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[quote=Indigo][quote=SouthernFell]So I have been a long time lurker and have been using Lanie's techniques for quite some time but this is my first post as I'm feeling a little discouraged. In the fall of last year I reconnected with a friend from college and it became romantic. Things we going great up until about a month ago, we had a decent sized blow up and he said that he didn't feel he could move beyond it. We agreed to stop talking but he immediately (within a day) came back and we have been rebuilding. I began using PW on him then to make sure we got over that hump, I was doing them through last week and everything was slowly getting better we were in a good place. He went out of town last weekend with some friends, and then yesterday I felt like things were different. I asked him about it and he avoided the question but eventually told me that he met someone on the trip he felt like he was interested in so his attention was focused elsewhere. He said he wants to focus his energy only on her but did not want to risk losing me and our friendship if we stopped working towards a relationship. I said I didn't think we could go back to being just friends given everything and that we should part ways. I'm feeling really discouraged by this sudden change in behavior, I am trying to not doubt myself and the process but I'm finding that to be very difficult. Any suggestions? Is this type of thing common? In the past I have only used PW on people that I was not currently speaking to so the only change in behavior I saw was a positive one, is this par for the course? He is very very important to me for a number of reasons and I am devastated by all of this. Any reassurance or tips would be really helpful and thank you for taking the time to read.   [/quote]       What is very very important is you, not him or anyone else.  You need to take control of your emotions and decide whether or not you even want him back.   Imagine how it would have gone over if you told him you "met" someone else while you were out of town and now you want to focus all your energy on that.   But you want him to wait and see what happens just in case.  He's got some nerve even telling you that. You did the absolute correct thing by telling him BYE, cutting things off and not standing by for the standby (as we used to say in the olden days).  It is important that he does not know that you give a care, and I am hoping that you did not act desperate upon your separation.   Have you read Lanie's books?  If not please do so ASAP.  BU2MU covers NC, I highly recommend that you read up on that as well as all of the For Women Only Series.     [/quote]