This is a long post mostly as I see for some reason I am not able to send individual replies without having to wait for 10minutes each between each post !! I wish this could change its very inconvenient!!

@annanwater good ur not sending another !! I used to be such a doormat and always saying sorry for mistakes that weren't mine with lot of difficulty learnt how to gain my respect back and my energy and power !! So please I'm with u fully for ur decision of not mailin him until he does !  Thank u for ur post I truly appreciate it!!

@jag123 : it's okie v all learn from our mistakes and somehow I feel it's good to make these mistakes cos the lesson seeps into our souls that much deeper post the mistakes !! I made a lot through the years so now I am a good student and I won't act in haste ever !! 😊😘 I followed ur advice and replied to him when I was calm and kept it real short cos I have the habit of sending lengthy messages !! Also I can say I learnt my lesson by reading about many of u sisters who have made these mistakes which made me even more cautious and calm !! Thank u a tonne for the reply !!

@golden: thank u for that ! 😊 I do feel happy for sure ! Yes I won't forget them ! Thank u so much for ur reply! 😊

@indigo: I did read the break up to make up book..yes ur absolutely right I should be open to the gettin back if he is ready to work things on my terms cos I have put up with his bullshit for way way way too long !! I am a lot more stronger than I have ever been in my life thanks to LANIE and all u sisters out here! This has been my first ever on any forum and post joining this forum I have joined a few more but this feels like home to me !! No I won't be intimate so easily and it takes me a lot of time as I can't open up after a very long gap which extends like this for months !! It surely will take me a lot of time to get intimate with him , yes but I do think he is checking to see if I am available to him and I think he got his answer clearly this time tat I am so not !!! I agree with u on this and I love u for this advice !! Thank u very much indigo for ur wonderful advice felt so empowered with all ur support !! Thank u for taking time to reply to my issue !! 😘😘

He knows how you will respond to his message.  Change the response.  Just like you did!  Go for a workout and feel good about yourself.  Screw him!  If you haven't sent him a message you should do so.  "Glad you enjoyed it!  Smiley face"  Don't let the push/pull get you emotionally out of alignment.  xoxoxoxoxo

Don't rush things.  Just sit back and give it time.  He is throwing a little hook in the water but you need to not take the bait.  Make him work for it until he is really, really wanting more!

Avaelle wrote:

I'm confused.

If this is someone you want back, I'd reply. I'd simply be positive and natural and not overthink it.
If this is someone that I wanted nothing further to do with, I'd ignore him. If he had a relationship with the kids, he could maintain that via their parents.

He doesn't know my sister or her husband and since v all stay together he would play when he came down to meet me !! 😊 Maybe it's an excuse to contact me or something genuine cos he likes them a lot ! He is someone I do want back but on my terms! If not I guess I am way stronger and better about movin on if that's what results in him saying no to my terms ! 😊 Thank u for ur advice

I am queen wrote:

Hey LANIE and all my wonderful sisters on the forum !! So it's been close to 4 plus months me and my guy have broken up !! But he's been calling me to wish for New Years for my niece and nephew (who stay with me)on their birthdays even though I had blocked his number he called from his family persons cell to wish them on my phone and apart from that he's sent me a request on Fb and instagram to reconnect which offourse I did not accept as I thought one should follow NC to the T !! Now yesterday he sent me a mail saying he misses me a lot ! And instead of referring to me with my first name he referred to me with my love pet name that he used,to call me all the time !!? I was annoyed cos if the mail was read by a stranger,to them it would look like these 4months of break up never happened and maybe this boyfriend has written a mail telling his girl how much he misses her cos she's gone travelling somewhere or something on those lines !! Example : he said sweetheart (pet name) I am missing u so much !! Hope ur fine etc etc.isnt a break up meant to be a complete break up ? Why would one call a love name to tell their so called ex they are missing them ? . Also he has requested to see my nephew who's about 2 years old his video(he used to be very attached to him and would play with him when he visited my house) !! Infact the email was an excuse for him wanting to see his video as he's missin him a lot !! Should I reply back to his mail? Ignore it some more ? Or send him my nephews video ? If yes what should my reply to him be like ??
THANKS A TONNE FOR THE HELP SISTERS !! 😘😘💐❤
  

  
  
This is what you've been working for, not to be in NC forever.  Lanie covers NC in her new book
BU2MU and you might want to brush up on that.  I would see if he wants to meet up somewhere
neutral, and if he apologizes and he comes correct then this would be the time to start working
towards getting back together.  Definitely don't become intimate with him if he just wants a quick
roll in the hay or if he's just checking to see if you are available for him whenever he wants you.  
Make sure that things are on your terms, that he's going to conduct himself accordingly and
play it by ear.  And if he doesn't act right, you can always NC him until he does.
  
  
 

Make sure you stay calm!!! My boy reached out to me a few weeks ago after 4 months of NC and I was freaking out like you. I undid all of my good work of empowerment and feeling the new relationship real by harping back to the past.  PW and BWD works but you can't forget it about it when they make contact....like  I did.  We ended up rowing, I lost my power and he blocked me again.  I'm back to square one and take full responsibility.  

I would suggest, you calm down and remember who you are now and what relationship you are reaching for.  When you are in that place then reply.  What would the ideal version of you in the ideal version of your relationship reply?  meditate on that and then go for it.

Trust me, you will be so annoyed with yourself if you don't get the result you want because you are coming from a freaked out place. 

I agree with the other ladies--you went NC like Lanie recommends, and he reached out to you. I don't think Lanie means for you to *stay* NC if the guy actually contacts you. It sounds like he genuinely wants to reestablish contact with you, even if you don't know why at the moment.

So reply to this message, keep it simple and friendly.

Well Cos he told me he will never ask me to get back into the relationship!! So what's the point of replying back ? He said it while v broke up that he would never ask me to get back Into the relationship