, that is what he will reflect. If you feel he is going out and enjoying being single much more than being with you, then that is all you will see. You are the prize! YOU ARE THE FREAKING PRIZE! You are not some girl who's gonna lie around waiting for his return, you have an exciting life! You have thrilling hobbies and goals you're working towards- he wants to be a part of that! Focus on how awesome you are, how much he is missing out on until he returns. I'm not saying forget about him at all- no ways, there is definitely something special there. But take some time out for yourself, you are the priority. You are the one who determines that. Even simply being happier about a random thing or two will bring him closer to you. 

Hope this helps ❤️

So, I don't know if many of you guys have kept up with my biweekly updates to my situation but throughout this past week, my guy had been messaging me every couple of days. On my way on from work last night, he ended up calling me but I didn't answer because I had entered back into no contact after what happened a couple of weeks ago. Well, due to me not responding back to text messages nor answering his phone call, he ended up showing up at my house last night. We sat outside and talked for hours and poured our hearts out to each other after one month after the break up. He told me that he still very much so loved me, that he has missed me, wanted to see and spend time with me, that he thinks about me everyday and all the time, checks up on my social networking sites, but he isn't at a place in his life right now where he feels like he would be able to invest emotionally and mentally into a relationship. He told me that he wishes he would have gone about the break up differently and wishes he would have continued talking to me, hanging out with me every now and again, and giving me another chance. He knows that I am in therapy and he sends me messages every other week or so telling me how proud of me he is and how much he admires me; that I have made him want to change and become a better person and man. He told me that while he does miss having the things that come with a relationship, he is content with being single because he doesn't feel restricted in the things that he is doing now, ie, going out, spending time with friends, focusing on himself, training for his competitions, and just spending time to himself. He told me that while he knew it was selfish of him to show up, that he really missed me, has missed having me in his life, and that he wanted to see me. I kept my cool the majority of the night and showed him that happy, outgoing, bubbly personality that I had when we first met that he had fallen in love with. I think what hurts me the most is how we we both love each other deeply and do want to be with each other, but he just doesn't feel like he is at a time and place in his life to actually have a relationship. He feels he needs to do some self-discovery and find what he wants out of life and what makes him happy. He told me that he has been struggling with depression and that he feels lost. It was truly sad to sit there and watch him have so much sadness and pain coming from him. I just wanted to wrap him in my arms and fix all that is broken within him. He was very complimenting, very loving, and very affectionate last night while we were hanging out. I even asked him about a future and he said that he knows that one day that he will want a relationship again but not for a while until he figures things out in his life. He told me that even though he knows it to be selfish, he doesn't want me to move on or find someone else because in the back of his mind, he has "what if" that replays over and over but he did proceed to tell me that he just isn't the right person for me and that I deserve better and that he always felt like he was holding me back. One big thing he told me, he said that if him and I ever got back together, it would be with a ring, with the intention of getting married. Him saying that really through me for a loop because I know that many people spend years and years trying to work on themselves and trying to find their purpose in life. I think it comes down to that I am worried about the "time" it would take for our lives to intertwine again. So, I feel stuck. Last night felt amazing and it was great and I couldn't have asked for a better tonight, but I am struggling today with his absence and feeling the loss and rejection all over again. I knew what I was setting myself up for last night but I wanted to stay positive and I wanted to believe that miracles do happen everyday. So, to give you guys an update, I did manifest him back in my life when I let go and I detached from him. My biggest concern is, where do I go from here? What steps do I take to keep moving forward? Sometimes I feel like I take two steps forward just to fall back all over again. I am really trying to stay positive and grateful today but I am overwhelmed once again with negative feelings and emotions of loss, grief, sorrow, and crying the majority of the day. Does anyone have any advice or could give me some insight?