Thank Lanie and everyone for all the love and support.
I have been using Lanie's tenques and a few times I did receive exactly what I was hoping for. But my question is, do things appear to get worse before they get better or is this a perceived threat? I feel pressure to give up. I've done the letting go cutting the cord and all sorts of stuff. Now I have this huge pressure in my mind, feels like doubt, to just stop and walk away. Let him live his life. That if he wanted me in it, I would be. Is it guilt, is it doubt, is it God telling enough already? I enjoy the technique, it's away for me to feel close to him and feel love but I feel like it's getting worse. I actually want to be in real life not experience  it all in my mind.
We had little contact and now we have zero. Does the pressure come on because faith is like a muscle and pressure builds muscles? Or am I doing it wrong?
I guess all I'm trying to find out is does it sometimes get worse before it gets better?
Anyone's advice or experience will help. Thank you all.