Lanie Stevens, Author -- "Empowering Women Forum" - http://laniestevensauthor.com

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10/04/2016 4:45 am  #1


Success! But now what...

Hey lovelies. I've been lurking around for a while but have posted on the past on veronica's forum. I could use a little insight.

Long story very short, my love went away in may travelling and working and wandering. It was a kind of sweet but fraught goodbye with me wanting more commitment and scaring him off, our relationship undeclared, him drunkenly kissing some other girl...

Anyway. I've loved this man for over 6 years, he's told me this too but only in a jokey way when drunk. We've been off and on, best friends and then lovers. It's been a lot.

I went no contact while he was away. I would hear my friends had seen him around. I heard he'd told someone with tears in his eyes that he missed me. Id been doing lanie's meditations every single day, I maybe missed two days lol.

After FOUR MONTHS no contact and everyone telling me to contact him as he probably was too afraid. Last week he rang me. I was in shock. He told me he had an overwhelming urge to contact me... We had like a 20 min chat where he apologised etc and said he wanted to build a friendship.

Ok now I got the contact what do I do now? I obviously want more! Do I play along for now?

I text him the day after saying I was happy to hear from him... he replied a day later saying he'd try to see me this weekend... I replied a day later saying cool and stuff... weekend came and nothing and no contact since...

So I'm kind of in unsteady waters and I had honestly almost given up on even hearing from him again. I had made semi peace with it. So what do I do now? I'm scared to text or call him, especially when I'd been no contact it's hard to know what to do now!


Where is his overwhelming urge now?!

I'm so excited to see him! If and when I do! That's probably why I just wanna ring him haha!!! I won't though...

I'm just scared he will think I don't care about him now as I'm not texting or calling like I used to. One of my friends said this to me, while the other advised don't text him now. Text politics. I'm just so excited!!! I don't want to mess it up.

Please help!

Xxxxx

10/04/2016 5:03 am  #2


Re: Success! But now what...

Welcome to the forum!
Good to read you finally see your hard work of NC and PW paying of

Just continue the technique. Visualize in the end result. Instead of texting, let him say to you what you want to hear .. Try not to get too attached to him calling/texting you right now. I experienced the same. As soon I get to attached, the texting would decline and all kinds of negative thoughts would come to my mind.

Just be positive, upbeat and know in your soul and heart he is already yours!

10/04/2016 5:27 am  #3


Re: Success! But now what...

Congratulations on your success.
Don't be in a rush. Slow down.
Don't contact him first right now.
He was the one who made plans to meet, so he should be the one contacting.
lalalovely is right I guess. Don't get attached right now.
Do not be disheartened. You are doing really well.
Just continue the technique.


RISE

10/04/2016 6:22 am  #4


Re: Success! But now what...

My feeling is that things are slowing down, because you really want them to speed up, if you get what I mean. In trying to push it to where you really want your relationship to be, you block the natural flow of things.

10/04/2016 4:13 pm  #5


Re: Success! But now what...

I understand how you feel rosetinted.   I have been texting him first but our interactions are good. I know my LOA is working but I want to see him like now.   He just moved so he is distracted but I know he will text me first and see me very soon.  He is still timid with things but I am trying to get him to lighten up.  I know he is mine and we are together now.

10/04/2016 4:57 pm  #6


Re: Success! But now what...

Thank you so much for all the lovely support and welcoming vibes

I'm going to try and relax into it. It's funny a week ago I was like ok universe just a phonecall would make me happy, and it did! But then I was like ok now keep texting.. come see me.. let's be together! I wanted some majestic declaration of love but I will just keep imagining that.

No contact is HARD and I have so much respect for everyone who's been able to do it. My friends were telling me to break it all the time for months. It's weird because I feel like I'm still in it now as I want it to all come from him! But maybe that's asking too much.

Reading this forum, lanie's meditations and faith have got me this far when it seemed impossible, so maybe the key is to just keep going. It's like Neville saying to live in the state constantly, which feels difficult, but maybe isn't so hard if we can just relax into it rather than force ourselves into it...

     Thread Starter

10/04/2016 4:59 pm  #7


Re: Success! But now what...

padme911 wrote:

I understand how you feel rosetinted.   I have been texting him first but our interactions are good. I know my LOA is working but I want to see him like now.   He just moved so he is distracted but I know he will text me first and see me very soon.  He is still timid with things but I am trying to get him to lighten up.  I know he is mine and we are together now.

It's hard isn't it, that's why I'm not texting again until he texts me... or calling him. But I want to as I'm craving him! But I used to send the poor guy double and triple texts! I was crazy! So I hope he sees now I'm changing... it's not that I'm not wanting him. Just respecting him.

Letting him take the lead. I hope he gets that message.

X

     Thread Starter

10/05/2016 2:57 am  #8


Re: Success! But now what...

NC is hard. Very very hard.
Not talking to them in any manner whatsoever, not checking their social media, not listening to their voices and not seeing their faces but it is an extremely important part of progress. 
It is needed a lot for our well being, for calming our minds gradually and for many more reasons.
No pain no gain.


RISE

10/05/2016 3:06 am  #9


Re: Success! But now what...

Aphrodite11 wrote:

NC is hard. Very very hard.
Not talking to them in any manner whatsoever, not checking their social media, not listening to their voices and not seeing their faces but it is an extremely important part of progress. 
It is needed a lot for our well being, for calming our minds gradually and for many more reasons.
No pain no gain.

Yep, I'm so glad I did it. For some reason it was SO important to me that he break the silence so I dug my heels in only contacted him through PW and made sure he did break it, if someone needs time and space you have to give it them. That's love and respect, I loved him enough to do that and I think he's realising that now.

So I'm letting him make the contact now as I feel like I'm learning to walk again lol and don't want to go back into old bad contact habits where I call him all the time.

Anyone thinking they can't do NC, I did four months until last week but I was prepared to do 10 years for him. You also get to focus on other sides of you and other sides of your life.

My fear is coming in a bit now as I want him to ring again! I'm longing to see him. But I'm going to do PW and not contact him unless he contacts me.

Thanks everyone for being amazing! 💖

Xx

Last edited by rosetinted (10/05/2016 3:06 am)

     Thread Starter

10/27/2016 8:59 am  #10


Re: Success! But now what...

Just to kind of update in case anyone sees this and has any insight...

After the phonecall my guy turned up to surprise me at a gig I was playing. We spent all night together and I was over the moon. He hugged my goodbye but didn't want to let go... he was drunk so I let him stay on my couch. I knew he wanted to be in my bed.. nothing romantic happened then we just talked for hours that night and the next morning. He kept telling me how amazing I was, how he was my biggest fan, how sorry he was, how great I was. All good amazing stuff! If only he'd kissed me.

I told him I wasn't big on bothering ppl anymore so it was upto him if he wanted to hang out.

That was about 2 weeks ago and besides sharing a link with me on Facebook no nothing nada. Last night I text him a light text asking if he was going to this gig and how he was. And nothing.

I feel a bit disheartened and confused. I had a little cry, worrying I've messed things up but I felt sure he would reply? I'm obviously doing something wrong and I feel pretty crap now... I will continue using the technique and reassuring myself he's not being a dick. He's really not like that, but the months of no contact was so hard I don't want it to happen suddenly again....

I'm scared..?!

P.s he kept apologising for not contacting me over the summer, over and over. So now I'm like... what... huh?

Any kind advice would be appreciated! My mother has been unwell lately too so I'm manifesting her health! But I haven't told him about it cuz yknow.

X

     Thread Starter

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