Thank you for your kind words and I really do empathise with your scenario.
I had a reiki session this afternoon. I began thinking about L when I was on the table and then just drifted off. I imagined, MT'd, dreamed, whatever, that we were in a sunlit field (he had just completed a half-dressed photoshoot at that time, a bit of a joke between us, reminiscing and so on last week about the photograph that was taken all those years ago.) The scene just developed and I told him that I would always love him. Whatever happened in the future, I would love him unconditionally and that he just had to remember this moment. This feels weird because it wasn't him and me as we are now but it was back then, it had a dreamlike quality but it was real too, I hope he got the message - I haven't heard from him today.
It was weird in this "session" we both fell asleep in it and woke up later. I am not sure that this is normal. It felt surreal to me. I have no idea what happened.
What I have learned is that we are like a matryoshka; we put on layers throughout life, we change, but the core and the essence of who we are is always there and that is what I am drawn to. He is the most creative, fascinating and intelligent guy I have met throughout my entire life and I believe I was drawn to him for some such reason all those years ago. I wish we had had the intervening years.
I'm very sorry to hear that your are having to work your way through such an emotionally difficult situation.
I had a partner who passed. It wasn't due to illness, but an accident. We had only been dating for a short while before the accident and for me, I felt like he was the one. I'd been waiting for years for someone like him to show up in my life and when he did, he was gone. Just like that.
I can't begin to tell you how difficult it was to try to understand all of it. Why did we meet? Why him? Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I finally meet him and he died?
The thing is, what I gained from it was so much more rich than any of the above questions. We shared some magical times and in my heart, I know that I gave him love before he left.
We meet our people when we meet them and share the time that we do together with them. This is where it is important to not get overly wrapped up in the way things look and to remember to just be in the moment and to love and live in the moment. This is where the joy happens. Giving him love is beautiful, keep giving it to him. If he's not been open about his illness, I feel you need to respect that, but continue to give love. What is probably important to remember, is that each person, has their own free will and in essence, choose their exit points if you will. Love on him, he will feel it, but also love on yourself too.
Again, I'm so terribly sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I'm not sure I've really answered your question, but sending some love anyone. ❤
Could anyone give me some thoughts on how to handle PW/meditations in this instance please. It's tricky because the man in question is really seriously ill. It's being managed, and he doesn't talk about it - I only know about it from one of his mates. This is all still early stages so he doesn't know that I know how ill he is. Fine, I can cope with that for now, makes it easier for me to treat him the same as anyone else. The thing is that (being honest) he is probably going to die from this at some point. I can cope with it all if I had to, practicalities, all of it. I had a bit of a meltdown last night about it though, crying and saying "don't leave me" over and over (not to him, just in my front room to myself). I've only recently connected with him after so many years and it was just a meltdown. It's not an ex back situation.
When I do visualisations or PW I imagine him when we were younger - I don't see him as ill. He was the most beautiful thing and what's happened now has been awful. In these meditations I get emotional and I worry that I will pass this vibration on to him. I want to tell him (remotely, not on the phone/text/email) that I know all about what he has and I still want him, that it doesn't matter. Should I do this or not? Is it negative? Should I be imagining perfection instead?
Also when I do this, I tell him things such as I will never leave him, I love him, and have him say the same sort of stuff to me. I get emotional however, because I know that he's ill and it makes me cry sometimes and I'm worried about him feeling that too. I just want him to get positive stuff from me, think about me in the way he should, but know how strongly I feel without scaring him. Am I making sense?
I've pulled myself together a bit now, because I don't want to get down because of it - but it is understandable that I am upset, obviously. I'm trying to raise my game now so I am in a generally positive frame of mind.
I just love doing these meditations.
Thanks for all this.