Hi Ladies,

I've been feeling a little down and decided to do some reading. All you are saying is so true but in 'that' moment the sadness/desperation is too overwhelming to beat it. I've been trying to be good, live my life and focus on other things while doing BWD.... I guess it'd still be ok but I'm under impression it's getting worse.... We work together, I try to act like I barely notice him, etc., (you know the game too well) and it looks like my game is catching up with me. He seems to grow colder and colder, and more indifferent towards me (now I feel like I'm barely there or just invissible). I'm not asking for advice because I know exactly what you're going to say and yet I couldn't stop myself from doing this and venting or call it crying  hmmm just feeling a little hopeless.....

I love this whole story and I come back to it often to inspire me. I found Brad Yates through you and he has been my savior!

I hope things are going well for you still. You deserve the best <3

Hello all!  

I wanted to come back with an update.  Firstly to answer the questions (I'm sorry it's taken so long, I felt I needed to say away from the forum while I got my head together)

PrettyBrownEyes - There are a million Brad videos and the beauty of there being so many is that you pick the vid that resonates at that time So, if in that moment you are feeling unworthy tap on that subject.  If you feel like you couldn't imagine your desire manifesting find a vid related to that.  When I'm feeling good, I do the love magnet vid someone mentioned in another thread.  It definitely works, and you know you've moved forward when you really believe what you are tapping on!  Hope that helps? 

Nyusikam - Letting go is really hard and there isn't a set method for doing it.  When I think back, I made a conscious effort to focus on myself when my mind kept drifting to him.  I had to have a list of things I would do to occupy me, like a book loaded on my kindle that I know would absorb me, a podcast I wanted to listen too, cook, binge watch Hayu lol! Anything.  Though it never helped ME to come on a forum like this or research ex back stuff  because my focus would inadveterntly be him.  It's like picking a scab.  You just need to forget it's there for a while. I hope this helps?

Unicorn - You are as always a bright and wise star - I appreciate you and  have PM'd you. 

So for the update - 

He is now making all of the moves.  He calls, he texts he talks about the future.   I can' actually believe I'm typing this because we've come a long way.  The difference now is that I don't feel excited or it's like a miracle.  It feels natural because i've done the work on myself. I'm actually the less open one, I have zero expectations. I have my moments, even as close as this weekend when i'd had too much to drink and we spoke on the phone, but he had to go.  I had too much to drink and my mind went crazy! Was it happening again etc!?  When I woke the next morning, I chalked it up as a blip (I felt like I'd let myself down, not that I said anything bad or wrong, and I hadn't - but I had thought I'd come a way from feeling like that).  I got on with my day, did an extra long tapping session and that evening I got a text saying 'I love you'.  

My work continues to be that this becomes the new normal,  We have never been in a truly committed relationship so this is all new.  I need to get used to the idea of becoming his girlfriend and the truth is it freaks me out at times! Trust me I never truly believed I would have this as a problem but ironically this was what kept him away because my vibration was desperation.  I didn't truly believe he would change but the truth is, it was me that had to change.  When I did, so did he.   So, I tap on Allowing Great things daily and Brad's Why Not Me video  It's truly working, I'm clearing my own blocks to the relationship I want. I'm getting to the place where I truly feel I deserve it.  I do visualise us together before I fall asleep and I know that works because he always contacts me the next day. I am letting him take the lead, I'm too busy working on myself to worry about what he is thinking or what is going to happen next (this was always the issue in the past - hence the blip and the fear around it!)

Some things to note -
1 - I used Neville's revision method on the past and he told me everything as I revised it.  i.e he took responsibility for his past actions, he explained why he couldn't make it work, he told me he always loved me. He told me no one compared to me - especially his last girlfriend (that part was especially satisfying lol!)
We have talked about our past and I genuinely believe we won't get there again. It was a conversation that needed to be had, but we've let it go and it feels wonderful.  There is no more anger there on either side. 

