Hello Sisters,

I am sorry this is a very long post! but my journey started 6 months ago and there is a lot to fill you in on..

I came across this forum 6 months ago when I was at my lowest point. My love of 4 years had left me very suddenly and I was devastated. I went looking for answers as to how I could heal myself and I came across Lanie's book pussywhip. It was an absolute godsend! The most important message I took from it was how important it is for me to work on myself, to love myself and to be content with my own company. I relied on my partner to make me happy and I know now how harmful that can be to a relationship. I contacted Lanie via e-mail and explained my situation in detail, at this stage it had been three weeks since he had left but he came to see me for my birthday and told me how much he had missed me and he was sorry for the pain he caused. He said he just needed time to sort his head out, he suffered anxiety and depression in the past and he felt himself slipping back to that and just needed a break. Luckily the following week I had a trip booked to another country for 6 weeks, during the week before I left he saw me three more times and we ended up sleeping together. Lanie advised against this and said I should not allow a friends with benefits relationship but it was very hard for me to detach myself.
I left for my trip in April and it was the most incredible experience, I still practiced Lanie's technique almost daily before I went to bed and still believed we would be together again but mainly I just focused on myself and it was a life changing trip, I got my confidence back and it was very empowering. I did not speak to him the whole time I was gone and then a week before I was coming home he contacted me on Facebook to ask how my trip had been etc. and that we should catch up when I got back, I agreed and we met for dinner at my place. It was a little awkward at first, we didn't know how to act around each other.. there has always been a sexual chemistry between us and we aren't good at keeping our distance from each other! we ended up sleeping together (idiot I know!) but he was still not ready to commit to me, he was going on an overseas holiday for 6 weeks like I did and he was leaving in two months so he didn't want to rush anything and just wanted to catch up as friends initially. We caught up once a week on for the next two months and it was hard at first because he was unable to give me the relationship I wanted but the last 4 weeks of us seeing each other were the best they had ever been! we were so happy together, we both looked forward to out 'date night' he told me it was the best part of his week and it just made me so happy that we were finally on the right track and had a real chance at the relationship we both wanted. The day before his flight I went to a shopping centre with him because he needed a few things for his trip and he is hopeless at shopping! It was really fun, we were getting along and acting like a real couple, it felt very easy and comfortable I was on cloud 9! we went out for dinner that night and talked about a fresh start when he got back from his trip and he sounded really excited about it. He said he hoped this trip would help clear his mind and help him to become the boyfriend I deserved. The first 3 weeks of his trip were really positive, he was messaging me almost everyday telling me how much he missed me and couldn't wait to come home. The last 3 weeks I noticed a bit of a change in him but nothing that was too alarming, he was just starting to really enjoy himself and relax into the trip, he wasn't contacting me as much but when he did it was still positive. A few days before he was due to fly home his passport was stolen! which meant he was going to miss his flight home while he got a new one, I was devastated! it was going to be another week until he came home! This put a great deal of stress on him as his job is very demanding and they were not happy he was going to be away another week. He became a little more distant and I was worried but just put it down to the stress he was under. He then missed his flight home due to bad traffic and had to get another one the next day! he is the unluckiest person I know!! I thought I would do something nice for him to cheer him up and I booked a hotel for his first night home as a surprise. He was in contact as he was making his way home and was keeping me updated. We agreed I would pick him up from his house a little bit later on and I was going to take him back to the hotel. I was so excited!! I went to the room early and set out candles, I had my laptop with all his favourite shows for him to catch up on, I made dinner to heat up for later, I even got his favourite chocolate for him, I had thought of everything and I thought it was going to be the most perfect night.. I was wrong.
I picked him up, he got in the car then just said hey, no hug, no kiss, nothing.. like WTF hey? you haven't seen me for 6 weeks, you've told me you miss me and want to start again and all you can say is hey.. I knew something was wrong immediately! the hotel was only a 5 min drive away but it felt like eternity, I felt sick and I just knew he was going to tell me something bad. I pulled into the hotel car park and he felt so guilty I had done something so nice for him. We sat in the car and talked about what was going on. He said he just felt so low the last few days before he left and on the plane he just felt sick to his stomach about coming home, he said he just wanted to stay travelling, he didn't want to come back to his job or to his home he just wanted to be by himself. He said he truly did mean everything he said and wanted a fresh start but right now he just feels like he can't give me what I want, he doesn't think he loves me enough and he just feels so messed up, he said he is going to seek professional help to sort through what is going on with him. It is clear he is seriously depressed and I'm just devastated! I was totally not prepared for this and I am lost with what to do. We spent the night in the hotel and we were both crying most of the night, I have never seen him cry in 4 years so I knew something was wrong, he said he feels sick to his stomach for hurting me and he can't bare to see me upset and that it is killing him. I dropped him home early the next morning and I just cried all the way home. I was heart broken and so deeply sad for him as well. He contacted me later that night apologizing for everything and he said he made some calls to see a professional and hopefully he can work through his issues. I wished him all the best and that I would be there for him if he needed. This was last week and we did not contact each other again until I reached out today, we have tickets to see our favourite band tomorrow night we bought them 3 months ago and I was seeing if he still wanted to go. He said he did, but he is worried it will just upset me as he can't give me what I want and he would only be able to go as my friend. I said I understand that it would be just as friends but I still wanted to go with him.. now I am not so sure this is a good idea.. I am so confused. I don't know if the technique will get through to him while he is suffering such bad depression.. I am just looking for advice and support through this

Last edited by Blissful (10/05/2016 11:46 pm)