jellyb wrote:

I actually have a question about that, Lanie--in PW and other techniques we try to influence the guys to behave in a certain way, but you explain here that we may be trying to create something that doesn't fit with reality. Should we not be trying to work on them altering their behavior through PW then? I think I'm confused!

Honestly I would say if you're not happy with someone's personality or basic characteristics then they are not the person for you. The technique is not about changing their personality.

The technique works to get them to love you, desire you, put you first… But not to change their personality. If they are doing things to hurt you, that they have control over, it can certainly change that. So the behavior I'm talking about changing, in my books, is how they treat you. How to get them to make you a priority.

Lanie Stevens wrote:

BettyBlue wrote:

Hi again everyone,

So I made a thread recently that this guy I had been doing the love spell on was sending me love songs (after we had fought and broken contact). Also he began initiating contact again but was terribly cold.

Well yesterday he sent me another bunch of love song videos, and he had translated them all for me (they were all in his language) they were basically all "I never felt true love until I met you" "you are my whole life" and "I can't live without you" - all that kind of thing. All very very romantic and I responded sweetly to them (I thought). We talked but he avoided any loving words and was still very hard and cold. I felt confused. The songs were saying all this incredible stuff but he was not backing down on his cold hard act at all. I tried to entice him a little bit into being warmer but he just wouldn't budge. He just kept on sending me more intensely romantic songwords. I began to feel overwhelmed by what was happening and I told him that I felt shy and that he was making me blush. He apologised but I said  "no no I like the feeling". He told me then that if I felt hot I should go to find someone to have sex with. That annoyed me but I just finally said I was going and that was that.

This morning I found he had left me the theme music video of Titanic with the subtitles. Well everyone knows that one. I don't need to go into that. I thanked him and told him he had so got into my heart. Then there was still another romantic one in his language but again apart from the words he was so formal to me. 

Finally I had to go. I told him I was going and I said that he was so special to me. He suddenly said "Don't make me special. I don't wanna be special. Got it?" I said "ok sure. So take care" (being dry).

Well this afternoon I came online and found he had unfriended me. He had left a final message saying "Don't lie to me. Don't pretend different if you don't wanna talk. Ok I'm gonna unfriend you. Bye"

I messaged him saying I didn't know what I had done or why he was angry and that if I hadn't been communicative it was because I felt shy of him. Etc etc. He immediately sent me a friend request. I asked him what i had done to upset him but he said "nothing. It's ok" But he said "From now on we are friends only. Nothing more". He asked me briefly about general stuff, gave me a bit of general advice, and that was it. 

Uh..I don't get it at all. Why the Hell is he behaving like this? 

My routine is Love spell, and pw mixed with BWD, but I do slightly longer sessions of around a half hour, twice daily. But I'm feeling that things are getting out of control.

 

I hate to say it but he sounds a little over-the-top dramatic! I hope this doesn't turn out to be "be careful what you wish for". Just keep your eyes open and if the weird behavior continues I would reconsider the relationship. Remember, we have created something in our mind that may not fit into reality. I'm not talking about the technique itself, but just people in general. We have a vision of how a person is based on our limited knowledge of them. I don't want to dampen your spirit about the relationship but I do want you to recognize warning signs.

Thanks, Lanie. 
Yeah, lol, he is a little over dramatic and wants my attention a lot. As it is he has "unfriended" me on facebook and right now we are not speaking. I certainly won't be contacting him. So let's see what happens.
 

BettyBlue wrote:

Hi again everyone,

So I made a thread recently that this guy I had been doing the love spell on was sending me love songs (after we had fought and broken contact). Also he began initiating contact again but was terribly cold.

Well yesterday he sent me another bunch of love song videos, and he had translated them all for me (they were all in his language) they were basically all "I never felt true love until I met you" "you are my whole life" and "I can't live without you" - all that kind of thing. All very very romantic and I responded sweetly to them (I thought). We talked but he avoided any loving words and was still very hard and cold. I felt confused. The songs were saying all this incredible stuff but he was not backing down on his cold hard act at all. I tried to entice him a little bit into being warmer but he just wouldn't budge. He just kept on sending me more intensely romantic songwords. I began to feel overwhelmed by what was happening and I told him that I felt shy and that he was making me blush. He apologised but I said  "no no I like the feeling". He told me then that if I felt hot I should go to find someone to have sex with. That annoyed me but I just finally said I was going and that was that.

This morning I found he had left me the theme music video of Titanic with the subtitles. Well everyone knows that one. I don't need to go into that. I thanked him and told him he had so got into my heart. Then there was still another romantic one in his language but again apart from the words he was so formal to me. 

Finally I had to go. I told him I was going and I said that he was so special to me. He suddenly said "Don't make me special. I don't wanna be special. Got it?" I said "ok sure. So take care" (being dry).

Well this afternoon I came online and found he had unfriended me. He had left a final message saying "Don't lie to me. Don't pretend different if you don't wanna talk. Ok I'm gonna unfriend you. Bye"

I messaged him saying I didn't know what I had done or why he was angry and that if I hadn't been communicative it was because I felt shy of him. Etc etc. He immediately sent me a friend request. I asked him what i had done to upset him but he said "nothing. It's ok" But he said "From now on we are friends only. Nothing more". He asked me briefly about general stuff, gave me a bit of general advice, and that was it. 

