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[quote=wanderlusting]I know that I want a relationship with him but I want a relationship that is better than the one that we had before and that is what I have been focusing on. I know that my behaviors drove us to where we are today but I have been taking the steps in trying to heal those parts of myself. My biggest concern is wondering if I did too much damage to the point of him never wanting to give me another try. I did the No Contact Rule for 3 weeks and during that time he had messaged me and even showed up at my house to drop my things off to me but I ignored him as it says you are supposed to do. Unfortunately, I had to break no contact when he needed something that he had left at my house for his job so I had to go to him Saturday and that is where we had "the talk" and him telling me that he doesn't want to be in my life anymore and that a future for him and I is never going to happen. He has always been the type to not get involved in relationships but I was the rare acceptance to him not wanting one. I believe that we both want different things. While I want to be in a relationship with him and show him how much I have changed, he wants to be wild, single, and free. He felt like the relationship was holding him back and told me that he is happier now being single and free than he ever was in a relationship with me.  He did tell me that there was a difference between him having casual sex and us and that what we had was love and that the other girls are just a void to fill and for him to get validation and admiration. He told me that he was very unhappy in his life and that he is just grabbing at anything and everything to try and make himself happy. He did admit that he was heading down the path of self-destruction but that he is learning as he is going. I have initiated the no contact rule again so I won't be going to his house for a talk, I won't be texting or calling him either. I have been very respectful in his decision with this break up and giving him the time and the space that he asked for. Never did I think or even want to believe that he would be throwing himself at other girls. He has started adding a lot of girls to his social media, which he never added one single girl in all of 3 years except me. I never reacted to him doing so since the break up but woke up and found myself blocked on all social media last week. Basically what it come down to, is now I am worried and fearful after our conversation that he won't come back this time around. I know I shouldn't "worry or be fearful" as like attracts like but then again when I was letting go and feeling happy and positive, I got the complete opposite result of my desire.   Thank you again for commenting back. It is nice to be able to talk to someone about this outside of friends and family.   [/quote]