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[quote=Jag123][quote=ljt]What an awesome life lesson!!  I can't stress how important it is to be secure and confident with yourself before manifesting the relationship you desire.  It's like trying to build a house on sand.  You may succeed for a time, but sooner or later it will all come crashing down.  Work on a strong foundation of self love, confidence and security first.  Everything else will fall into place. [/quote] Hi ljt You are so right, it really was and by recognising it as that my whole life has changed for the better.  I used to read these kinds of posts and think " how can you just stop thinking about him, I wish I could let go but [i]I [/i]can't" What I didn't see or couldn't see then was that my absolute focus on him meant the momentum was so strong I couldn't let go.  I had sacrificed my own well being to focus (mainly) solely on another person, so of course he was all I could think about and my own failures in relation to not being able to get him back.  When I seperated the person (him) from the situation (the fact I wanted someone I couldn't have) I was able to take a look at myself and realise just how badly I had been treating myself. I deserved to have the best, to be loved to feel beautiful and wanted - I was just looking for all of that from someone else.   I was  expecting him  to show me all of those things  and felt like a failure because he didn't and not only that he showed them to someone else.  The key in all of this was he [i]couldn't[/i] show me all of that even if he was Prince Charming himself because [i] I [/i]didn't believe any of it!  That was the hard lesson, and because I had spent so long on him I felt at a loss.  I actually didn't know how to love myself. Maybe subconsiously,I was using him as an excuse not to.   However, when my focus became being the best, life has started to show me the best.  It hasn't been easy and I am uncovering all kinds of holes as my standards are being raised. I can go from feeling so happy that I am in forward motion in my life to shame about ways I have been and things I have done.  I can also then move to fear that I don't actually deserve the good things to worrying it's too late and nothing will actually happen the way I visualise.  Is the Law of Attraction actually real, I think some days. lol! .  Here, I have to show as much conviction and faith as I had in him to myself.  I would never had wavered in my devotion to him, I would have excused every bad behaviour and been patient.  I just do this with myself by tapping, visualising, meditating. listening Youtube vids, crying, sitting with the pain or going out with friends.  I care for myself and I give myself the attention I need.  I have no doubt about love coming to me and soon because I am starting to come to terms with how magnificent I actually am :) [/quote]