Uh..I don't get it at all. Why the Hell is he behaving like this? 

My routine is Love spell, and pw mixed with BWD, but I do slightly longer sessions of around a half hour, twice daily. But I'm feeling that things are getting out of control.

 

I hate to say it but he sounds a little over-the-top dramatic! I hope this doesn't turn out to be "be careful what you wish for". Just keep your eyes open and if the weird behavior continues I would reconsider the relationship. Remember, we have created something in our mind that may not fit into reality. I'm not talking about the technique itself, but just people in general. We have a vision of how a person is based on our limited knowledge of them. I don't want to dampen your spirit about the relationship but I do want you to recognize warning signs.

Golden wrote:

Yes I agree . So glad you didn't respond because that's exactly what he wants ! Probably hoping you would "beg " and plead with him. If you do decide to respond, show that it doesn't bother you or that you didn't even notice the "unfriending" lol Also, very glad you aren't letting this upset you ! If he's doing all of this (paying attention to when you're online, & taking screenshots) then everything you're doing is clearly working.

Even though he is being a bit immature lol no offense...

Lol. Yes I'll just pretend I didn't notice! 

Well I could get upset about it...but on the other hand, he seems to be thinking about me a hell of a lot and doing all kinds of desperate things. So after the initial shock of it all...I feel that I have now turned the tables on him and that I'm the one in control here. 
 

Yes I agree . So glad you didn't respond because that's exactly what he wants ! Probably hoping you would "beg " and plead with him. If you do decide to respond, show that it doesn't bother you or that you didn't even notice the "unfriending" lol  Also, very glad you aren't letting this upset you ! If he's doing all of this (paying attention to when you're online, & taking screenshots) then everything you're doing is clearly working.

Even though he is being a bit immature lol no offense...

Ratpack wrote:

BettyBlue wrote:

Hmmmm so last night he messaged me saying that he knew I was busy while we were chatting and that obviously I had better things to do with my time than chat to him. He said I don't have to reply to him ever again.

This morning he sent me a youtube tutorial so that I can learn his language. He said I can learn that first, then let him know when I need the second part and he will send it to me. He said "best of luck with it". WTF...

I messaged him telling him he'd got it all wrong about me being busy. I told him I value him a lot and that I always really enjoyed connecting with him. Said I didn't understand why he was so upset or what I had done wrong. Blah blah blah. He ignored it. Normally whenever I answer his messages he comes to talk. He stayed away.

He wanted me to grovel in order to ease his insecurity, I think. Clearly I am on his mind a lot. But he needs to grow up and I've had enough of his BS. Sorry guys. Thank you all for helping me but I've just about had it with him now.

 

I would keep it short and sweet. When he says you're too busy, tell him you're not. When he says that you don't have to talk to him, just tell him of course you'll talk to him again. You don't need to put yourself totally out there in order to reassure him. You don't need to chase. I wouldn't send him more than a sentence or two to encourage him, though. You don't need him picking it apart and over analyzing it. Short and sweet and to the point. Putting his fears to rest and stroking his ego are two different things. Don't entertain the negativity.

Thank you, I'll keep this in mind. All of you have been so great for making me feel strong.  

 He has unfriended me on facebook now. Didn't block me, though, lol. So let's see what happens...
 

BettyBlue wrote:

LOAqueen wrote:

He's an attention lover! My guy needs CONSTANT attention and reassurance. The best thing you can do is just let him know you do care about him, but don't feed into his neediness. Try positive reinforcement. Reward him for good behavior, and don't acknowledge his bad behavior (i.e. Being volatile and extra needy)

But it is working! He's overwhelmed and confused and probably suffering from low self esteem! Send him healing positive thoughts. Envision him as being a strong confident man. No woman wants a man who is insecure and unstable!

Yes the more he does this the more I feel he wants me to tell him how much he means to me. He seems to be after that, but then if I do say something he acts like he doesn't really believe it and he implies that my other friends (men, basically) matter more to me than he does. Kind of wanting me to get down on my knees to him and swear undying love. 

Yes I'll imagine him as strong and confident. His insecurity is wearing me down a bit.

Oh girl! He is totally enjoying this. He is suffering from major low self esteem, but he could also be a touch narcissistic. He loves to guilt trip you, he needs constant attention in order to feel validation. I've dealt with this kind of guy before. They get off on people trying to convince them that they care. He knows you do. He just enjoys making you say it over and over again. It's a control thing. My best advice to you is to ignore it and don't feed into it. The best response? "I'm sorry you feel that way". that way, you're not playing into what he wants, and you are making it clear that HE is the only one that feels that way. Don't give into his games, and eventually he will drop it and do one of two things-grow up, cut it out, and start acting like a mature man, or he will get bored and move on. If he gets bored and moves on-it will be to someone else who will constantly feed his ego-and that means that he is far too damaged to have a healthy relationship right now. So let him go. If you act strong and confident, he will mirror your behavior (if he's worth keeping around). Don't play into it-he will respect you more and realize that childish games won't work on you! I know it's hard-but think positively, view yourself as a tall, strong, confident, regal woman who deserves the best, and envision him the same way. Good luck!