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[quote=wanderlusting]So, I don't know if many of you guys have kept up with my biweekly updates to my situation but throughout this past week, my guy had been messaging me every couple of days. On my way on from work last night, he ended up calling me but I didn't answer because I had entered back into no contact after what happened a couple of weeks ago. Well, due to me not responding back to text messages nor answering his phone call, he ended up showing up at my house last night. We sat outside and talked for hours and poured our hearts out to each other after one month after the break up. He told me that he still very much so loved me, that he has missed me, wanted to see and spend time with me, that he thinks about me everyday and all the time, checks up on my social networking sites, but he isn't at a place in his life right now where he feels like he would be able to invest emotionally and mentally into a relationship. He told me that he wishes he would have gone about the break up differently and wishes he would have continued talking to me, hanging out with me every now and again, and giving me another chance. He knows that I am in therapy and he sends me messages every other week or so telling me how proud of me he is and how much he admires me; that I have made him want to change and become a better person and man. He told me that while he does miss having the things that come with a relationship, he is content with being single because he doesn't feel restricted in the things that he is doing now, ie, going out, spending time with friends, focusing on himself, training for his competitions, and just spending time to himself. He told me that while he knew it was selfish of him to show up, that he really missed me, has missed having me in his life, and that he wanted to see me. I kept my cool the majority of the night and showed him that happy, outgoing, bubbly personality that I had when we first met that he had fallen in love with. I think what hurts me the most is how we we both love each other deeply and do want to be with each other, but he just doesn't feel like he is at a time and place in his life to actually have a relationship. He feels he needs to do some self-discovery and find what he wants out of life and what makes him happy. He told me that he has been struggling with depression and that he feels lost. It was truly sad to sit there and watch him have so much sadness and pain coming from him. I just wanted to wrap him in my arms and fix all that is broken within him. He was very complimenting, very loving, and very affectionate last night while we were hanging out. I even asked him about a future and he said that he knows that one day that he will want a relationship again but not for a while until he figures things out in his life. He told me that even though he knows it to be selfish, he doesn't want me to move on or find someone else because in the back of his mind, he has "what if" that replays over and over but he did proceed to tell me that he just isn't the right person for me and that I deserve better and that he always felt like he was holding me back. One big thing he told me, he said that if him and I ever got back together, it would be with a ring, with the intention of getting married. Him saying that really through me for a loop because I know that many people spend years and years trying to work on themselves and trying to find their purpose in life. I think it comes down to that I am worried about the "time" it would take for our lives to intertwine again. So, I feel stuck. Last night felt amazing and it was great and I couldn't have asked for a better tonight, but I am struggling today with his absence and feeling the loss and rejection all over again. I knew what I was setting myself up for last night but I wanted to stay positive and I wanted to believe that miracles do happen everyday. So, to give you guys an update, I did manifest him back in my life when I let go and I detached from him. My biggest concern is, where do I go from here? What steps do I take to keep moving forward? Sometimes I feel like I take two steps forward just to fall back all over again. I am really trying to stay positive and grateful today but I am overwhelmed once again with negative feelings and emotions of loss, grief, sorrow, and crying the majority of the day. Does anyone have any advice or could give me some insight? [/quote]