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[quote=Nivi]Dear all,   This is my first post here, but I have been reading this forum for few months. It is so nice how you all support each other, like a big happy family [img]http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png[/img] And I would like to join you[img]http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png[/img]   So, I am here because I want my ex back. I don´t want to write you a whole story, just few facts…. We broke up a year ago, it was/still is LDR (same country, different cities),  we were together one year. It was going great until he lost his job, and had one state exam to pass. Then I started to feel unsecure, I was in panic that now that he had time he wouldn't spend it with me, I started to focus where we will be in few months further, will we spend Christmas together, what if he loses interest, what if he meets someone... I ruined our summer. I started to behave so childish, I put on him so much pressure, I tried to hurry things up, I was  too available, and tortured him when he didn't call me or text me. I was misserable and in fear, I asked him hundred times what will be with us, does he still love and wants me.... it was so annoying but I couldn't stop. He was patient and sweet but his answers weren't enough for me. We started to fight often. And I was very jelaous on his friends.  He has lots of friends, and they are all so connected and hang out all the time, every day. I considered them as competition.  Like that they are much more important than me, and I was searching my place in his life and heart. His best friends are younger than us, and immature. And his best friend (f) has influence on him, he likes to spend time with her, she is so fun, and she didn't like me, and she tried (I think she still tries) to match him and her best friend.   We are in no contact for months, he doesn't have a girlfriend, no one after us. Anyway, I was feeling so lonely and depressed, trying to find some answers and ways to get him back. I did what I shouldn't do, I cried, I begged.... nothing. And then I found LOA and many forums while I was searching how to get him back (I know, don't judge me, I was in pain and stupid).  I tried to meditate, wrote affirmations, visualized.... but I wasn't feel good. I was still in pain and very impatient. I would ask myself where is he after few days of visualizations. I didn't understand what is loa and how I should really feel. I thought that loa is fake.  Then I would stop and just cried.  But still I was reading about loa and forums every day, I spent months focusing on him, on his absence, I looked at his FB few times every day, when he posted something I looked who liked him, I was trying to find something... was he dating, who is that girl who liked his song... I was so crazy. I also needed to study for the same exam, and I was so lazy to study and spent daaaays watching his profile on FB and Instagram.  And when I wasn't on the internet for maybe one day, I thought that maybe I missed something. Reading all these stories and experinces made me happy, but still I didn't do any of that techniques longer than few days. I started to doubt in all that because I am catholic and asked myself where does God feets here...  At the begining of June, something changed. I started to visualize/imagine him without fear or sadness. I was doing good for maybe 2-3 weeks, I was happy and relaxed, I did some scripting and affirmations. So I started to notice his car everywhere. I met two men with the same name like his, and both are from the same city like he is, and their parents are from the same cities like his parents. I saw some men looking exactly like my guy. In stores I saw the same jacket he bought because I liked it and suggested him to buy. Every night when I looked at my phone or clock I saw 00:00. Every time, hahah. And I saw twice on two cars 0000. Later I read that 0000 means that some problems will be finished so I got scared that we are finished forever. My dreams and imagionations about us were so lovely and goooood. One time when I was looking down the street from my window, I saw him, his image, he was so real in my mind, he was watching me. I was so happy that I cried. And then I got scared because it wasn`t real, so I panic because where is the line? Am I going crazy? how to know what is reality and what is just imagination? Do you know what I mean? And he is not here, he didn `t text or call. So I started to think that loa is shit, I did what loa says and I was feeling great, so where is he??? Will he ever come back? Does he remember me? Want me in his life? Will I ever see him again? I know that I deserve second chance, I am worth of that.... but what is going on??   So again I started to freak out. I was in fear again, sad again, I couldn`t stop thinking about him and us.  And I had a plan about going there.... I spent lot of money buying sexy but nice dresses, underwear, sandals, perfumes... I bought many stuff because I was so obsessed about him and looking good, because I was thinking that maybe it was my last chance.. I imagined those few days there that he will change his mind, that we will dance, talk in my hotel room, that he will kiss me and hug me, and look at me with love....   I started reading about second chances, about spark, is it posible to achieve something in half an hour... I was afraid that he would rejected me... I was asking my friends is it possible to feel some chemistry and that something special again... I wanted to fight, to spend summer with him, to feel loved again with him... And my summer vacation began at the beggining of August, so I called him, he answered and he was very suprised. I asked him if he is in his city and he said yes and I said that I would be glad if we go out, and he said that it would be great and that I should tell him when. I told him that I will call him again. So few days later I went there. It was Sunday when I called him and he said yes.  I couldn`t believe, I was so excited. And in fear that we might not talk like we used to, what if we don`t have anything to talk about? I prayed to God if he could give me just half an hour for a great time. I was late, he waited for me 10 minutes... when I saw him... he was so handsome, I felt like I first met him.   