2 - During the date we had the other week, there was a part of the date that happened EXACTLY as I visualised it for MONTHS.  It used to be  my go to scene when I was "trying to get him back".  The moment I started to line up with my desire by letting go, I allowed it to happen. Actually this was all the proof I needed that visualising  really does work. 

3 - By letting go, I am able to enjoy him, but he isn't the focus of my life.  As Abe Hicks says I am creating the environment I need for the future.  I am redecorating my home, I'm eating better to get in shape, I'm really focussing on work.  Why? Because the new me lives in a beautiful home, with a great body and a great job.  So I'm taking action for the universe to match me half way. For me I hasten to add.  I'm enough, but not aim higher?

So this is my latest update! I read my first post and I'm a totally different person. I'm not scared of losing him anymore, I'm not trying anymore but in giving in to both of those things the path continues to unfold the right way.

I hope you are enjoying similar successes!!! Keep working on yourselves ladies and thank you for all of the support! 

J xx

Jag123 wrote:

Hi ladies, 

I posted here when the guy I was with left me for the second time.  As a bit of a backstory we met and it was "magical". He didn't want a committed relationship but met someone else and started up something with her.  I was devastated.  During that time, I went a bit crazy on trying all of these techniques, looking back I was waaaay too attached.  Somehow he did come back, but again looking back, I was attached but didn't do anything wrong I just wanted a relationship.  He left me again for someone else (as I type this I realise how awful he was!), and it took me a long time to get over. I felt like a loser ,a failure and just completely unattractive.  We hadn't had any contact for 10  months....until two days ago. 

For 9 of these 10 months I couldn't get him out of my head, and it affected everything especially my self esteem.  Last month out of sheer desperation I gave up.  I sat in meditation and EFT came to me.  So, I opened YouTube and did some tapping along to Brad Yates.  I've tried it before but never consistently.  I made a decision there and then that I was going to focus on myself.  I was going to be the best me I could be.  I was going to get clear about what I wanted and I was going to manifest them.  I realised  I didn't want THAT relationship anymore or a person who didn't respect me. However, to have the relationship of my dreams and the respect that went with  it, I had to release the blocks I had to both.   I didn't respect myself otherwise I wouldn't be obsessed with someone who treated me so badly.  Somewhere along the line ,I didn't think I deserved the relationship I wanted so I would have settled for him anyway he wanted to be there  (I cringe at this now).  Law of Attraction is a very fair friend, I asked and it was given.  Lol! 

So I tapped everyday for a month, I felt clearer and happier (I love tapping now!) Daily I listed of all the things I was grateful for and the good things in my life.  I woke up an hour earlier each day and spent that time in bed just being still with myself.   During that month so many good things happened.  My relationships changed, new people came in (including new boys - I used to tell myself no one could compare, I can't believe I was happy with that but deep down I didn't believe anyone would want me) , I attracted fun situations but most importantly I felt free of the longing and desperation and the freedom was exhilirating!  I found me again and I loved her so much. 

Anyway (the bit you are waiting for lol!)  two days ago I was away with a friend.  I casually looked at my phone and there was a message from him.  Let me clear, in these 10 months I was blocked on everything, he had a new girlfriend, he ignored every text I sent (so embarassed now in hindsight - because when he unblocked me he would have received them all in one go lol! ).  When I got the message I was desperate for just two months ago I was indifferent. Why?  Because I have changed.  The text was just a "hi how are you" but I was so pathetic then, just a "How are you" would have made me so happy and grateful.     I'm not going back to that. If he wants me then he will either make the effort or there is someone way better.  I hadn't done PW or BWD in months and whilst I believe they work, I couldn't magnetise what I wanted because I was blocking it. Doing it made me depressed and kept me attached as I was doing it out of sheer desperation .  Working on myself allowed this to happen, and the fact I don't feel excited or wondering what will happen next is because the attachment is gone.  I still love him but I love me SO SO much more.  I deserve the best and only the best! 

