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[quote=Jag123]I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this: "Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!"  Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol! Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again! Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better.  I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent!  J xx[/quote]