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[quote=Emma]Hi All I'm new to the forum and also Lanie's books, techniques and meditations, I was hoping that you would be able to give me some help. It's a long story and to cut it short, 9yrs ago my heart was broken with what i thought was beyond repair when i lost my fiance in a car accident, it was like a ripple effect and alot more bad things happened, i then became ill with MS which i believe was brought on my trauma. I never thought I'd move on from my fiance and there was no-one until fast forward 8 years i starting seeing my POI, he knew about my circumstances and was so patient and understanding with me, at the time i hadn't dealt with the loss of my fiance so was struggling with everything i had a MS relapse and thought i was being punished for being happy again. I never treated my POI badly but because i was dealing with so much other stuff i was only giving him 10% of me, he's 8yrs younger than me but for him that wasn't an issue, he was the one asking me where i saw things going etc. He was trying to help me, but at the time i didnt understand my feelings for him in the sense of i still loved my finace and felt like i was cheating, but i knew i was developing feelings for my POI which was confusing me. After a period of time my POI ended it and i can't blame him, he told a mutual friend that all he wanted to do was help me but i wasn't letting him or letting him in. Fast forward to now, I've had counselling for my loss, overhauled my mind, had a treatment for MS and basically i've kicked it's arse and cured it(i believe with the treatment and my mind). You see everywhere ex's are ex's for a reason and should be left in the past, but i don't believe that, my POI was the biggest blessing of my life he was that turning point and kick up A**e i needed. Everytime i think of him i think of him with so much love, i bitterly regret the way i treated him but the timing was just wrong, this sounds really corny but when i think of him i literally smile from the inside out and my whole body feels warm on the inside.  I've started the PW a couple of weeks ago and even done a BWD(that was intense), i've brought the meditations too. I really struggled at the start with what felt like a million other thoughts creeping in. What i really want to know is how can i strengthen the connection with him, how do i know he's connected, i can't visualize him very well nor hear his voice which then discourages me, but i can feel my heart feel warm during, once i've finished i feel excited and happy. I dont know if i'm doing it right???? What should i be saying to him and also how many times do you repeat each saying?? Do you think i should also do a love spell?? I'd be grateful for all the advice given :)  I'm a totally different person to how i was when we were together and i just want him to give me that chance to show him. Sorry for the long post, but i want to get this right with him xxxx[/quote]