Part of me wonders what the results would be if I did BWD on him now just as an experiment.  I don't have the same attachment and need,  but I did it for so long before I must have built up a a lot in the cosmic bank  

Good luck with your journeys, but remember this all starts with you and only you.

J x

Hi there
Its really motivating to see people have manifestations.
I had a question, you spoke about tapping with Brad, could you tell me that which videos of his did you follow as there are so many.
Thanks in advance x.

Hi YouOweYourself,

What a lovely message! Im so glad that my journey has helped you , writing everything down helped me get from where I was to where I am.  I received wonderful advice and encouragement which helped tremendously! 

 I meant to post an update this week because what has happened most recently has been a complete transformation.  I am still learning but I can say that my relationship with him is now better than it has ever been. We aren't together as a couple (I know this is because I have a wrinkle in my belief about what is truly possible), but we had a date this weekend and I can say absolutely that this works.  I will try and break it down as much as possible, but no amount of action could have created this, it was all about me and my beliefs about what I believed to be possible between us.  When I worked on those, he came to me. 

So, over the Christmas break I was out of the country.  I decided that it was the perfect opportunity to take a break from it all.  We had been talking sporadically after our fateful meeting, and it was really nice but it was just that. Texting and talking occassionally.  I now look  at that period of time, and recall  all kinds of resistance was being brought up.   In the past, because we were in contact, I would want to discuss it with him  and "get to the bottom of why we were like this"   I became attached to the outcome A LOT and felt "what's the point" A LOT.  However instead of venting here, or texting him drunk with a "WHYYYYYY" I took responsibility as a creator of my own reality and looked at why I was creating these feelings.  I now know this was a key time because I was able to "tap" through what was coming up or feel the resistance until it dissipated (remember what you resists persists) every time I broke through the resistance a bit more, by soothing myself and not looking for him or anything outside of me to feel better,  the way I felt about the/a relationship began to change.  I took no action, I just started to change my thoughts.   

Anyway Christmas came and went. I came back, and I decided to put some distance between our texts and calls - meaning I didn't initiate anything.  Instead, I purely worked on my beliefs and thoughts because as I said a lot was coming up. When I felt in alignment I did reach out to say hi and I was blown away.  HE suggested meeting, HE planned the whole date, HE told me everything I wanted to hear. Also the other woman is definitely gone, and  I mean she is not coming back.  I have some work to do to get this where I need it to be, but it isn't by taking action it's by aligning with the relationship I want by myself.  I am now standing in a new place with regard to this, and new resistance in coming up as I am getting closer.  I am trying very hard not to become attached to the wonderful time we had, because I know when I do, I fear loss and it goes away (another belief for me to work on). This is a key time to appreciate it and realise reality is now showing me that this is my new normal and I need to align with it as completely normal so it continues to unfold organically.  If you read back through this thread, it makes sense because everything has evolved naturally when I when I actually let go.

So yes, this is a wonderful update.  He is now initiating contact and I am continuing to love myself first, stay calm and aligned to what I deserve and enjoy it.

The key to all of this is believing you can have it - not just in fantasy but in the way you know you can have a glass of water from a tap.  The second key is to relax into it being normal rather than a miracle.  I am working on these two things at the moment. 

This absolutely works, it starts with you.  Strangely he said that he has never loved me more - well I have never loved me more either, so there's our answer ladies!  

I will post more updates as things evolve and wish you all the best of luck!!!!

J xxx

dannie wrote:

This is what I'd do too!!! LOL

Jag123 wrote:

I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this:

"Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!" 

Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol!

Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again!

Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better. 

I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent! 

J xx

 

Haven't we all been there!  It's tough when you don't know how to stop it, it feels like a never ending cycle of pain.  What my recent experience has taught me though, is you have to find a way because THAT is the only thing keeping you from what you want.  

This is what I'd do too!!! LOL

Jag123 wrote:

I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this:

"Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!" 

Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol!

Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again!

Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better. 

I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent! 

J xx