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[quote=Lanie Stevens]If you love your husband I hope you will begin using the technique on him because I have seen it absolutely change marriages from distant, unaffectionate and almost divorced, to better than when they first got married.  I have to say that from your post it sounds like the two men have something in common....they are both abusive in their own ways.  I don't know how your husband is emotionally abusive but the married man is controlling you and basically making you ruin your life WITHOUT making any changes in his.  In fact, he wants to keep you on the side while he lives a married life with his wife.  That's pretty abusive, not to mention selfish and narcissistic. The honeymoon stage of ALL relationships go pretty well and causes emotional attachments to form otherwise you wouldn't fall in love.  It's after the first few months that you begin to see the flaws in the character of the person.  Because you were both married you may not have spent that much time together so the honeymoon stage of the infatuation may have lasted longer but the man who is married didn't "put up or shut up".  Instead he reneged on the agreement you both made and expects you to follow through with a promise to be his "wife" on the side. My advice would be to RUN from the married guy!  If you don't love your husband then be true to yourself and leave.  Financial security is always fluctuating and you can't count on it and it certainly isn't a reason to stay married.  You don't want to wake up 10-20 years down the road and realize you have nothing but a few dollars in the bank and you've lived a life with someone you didn't want to be with.   It is better to be alone than to FEEL alone in a relationship or a marriage.  Whatever you decide sweetheart this is just my advice and I will be here to support your decision.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo[/quote]