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[quote=Sweetsong]Hi dear members! This is my first time on this forum and my first post.  It has been 2 months since I broke up with him.  It has also been 2 months of no contact, although I had one text and one missed call on which I didn't want to respond as it was only a month after the break up, and I was going through the healing process and experiencing all the stages: sadness, anger, rage, etc.  I also wasn't ready and still am not to talk to him.  I pretty much broke up with the text message and was very general "we have different life values and priorities, let's not waste each other's time, good luck etc."  I really didn't want to hurt him. I think my problem is that we never had a closure.  I never told him what was the real reason of brake up.  We are in our 40's, so no kids anymore, and I though we were very clear what we wanted in our lives. I understand my interpersonal skills are terrible.  I am honest, direct and straight to the point (can't stand all pshycological games when in relationship). I don't date and it has been 11 years since I actually noticed somebody (him). 11 years since I last dated a guy I liked, but just liked, no loved!  That's who I am.  I am afraid my lack of dating experience and nature of wanting a real thing (I am really not interested in one night stands, online dating, dating just for the sake of dating, anything like that as I don't care about these things, find them superficial and shallow, so please don't tell me I should do that...it is like forcing vegetarian to eat meat), so because of my lack of dating experience, I think I make mistakes. I also believe real feelings, and therefore, can't force myself into somebody or something if it is not 100%.  I have feeling I am most over-sensitive and vulnerable person in the world.  I never heard my friends suffer so much, or talk about break ups as much.  I still cry for every little thing, think of us and overthink everything.  I just want that to stop. I know that break ups are not real problems, as real problem is when you have a terminally ill child and there is no cure for them (don't think in these life situatuion anybody thinks of some old ex and ego). So, we are alive, still healthy, just apart and with a good possibility to get back one day.  I know all that, but how to make anxiety and stress and all that pain go away?  I know, I have to let it go, de-attach myself, distract myself, oh trust me, I know all that, but it just doesn't reach me, it doesn't help. Bought two of Lanie's books and I meditate a lot, but then I dream of him, and constantly think of him, look for answers, want answers.  I am so close to call him!!!  We talked every day about everything, and I miss that "friend" side from him.  Our conversations were great. We also had a great emotional connection and I could just feel when getting his call or text, and he told me so many time,"I just took the phone to call you and saw your number calling me..brrr, scary."  Even after break up I could sense when he took the phone to call me.....but PRIDE, oh that PRIDE on my and his side.  Stupid ego!!! Anybody experienced that awful pain in the stomach when having anxiety? How to get rid of that?  Why is it easier to be unhappy in life, than happy? And yes, I want him back, as our mental conncetion was perfect....could I be a bigger masochist... Also, why are always women who suffer?  Why are all those books and advice written for us only, when it is obvious that men don't understand anything and they should be ones to finally start learning?  [/quote]