Blissful wrote:

I'm feeling really low today.. My guy and I went to the concert last night and we were having such a great time, we really enjoyed ourselves and we were both happy in each other's company. Then I think we both drank too much, he was walking me home and he was apologizing for hurting me and said he just needs time to deal with all of his issues and he doesn't want to lead me on when all he can offer me is friendship. He said it hurts him that I would just wait around for him and be in limbo because he can't give me what I want. He said he appreciates my support and he is lucky to have me around but he thinks I should just move on and find someone who can treat me the way I deserve. It hurts to have him constantly tell me this and push me away.. Makes it hard for me to stay positive and focus on the techniques when he keeps telling me to move on. I'm just feeling a bit lost at the moment

You know there are those times when a person say "it's not you its me" in this case he has shown you honestly and sincerely that he has some issues he needs to deal with.

You honestly should find some peace with the fact that he has extended such love and sincerity to you. It shows you have a foundation.

From her forth shake it off. Get back to enjoying life and enjoy the time you spend with him with no pressure or exepectations. Keep doing the techniques and move the focus away from seeing it as a hopeless situation.

When you give him the space he needs and heals yourself, things will unfold very organically.

emmiline: thank you for your advice, I do agree with you that not being friends would be easier but I just worry about him not having someone to talk to other then his therapist, he refuses to talk to anyone else so it's hard for me to walk away and leave him..

Oasiscalm: I agree with you that he has shown me love and sincerity and has been nothing but honest with me about his situation and how he is feeling. I do need to shift my focus from seeing it as hopeless but when we talk it is hard because he says things like he doesn't want to lead me on and that I can't wait around for him forever which implies to me that he doesn't see me in his future.. I know that is negative talk and I can change the outcome with belief and using lanie's technique but I am finding it difficult at the moment.

jellyb: at times yes, I do think it might be better to have no contact, I feel like it is easier for me to stay positive and have true belief we will be together when I don't hear from him because he just constantly reminds me that he cannot give me what I want. But then I find it hard to cut him off when he is going through such a difficult time and I want to support him through it..

P.s I don't know how to reply to people individually - I'm new to the forum! So if anyone can teach me the ways that would be great