Anyway, we spent 5 hours. It was really great. We couldn`t stop talking and laughing. I was so happy and had self confidence. I was so beuatiful and amazing. Boys looked at me and smiled. I flirted but maybe too much. I just can`t tell you... I dont remember that night very well. He looked at me, but I felt like he was looking at me as a friend. But I didnt care, I was feeling great. So that is a good news - I didn`t feel bad or sad, I didn`t cry and I felt like a million dollars. He said some things but I didn`t hear that, I didn`t feel bad about that.   We talked about everything, but we didn`t talk about us.  He asked me if he could drive me to the hotel, I said yes, so when we were walking down the street he met one friend and he stopped to say hello to him, and I was still walking. that friend said to my guy - wooow, is this your girlfriend, she is very beautiful, well done, congratulations.  And he said - no, she is just a friend. I heard that but I didn`t care much. The old me would cry and said something, but new me no. So when we came to the parking, he looked at me and said - ok come on, say it. I was just smiling all the time, and I said - what should I say? he: tell me what do you want. i know why you called me and why are you here. Me: if you know, then tell me first and I will tell you if that is true. He: you want to get back together. me: hahahahah. He: let me drive you home. I didn`t want to tell him although he knew all the time, because I felt that he would say no and I couldn`t take it. So when he drove me, we were talking in his car for maybe an hour. That hour was too much, but I couldn`t get out of his car because I suddenly started to think what if this is the last time I see him, and I was feeling so good with him and didn`t want to end this night. Anyway, I started to talk about us, I said one our joke... he just listened what I was talking. He didn`t talk about us, he just listened what I was saying. I asked him if he ever liked me as a girl, he said yes, but that sounded like he said that just to made me calm. He just said somethjing like this (I cant remember exaclty) - You know that we were falling apart for months, you know that we couldn`t make it ever.  And then... I just looked at him and smiled.   He was tired, and after few minutes he said that he doesn`t want to be rude but I should go out his car because he wants to go home and sleep. And I did something stupid - I tried to kiss him, I thought - now or never, who cares.... And he turned me off. I asked him if he has a new girl, he said that no, he is single all the time. So that was it. We didn`t hug or kiss. Nothing. Just said bye. So few minutes later I started to panic because I wanted to see him again tomorrow so I sent him a message that we can go out tomorroew and that I wont think nothing more. he said - ok, it is deal. So the next day I saw some friends there... but not him. He didn´t call me or text me. I was conviced he will, but in the evening... I knew he won`t. So later at around 10 pm I sent him a message if he is in the center we can drink something, and he replied that he already had another plan. That was it. That night he acted like we are friends. I am not sure. I was focused on myself.   So… here I am. Still want him. But now I am much better and happier and in better state to try again, but this time to try better. I have some problems with laziness and I am not presistent and lose hope fast.  Also, this reality makes me feel hopeless, like that everything is lost and we don't have any chance. And what he said to me while we were broking up... obviously that was true. Because that I have problems to have full faith and imagine different reality.  So these are my questions and I would be very happy and grateful if you can help me. 1. I don't visualize with that third eye. I don't even know if my images are good and enough to manifest. I lose focus quickly, I can hold an image (if I can call that an image)(actually it is some kind of shadow)  for maybe a minute, even less. I am impatient when I try to meditate. I tried guided visualizations and that is better, but still my images are not so vivid.  And I am scared that I am not doing right and that I spend time for that for nothing. Is visualization so important? And how to know that my images are fine? I just cant visualize. And I cant add other senses. It is so frustrating. My images are more like daydreaming or fantasies. Also,I know that feeling is important. When I imagine him and me, I feel good. But not so excited. I read that some of them used to cry during their visualizations. I am just feeling good, secure and calm, nothing extreme.  Is that a problem? How to know what feeling and what intensity is enough? And also... I remember that I wanted and imagined so many things... nothing came true. 2. I started to use RS and PW, I did that for few days, but I would wake up so nervous and in pain, with thought (like a little voice inside me would say) - you two will never be together again. It is not so great waking up like that. So I stopped doing that and so those thoughts and voices in my head disappeared. And I tried again for few days and it was the same. What does it mean? Is that a sign that we will never really be together again? I was feeling like I am doing something wrong, and not sure if I did all that int he right way. And after few days of being grateful to God for him and writing my gratitude list... I was feeling good one night when I saw on FB that he liked that girl (she is best friend of his best friend(f)) and liked a comment how beautiful she is. I felt like someone hit me. I started to cry and asked why because that isn't fair.  I lost my hopes that night. I started to think that this girl is in much better position than I am, they live in same city, she is beuatiful and they have the same friends. And what about me? Different city....  I feel like that time shows me that he really didn't love me, or wasn't in love with me, that he forgot me and lost interest. Is those "likes" on FB some kind of signs?  Now I really dont care about that photo, but I am still a little consired about those „signs“…. because every time when I tried, I got those things... 