THE IDEA OF forgiving is really hard for some people, especially in relationships. If you've been lied to, cheated on, or treated badly, it can be challenging to just say, "No biggie-all is forgiven." I've never been one to hold on to grudges or stay angry at someone, but I did have a hard time letting go of someone I cared about, no matter how badly he treated me. Even if I hadn't talked to him in months, I thought about him and got sad about things that had happened or wondered what he was doing, if he ever thought about me, and if he was dating anyone. 

I think most women obsess a little over an ex because we're just way more emotionally driven than men. Plus, now we have so many different ways to see what someone is up to that it's almost impossible not to do a little sneaky cyberstalking. Holding a grudge and holding on to the past are basically the same, whether you're angry or nostalgic. It's so hard for some women to let go of a person they cared so much for. Even if you're in a relationship that's on and off, when it's off it can feel like a death.

 I don't like to use the word forgive because I don't think the forgiveness process really works for most people when it comes to exes, not to mention it's next to impossible if you're dealing with a difficult breakup. Letting go is a lot of work, and sometimes that word just sounds too generic and one-dimensional for a complex breakup or long-term relationship issue. 

The best way to move on and let go of someone takes a little courage, but it's really simple. In fact, it's so simple that sometimes your mind will go crazy trying to make it complicated, but here it is: ​

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT HIM, WISH HIM WELL.

Yes, wish him well! You can call it sending blessings, good vibes, or good energy, but the most important thing is that even though you might feel hurt or sad, you'll heal and even thrive when you truly wish him well. This might sound weird and New Agey, but trust me, miracles happen when you do this. It literally comes back to you like a boomerang, and you set yourself and him free. 

It's true that what you wish for someone else you give to yourself. This is different than forgiving because you don't have to sit and think about all the shitty things he did and try to figure out how to come to terms with the situation. He's only human, and those things are in the past. This way you can throw the baby out with the bathwater and wipe your hands of it. No need to forgive because you skip all that and choose to move on completely, with nothing but good thoughts. The past is over and done with. ​

This doesn't mean you condone bad behavior or that you're a pushover. You're just choosing a better path. If you constantly think bad thoughts about him or obsess over what he's doing, all that negativity, like a boomerang, comes straight back to you. You feel bad because you think about the bad things he's done, or you feel lonely because you obsess over him and what he's doing or who he's doing it with. ​

Just disconnect from the negative things that have happened. Accept and take responsibility for your own happiness from now on, and in your heart wish him well. Then let go and know you're going to be fine. You get strength from rising above destructive thoughts and letting go of old negative patterns. Nothing good ever comes of petty or obsessive negative thinking, even if you feel it's justified. You reap what you sow. Once again, like a boomerang, it always comes back to​ you.

Don't, I repeat, do not text, e-mail, or call him to tell him you're thinking good thoughts about him or that you're sending him blessings. You'll sound like a nut, and it could get weird. This is something you do just for yourself, by yourself. ​

Decide to be a positive force. Wish him well when you think of him. Just picture him happy, and know that you'll also be happy. You both shared a special part of your lives with each other. You'll always be connected because of that, but set him free and send him love so you'll be free and able to receive love. If the relationship is really meant to be, you'll be together again when the time is right. ​

Please remember you are an amazing, unique, beautiful person, and you should never let someone -or even your thoughts about someone-bring you down and distract you from who you are and what you have to offer the world. If you don't believe that about yourself, figuring it out is a great way to start your new journey-free from letting your happiness and worth depend on something outside of yourself.​




Chapter 11:
https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Snap-Out-Relationship-Madness-ebook/dp/B01FTHLJIA