I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and I completely understand. You think you're going along nicely and manifesting some magic then BAM shit hits the fan.

I don't know if I can help much but I read in a book years ago times like this can be a 'divinity test' like testing your resolve and how much faith you have.

It's like someone leading you down a dark dangerous road and they're saying 'if you trust me and surrender I promise it's beautiful at the end!'

But you're like erm.. how? This looks hopeless?

But you have to surrender and keep going, like a trust fall from the universe.

It's also helpful to keep affirming
'Whatever is happening right now, is a pathway to what I desire, to something amazing, even if it seems completely the opposite..' 

Sometimes the universe works in opposites and not everything is as it 'seems'

Sending you lots of love and good vibes.

X