3. I know that we create our reality how we want that. But my imaginations are mine, not his. How can my reality bring him back? what if I am no longer in his reality and wishes? How can we be together again?  And I read also that attracting specific person can be successful when he/she wants the same.  What if he doesn't want what I want? Because this reality shows me that obviously he doesn't want. What if he forgot me, moved on..? Doent want anything with me? How to change that? Can I change that? Because you can believe, hope for it, dream about that, visualize… and spend too many time for zero result…   I am asking this because I dont understand how can my wish affect him. You can want something with me different than I want… You cant influence on me if I just dont want the same…  For example, there was one guy, He liked me very much, and he tried to do verything just to make me like him, to give him a chance. I didnt like him, and still dont. I dont want hi min my life. He used to say to me that he often spent some time and imagined us being together, and that was made him feel great.. isnt that some kind of loa thing? And why didnt that work on me? 4. And I also noticed that people often get back together after maybe a month or two after their break up. if you can call it break up. Because they had some fights but nothing so serious, and feelings and love are still strong.  People get back together because of their feelings, love long history, deep connection… My feelings are obvisously one sided… Many people say that exes are exes for reason, many don`t want their exes back...  also, many books about relationship say that if we did something that turns him off, that is forever. And what men say that is true and we should belive them. Many people pray and want their exes back and they don`t have them. Many loa coatches say that it is not possible to attract specific person because of their free will. They have their own wishes and reality, their own freedom, and no one can "influence". What about my situation?  Am I late? Did I miss my second chance because I spent months worring, doubting, and analyzing? Can I do something about that? I am scared because of this one year of nothing...  What he said before turns out it was true (that he was never in love with me, it was too hard, he considered me just as a best friend…).                                                                                                       5.  This is why I have some doubts about loa... I tried to get my first big love back. He loved me so much, and I didn`t doubt that. I strongly believed that we will get back together. I spent months, almoust a year, thinking about him. That felt so good. I was happy imagining him with me. Every time I drove my car, I imagined him sitting next to me, I woke up imagining him near me, I went to sleep imagining him kissed me for good night... Sometimes I talked out load with him... It was so real, that I couldn`t believe what is reality. And he never came back. he never texted, or called. That was 3 years ago. Since our breakup I only saw him twice, and both times he ran away. So... what do you think about that?   Then… I remember sometimes I used to listen to the club music in my bed and imagined that everyone in the club is watching me, that boys want to dance with me, that they couldnt resist me... I used to pretend when I was home alone that I am dancing with somebody... And when I would go out... nothing happend, no one looked at me. I imagined so many things and nothing came true.   So that is what I dont understand... how my imagination and my thoughts can become true? When some person cross my mind, he/she never called or texted. I tried to imagine a cup of coffee. Nothing.   6. When I was reading about RS, RI and PW, I realized that I did that unconsiously before. I liked one guy very much, we saw each other maybe 3 times , but I liked him and wanted him to be close to me. So I used to imagined him and me together, dancing, going to the cinema... when I was home alone, I would put my dress on and make up, wore high heels and turned on some music and danced pretending that I was with him. I did all those things for a month, I am not sure, I used to imagine him talking to me about us, how we are a great couple... I remebmer one scene in my head... I imagined that I was walking to him in one wonderful park here.., and he was wainting for me and then I told him what I wanted to hear from him and he repeated that and we hugged and kissed. One friend aksed me if we changed our numbers and I said yes and we are texting all the time.  But I was convinced in that lie. I did all those imaginations for fun. He is a very handsome and nice guy so I imagined how it would be to be his girlfriend. So I realized I did imaginations, RS, RI... and with no result. I never saw him again. I dont know where he is, what is doing, I dont know anything about him. This is my first example about how I actually used loa uncounsly with no result.   My second example: When I was in relationship with my first boyfriend... before we broke up, we had few really bad months... so I used to imagine almoust every night his different attitude towards me. I imagined him to be nicer, spending time with me...I imagined what i wanted to hear from him...  I did some kind of imaginations and RS... In my mind everything was perfect again I was happier. He didnt understand why I was happier because he thought that our fights didnt affect me, he was som ad, and I told him once that he will understand one day (I thought and didnt tell him how he would change and tell mefinally what I wanted to hear).  After maybe a month he broke up with me. After that I only saw him twice and he ran away. I must remind you that I spend one year wishing for him, I imagined him with me all the time, in my car, in my room... I used to talk with him when I was doing something. i imagined him having lunch with me...  Again, no result.   So, obviously I used loa before without knowing what I was doing... and whatever I imagined there was no result in a reality.   I am so sorry for this long post, and thank you all for reading and your help! I really need that. Every thought and every advice would be great. Thank you![/quote]