Ratpack wrote:

Piper wrote:

Avaelle wrote:

I think there are a mix of reasons. 

If they've taken a few steps away from you,  contact could make them take even more steps back.

If you're an emotional wreck already, not getting a reply or a negative reply could shake you up even more.

But,  I don't think it's a set in stone rule to not contact them but it is a good idea.

No contact first, so you can get your emotions in check so that when they do contact, you aren't begging and pleading - that's a turn-off. Second, you want them to miss you and think you are fine without them. It's like reverse psychology in a way. 

It's not set in stone, no, but to be honest, if your guy messages you, you should reply back as long as it is not fighting; it should always be positive. I know that when my guy messages me, I will be replying back the same day and not waiting days. 

Thanks! That kind of threw me off not to respond for several days. I can certainly understand being too busy to get back immediately, but several days seems like overkill. I'm not one to wait several days to get back to anyone and he knows I have a big issue with manners. Not to respond for days seems pretty rude to me, but, again, I've never done that to anyone, let alone someone I care about...

I agree. I get going NC until you get your emotions in order, but once your guy contacts, I'm not sure why some wouldn't reply within the same day. The whole point of doing these techniques is to bring the person back to you, and hopefully you've learned and grew in the process. If they contact and want to talk because they miss you, then they deserve a reply back. I don't like games and playing like that is playing games imho. 

 

Indigo wrote:

DeDe651 wrote:

But l had ignored him once already and he reached out again. I'm all for not being readily available, but at what point is it game playing?

I wasn't available the first time (4 days prior to him texting) but of course since I do actually want to converse with him I did text back on his second outreach.

I know for myself that if someone texts or calls me twice and I don't get back to them, eventually they may stop calling.

We will have to agree to disagree, but of course thank you for your input and contribution to the thread! ❤️
  

  
  
You are concerned about playing games when the reality is that you are the
one who is getting played.  You are the one left to wonder why he did not
respond and I told you.  If you don't return his calls and he stops calling
then he stops calling.  It's not the end of your world.  What you are doing
is not working otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.  Anyway,
it is quite alright if you refuse the advice that was given, if not you it
helps someone else and that is all that matters.
 

whether you wait an hour or a week to reply to his message; is not the true issue at hand. It's your energy and intent.

If you sit there saying "oh I'm going to wait 12/24/36 hrs to reply to his message etc etc " you are playing a losing hand. Because you have missed the purpose in what you are doing.

It's all about what is the energy you are radiating. When you feel like he is your only option you will be rushing to reply to message because you fear losing him. If you can get to a place of confidence and belief, you won't be worried about game playing.

The core is to become confident and reflect an energy which shows you aren't in fear or desperation of losing him because you didn't reply to his message in the correct time frame.

Indigo wrote:

Oasiscalm wrote:

Actually to my memory two people have been banned.

And both of them were banned for being argumentative and disrespectful to Lanie & other forum members.
  

  
  
I was wondering what happened to those two.  Thanks for the info.

And thank you also for your inputs but I prefer to tailor my posts
based on Lanie's teachings since I am in agreement with her for
the most part.
  
 
 

You do exactly as you wish, there is no directive here.

Oasiscalm wrote:

Actually to my memory two people have been banned.

And both of them were banned for being argumentative and disrespectful to Lanie & other forum members.
  

  
  
I was wondering what happened to those two.  Thanks for the info.

And thank you also for your inputs but I prefer to tailor my posts
based on Lanie's teachings since I am in agreement with her for
the most part.
  
 
 

Oasiscalm wrote:

Loooool

Based on what you have just said there shouldn't be a sub section which has links for other resources etc.

This is a forum which Lanie set up so everyone had a place to have support and empower each other with knowledge. It's not solely and only to regurgitate the books verbatim.

In all the time I've been on this forum the discussion has been open. Open to using methods for ladies to get what thy desire. To my knowledge there has never been an instance where Lanie came on here said don't discuss that because it's not in my book. In fact I recall the first time we discussed EFT on here long before Lanie's current book and she joined in the discussion and continued to advocate it; and as she has been user of it for so many years it was fantastic that she added it to her new book.
  

  
  
So in all the time you've been here, no one has ever been banned???

Is that what you're saying???

So people can just talk about WHATEVER THEY WANT???
  
  
 

Oasiscalm wrote:

What does that even mean.....

What am I not allowed to say something because Lanie said it differently in her books. Is it not my freedom of speech ......

I don't think Lanie is looking to create disciples of her "theories". She is given advice and guidance.

I'm sure she is humble enough to know anything I write on here fully supports her "theories" whether I say it in exactly or slightly different to how she says it.
  

  
  
What it means is are we here to discuss LANIE's books and theories or YOURS???

Or MINE???

Because I'm not trying to be a DISCIPLE, I just happen to agree with most of what
Lanie says.

But honestly, as I've stated before, my form of NC is to let the dude know that he can
just KMA forever and drive on.  Because when I'm done, I'm done.  I personally don't
believe in any of this I'm-gonna-get-my-boyfriend-back business.  It's too many men
out here for me.  If he cheated or mistreated me or whatever, why would I want him
back???  That's my philosophy on that.

So when these ladies post about how they are in NC and how they want to get their
man back, should I just post a rant about what I really think they should do about it
or should I post about what Lanie writes in her books???  Because last time I 
checked this is not the INDIGO forum.

Please let me know what is acceptable here.  
  
  
 

Indigo wrote:

DeDe651 wrote:

I've read all five books of Lanie's. The last time I responded to him was Sunday so I felt that it was appropriate to text back. I understand waiting a day or two normally but after waiting four days already and he texted AGAIN it didn't make sense to wait an extra day.
  

  
  
If you are in NC, then be in NC.  Why were you in contact if you're doing NC?  
NC is not about you waiting for him, or how many days have passed, or how
much you miss him or how badly you want to hear his mellifluous voice.  It's
about making him wait for you instead of confirming that you are available.
Letting him know that you are sitting by your phone waiting for his next text
so that you can respond momentarily and not really "focusing on others."  
If you want him to come back to you on your terms, and not the other way 
around, then you would want your NC to be effective.  

But first you must understand the purpose of it so that you apply it
correctly otherwise it is pointless in doing it at all.  

Since this doesn't make sense to you, don't take my word for it.
Lanie covers NC in great detail in BU2MU.  Read it and re-read
until you grasp the concept.
  
  
 
 

But l had ignored him once already and he reached out again. I'm all for not being readily available, but at what point is it game playing?

I wasn't available the first time (4 days prior to him texting) but of course since I do actually want to converse with him I did text back on his second outreach.

I know for myself that if someone texts or calls me twice and I don't get back to them, eventually they may stop calling.

We will have to agree to disagree, but of course thank you for your input and contribution to the thread! ❤️

Indigo wrote:

DeDe651 wrote:

What kind of resistance have you ladies encountered.

I went no contact with my guy and have been focusing on others. This morning he sent two text messages and went ghost when I asked how he was doing back 😂

Does that ever happen with you all? Or something similar?
  

  
  
That's not resistance.  That's him checking to see if he still has you at his beck and call.
According to Lanie, you're supposed to make him wait before contacting him back, like
a day or two or three.  If you're going to implement NC, do it so that it is effective and so
that you get the end result you want.  Not so that you are left wondering why he did not
respond back to you, because now it seems that he has the upper-hand, not you.

If you haven't read Lanie's books, please do so ASAP.
  
  
 

If you have to calculate the length of time you are going to take to reply then you've lost already.

A confident woman doesn't worry about rules and games. It's all about your intention and the energy you are portraying.