Lanie Stevens wrote:

eleven wrote:

Hi beautiful ladies,

Now, I know the simple answer to this would be to not talk about the current reality and visualize what I want to happen...but I can't help but feel really confused about this situation. I'd like your advice on something that is currently going on with my guy.

So, we talk every day through text and the other night he messaged me when he got home from his work Christmas party. He asked what I was doing and I told him I had just gotten off the phone and was going to go to sleep. I fell asleep, but the next morning realized that he had replied with: "on the phone :o with who? Why so late?"

I replied telling him it was a childhood friend and get this...he replies with: "was it a guy?"

I explained to him how I know him and after that he completely disappeared on me. It's been over 24 hours and I tried changing the subject yesterday, but he just isn't messaging. This isn't like him as we usually talk throughout the day.

I'm so confused by his reaction and am not sure what to do :/

Don't be quick to reassure him!  Let him be the one guessing just like he keeps you guessing about what he is doing.  When he found out there was no threat he disappeared again.  Think of a child exploring and all of a sudden their mother is out of sight.  They panic and quickly run to find her.  When they do they are comforted and go off exploring again.  Next time be sweet, kind but vague.  He doesn't need to know who you're talking to!  Just change the subject and don't offer too much information!  He'll be back!  :-)
 

Hi Lanie! Thanks for the advice He actually messaged me last night after not speaking to me for almost 2 days and he told me he is upset and doesn't have time for this right now as he is in the middle of exams and needs to focus. -.- I just ended up asking him why he is upset and that maybe he can tell me when he's done exams.

So he finally texted me during the night and said he's upset and can't deal with these things right now because he's in the middle of exams and needs to focus...

Thanks for your reply getitgirl! Oh man, he really wanted to see you, didn't he haha When he returned, did he apologize for his reaction or did he just go on as normal?

I haven't thought about it in that light. For me, I just saw it as him acting really jealous over me talking with another guy (childhood friend or not) so late at night and it just seems like he is upset now because he is ignoring me. It is just silly to be so upset with me when he was the one who ended our relationship after 5 years. I guess it shows me that the feelings are really still strong and there, but I am not sure what he expects from me, you know? And the funny part is, I wasn't even talking to this guy casually and being all flirty, etc. I was literally helping him out with something lol -.-

getitgirl wrote:

eleven wrote:

I explained to him how I know him and after that he completely disappeared on me. It's been over 24 hours and I tried changing the subject yesterday, but he just isn't messaging. This isn't like him as we usually talk throughout the day.

I'm so confused by his reaction and am not sure what to do :/

Don't worry girl, he's just dealing with his own emotions. He'll come back and be normal again. I've had something similar happen to me before with my ex from a few years ago. 6 months after I broke up with him, we reconnected, started talking/flirting, and he asked me out the next day but I said I couldn't meet up.  

All was fine until the next day, we started talking - he asked what I was doing, and I said I was eating a chocolate bar while shopping downtown. He (assuming I was alone) then said, "You have time to go eat a chocolate bar and shop and not meet me?" 

My jaw dropped, WTF was that shit! So I replied, "WTF, I'm shopping with my mom. Of course I can't meet up with you even though I'm downtown." (I never introduced him to my mom.)

After that he started feeling really stupid, and disappeared for DAYS! He did get his act together after that though. 

What this really means is your guy is just feeling kind of stupid for being jealous (because you explained it was a childhood friend). 

He just needs time to recover from it because he realizes how insecure his reaction was. 

That's all it is. Continue on, don't worry about him!! 

Edit: Now that I think about it, I wonder if I could have prevented my ex from disappearing for a few days if I lightened him up instead of going WTF on him, e.g. "No I'm shopping with my mom, of course I can't meet up with you. But I'm thinking of you the entire time ;) ;)" That way it might make him feel a little less stupid. 

Like if you replied, "It was just a childhood friend. I wished I was talking on the phone with you instead though!" - maybe he wouldn't have distanced himself. 
 

eleven wrote:

I explained to him how I know him and after that he completely disappeared on me. It's been over 24 hours and I tried changing the subject yesterday, but he just isn't messaging. This isn't like him as we usually talk throughout the day.

I'm so confused by his reaction and am not sure what to do :/

Don't worry girl, he's just dealing with his own emotions. He'll come back and be normal again. I've had something similar happen to me before with my ex from a few years ago. 6 months after I broke up with him, we reconnected, started talking/flirting, and he asked me out the next day but I said I couldn't meet up.  

All was fine until the next day, we started talking - he asked what I was doing, and I said I was eating a chocolate bar while shopping downtown. He (assuming I was alone) then said, "You have time to go eat a chocolate bar and shop and not meet me?" 

My jaw dropped, WTF was that shit! So I replied, "WTF, I'm shopping with my mom. Of course I can't meet up with you even though I'm downtown." (I never introduced him to my mom.)

After that he started feeling really stupid, and disappeared for DAYS! He did get his act together after that though. 

What this really means is your guy is just feeling kind of stupid for being jealous (because you explained it was a childhood friend). 

He just needs time to recover from it because he realizes how insecure his reaction was. 

That's all it is. Continue on, don't worry about him!! 

Edit: Now that I think about it, I wonder if I could have prevented my ex from disappearing for a few days if I lightened him up instead of going WTF on him, e.g. "No I'm shopping with my mom, of course I can't meet up with you. But I'm thinking of you the entire time ;) ;)" That way it might make him feel a little less stupid. 

Like if you replied, "It was just a childhood friend. I wished I was talking on the phone with you instead though!" - maybe he wouldn't have distanced himself. 
 

Hi sweetie, keep up the PW on him for now. When you have a negative thought, stop yourself and change it to something like "X loves me and he will contact me soon".