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[quote=Celtic Spirit]Dear Lanie, I have read all your books several times and they have been real eye openers for me! Lots of things I should have realised decades ago I learned from your books. I realised that I was a doormat and after reading that no man would ever commit to a woman when he was getting everything he wanted without commitment made me realise that I was tolerating behavious no woman should tolerate from the man I was seeing. I tried what you said, saying we want different things etc, he was enjoying his freedom and I was open to a more committed relationship. He had said some really hurtful things that he couldn't remember saying that made me realise he regarded me as a nothing.  He wasn't very happy, and he also told me, 'the thing is, I can't cope with your children' (They're not that bad and they're almost grown up - 15,16 and 19) I tried no contact and we met again after three months and he held my hand for all of the ten hours we were together, giving me hope, but he has since met someone else and is having another tropical holiday but this time with her - 'his new girlfriend' This is particularly hurtful as he never ever considered me as his girlfriend. he 'didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend' or to be in a 'serious relationship'.  He let me know in an exceptionally cruel way that he had met someone else and was cold and hateful I think he just wants me to disappear, probably because he knows he has treated me badly and he doesn't want to think aobut it. He's twice admitted to treating me cruelly but keeps on doing it.. I have had over two and a half years of hot/cold torture with this man and really thought we were meant to be together - if only he could see it - he's a widower - (never again) but now I feel like rubbish. I have tried your techniques Lanie and one Saturday I had him and the love of my life from 30 years ago both ring/text on the same night. I have tried your techniques since but they don't seem to be working for me anymore and I am not sure if this is because I can't focus properly and I lack the conviction, but now I'm not sure he deserves me! I had such high hopes but they've all been dashed! I have not responded to his last message and in a way, I'm so angry that the work has finally turned!  [/quote]