Lanie Stevens "Empowering Women" - http://laniestevens.com
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[quote=Orange1]Here I am talking to myself again. 😂 It helps to get thoughts out and see progression. I hope it's not a problem to use it as a diary! Also I've forgotten my password, will look for it later! So I didn't really stick with the plan. Using the techniques just for getting a text wasn't really producing the same emotions. So I went back to having him say more intense things, like being in love with me and wanting a relationship with me etc. It produces stronger emotions. Also I figure we are where we are at anyway, he has "ran away," so might as well go all in. Also I wouldn't be surprised if after how things were left, he doesn't contact me until he CANNOT hold it in anymore. Pretty sure he thinks he's doing me a favour , since I'm the one who basicaly said I wanted NC. No worries, he will crack anyway. I've also been using BWD a lot more than I planned originally . Cause, well... it's fun haha. I don't do it every single day, but a lot. I'm doing PW evey day, usually twice. One day I did do it 3 times. I definitely think I'm getting better. My visualisations seem more "real" like I'm in the moment. So notable things... Friday night, I had a dream I was in a pub that we went to together in the early days of our relationship. I was even sitting in the same place, up at the bar. I had visualised this in my positive love visualisations just before sleeping so makes sense. But I was alone and we were texting. He mentioned something about a wedding and I asked if he's getting married. He sent me the "hand over mouth" emoji, like he's not telling or whatever. I asked again but he didn't reply. It was NOT good emotions when I woke up! I had a nice session the night before, but I guess it's just shtty subconscious stuff! Saturday was a horrible day. Just very very down. Missing him life crazy and seriously considering contacting him via another account. I'm so glad I didn't! But I've had these thoughts a few times now. Like I just wanna talk to him RIGHT NOW! Say I made a mistake, pls be my friend. I rode it out. I then went to the 3rd parties (I do not want to use the G word) fb profile. She had updated her pic and I stupidly clicked her likes, seen he had "loved" it and it sent me further down. Silly I know, but we all have those moments eh. That's when I decided I need to do my best to stay off damn fb. I could still see when Mr S is online messenger. So I got rid of the thread and now I cannot. I made a pact to myself to not look at her profile as best I can . before I went to sleep, I asked for a dream and a sign relating to Mr S. Well my dream was that we were texting yet again. But this time w were planning on meeting up. I'm not sure if it was romantic context or not. He was helping me with documents for driving lessons. No this could be a HUGE sign! Cause years ago before I met him, my mum went to a psychic. She talked a bit about her family too. She said I would meet my husband, or the love of my life (can't remember exact wording) when I take driving lessons. I have no idea why then. But apparently he would be something related to driving lesson. Now even tho I'm a grown woman, I have not had driving lessons as I've not needed a car where I am. So there's two ways of looking at this dream. Maybe it's telling me he is "that one" somehow. Or that he's leading me to "the one"? Well I believe we make our own reality, future etc. so I don't believe I have a "one" waiting for me to take lessons haha. But I do believe that dream was linking it to that. And that this man is a very important person in my life. 😊 Sunday was much better. I was with family and my mind was more occupied and I was just more positive in general. That night I had a dream that we were actually TOGETHER and cuddling! I was telling him that I had missed him, but that's all I remember. And today has been a pretty good day too. I dreamed about him 3 nights in a row! That's crazy to me, I don't think I've ever dreamed about someone as much as that before! Also each dream is getting better. IT started with negative, him disappearing, then hinting at marriage, then we were gonna meet, and then we were together cuddling haha . It makes me kook forward to what's the next dream. I'm writing the dreams down as soon as I wake. I'm still seeing the repeated numbers. But I'm not looking out for them. A couple of times now I've had a very random surge of sexual energy. It's quite difficult to explain, but if you've experienced it you know it's totally different to general getting turned on feelings. It's more random and it's a energy all throughout the body and you automatically think of the person and it's quite overwhelming. There's zero doubt in my mind it can be anything other than BWD/PW related. And it's most probably how our POI 's feel. I'm guessing he was thinking of me or something at the time. But damn it's an experience! I had a man message me on fb asking if I'm alright. Apparently he's on my friends list, but it was pretty random cause I've never talked to him before and I've not been active on there at all. Also a female friend from years ago msged me, I haven't heard from her in a few years. At this point, I really honestly believe that he will be back. I believe that he has warm feelings towards me. I believe he can see how much I've changed for the good, how it could be how he always wanted it to be. That has to be so tempting for him. I believe if 3rd party wasn't around he would give us another chance. The catch is...WHEN. that's what I really need to let go off. I know I cannot wait around counting days down praying things fall apart with 3rd party. All I can do is do my manifesting and then let it go as best as I can. I believe we will find each other in the right time for us both. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY want it to be tomorrow so much! But I won't let my mental health fvk up waiting. I've toyed with the idea of dating. It would be nice to have company etc. But honestly, I browsed on dating apps couple of days ago and was just like nah. I don't have a real interest right now in anyone else. I'm not going to force it, but if it happens then whatever . But hopefully I will be dating Mr S again sooner than later instead 😊 we are so well suited, the problems we had in the past wouldn't be issues now. I do miss him (trying to not focus my energy there tho) but I do have an advantage over a lot of people using these techniques. I know I can live without him, cause I have for years! I've had relationships and heartbreaks and feelings for others since. Through all my experiences since him, he was the best man I had in my life. But I still know I CAN live without him. I just would rather not.[/quote]
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