getitgirl wrote:

Hattie wrote:

just that she is so homely and unkempt and genuinely horrid. She has an obnoxious personality, no one can stand to be around her, she is always a slob and yet she manages to snare married and/or otherwise committed men all the time. There must be something.

Hattie - so sorry this has been happening to you. I know how frustrating it is to have someone like that seduce and hold your husband's attention especially when she sounds so cheap and low class. 

Your description of her reminded me of an article I saved years ago (to review when I get married) and I think it might give you some insight into why all these men are cheating with her:
http://relationship-coach.org/Attractiveness/what-is-attractive-to-others.html

I highlighted this paragraph:
"The women who are your competition are the one's who make your husband feel important, interesting, capable, and attractive. The admiring secretary has a much better chance of having an affair with your husband than the young beauty who lives next door--even if she is ten years older than you! To keep your husband attracted to you, you need to make your husband feel young (even if he's 60), attractive, important, and interesting. Don't do it because you fear losing him (that would be needy), but do it because you love him and because that's part of what it really means to be married."

It's not very likely that this woman is doing these visualization techniques; she probably doesn't need them. Manipulators have their own way of getting what they want, and she's either making these guys feel like kings or doing the opposite - being an absolute demanding bitch (many guys respond to this). 

Whatever it is - you CAN turn this around. Step back and ask yourself how do you want things to BE? (This question has helped me a lot when things were spiraling downhill.) 

We're all cheering and rooting for you... please update us on how things are progressing! Wish you LOTS OF success! Your husband ain't going anywhere, he's yours and ONLY yours. 

Thank you for writing this. These were my exact same thoughts. When I found out that my ex was cheating on me, I expected her to be a supermodel type, way younger. I met her, and I thought WTF?  She was unattractive, unkempt, uneducated.  But the thing is she was making him feel like a winner. She took every opportunity to compliment him. He was on a pedestal with her. Of course these relationships don't last, but that's the attraction. He feels good about himself with her.

I don't think she's using anything except making him feel like a winner. So, with Lanie's technique, there's a definite edge that she doesn't have.

Last edited by DC (12/14/2016 4:58 pm)

Hattie wrote:

UPDATE:
Okay - whew! - well Lanie is NOT kidding when she says a little goes a long way. I was so eager to work the energy on my husband, that I probably over-corrected, lol. I can absolutely attest to the power of this technique; not only on my husband, but on the other woman as well. I have not been focusing on her, per se, but when my thoughts land on her at any point in my day (which, at first was A LOT but has lessened over the course of this week - let's hope that continues because I do not want that trash taking up real estate in my head) I imagine her with her back to me and I see myself pointing to an imaginary 'door' and saying "out". I do not 'meditate' on her. I do not focus deliberate attention on her. But anytime she crosses my mind, I just point to the door. Also, it seems to be helping ME feel better; as if she really isn't a problem for me at all, more of a pest to just shew away. Well, it seems to be working. She has all but stopped calling him, texting him, asking for handy-man help at her apartment (this woman lives in the same complex as we do - so unbelievably horrible but, I am choosing to believe this is all temporary) and when she was able to snare him for a few hours to watch her kids (she has a problem with getting pregnant from other womens husbands) he came home with cash. She paid him and he was sad about it! She is treating him like someone whose services are no longer required. And she hasn't contacted him in 3 days!!! Meanwhile, the first day after my initial post, my husband and I basically ravished one another in the kitchen and then didn't really know where to put that, lol. It had been so long since we had shared that level of intense love-making that he withdrew from me almost immediately. But he has been helping me everyday in strange little ways - things he never (or rarely) did before and probably what contributed to so much tension in our marriage to begin with, because I really did resent him since having our daughter for not being more helpful when he's home. But he's making the coffee in the morning now, starting up my car on cold mornings so that it's nice and warm for me by the time I need to leave, playing more with our little girl and really making an effort to notice what needs doing, rather than me having to ask. Yesterday, he came up behind me as I was finishing up dinner dishes and he just took over. He has NEVER done that. Ever. In seven years of marriage he has never just offered to finish up so I could go sit down. Mind blown. Today we took a shower together and just held each other and kissed (I won't get TMI - but it was really tender and emotional). He's still sleeping downstairs. And he's not yet "there" with regard to feeling in-love with me again. But I keep mindfully visualizing myself looking into his eyes and whispering prompts like Lanie says to do ("I'm the only woman you want, need and love" or I'll say "thank you for helping me save our love") and really trying to be appreciative as if he has already changed. Ladies: this is working. I mean, I'm still crossing all my bits and knocking on all the wood, lol. But I am telling you, it is a marked difference all around. -Hattie

That's great news! I'm happy for you! Now keep on doing the methods. Did you do the method the day after you posted this thread? Cuz you said the day after your initial post, you and your husband had a special moment together?

DC wrote:

getitgirl wrote:

Hattie wrote:

just that she is so homely and unkempt and genuinely horrid. She has an obnoxious personality, no one can stand to be around her, she is always a slob and yet she manages to snare married and/or otherwise committed men all the time. There must be something.

Hattie - so sorry this has been happening to you. I know how frustrating it is to have someone like that seduce and hold your husband's attention especially when she sounds so cheap and low class. 

Your description of her reminded me of an article I saved years ago (to review when I get married) and I think it might give you some insight into why all these men are cheating with her:
http://relationship-coach.org/Attractiveness/what-is-attractive-to-others.html

I highlighted this paragraph:
"The women who are your competition are the one's who make your husband feel important, interesting, capable, and attractive. The admiring secretary has a much better chance of having an affair with your husband than the young beauty who lives next door--even if she is ten years older than you! To keep your husband attracted to you, you need to make your husband feel young (even if he's 60), attractive, important, and interesting. Don't do it because you fear losing him (that would be needy), but do it because you love him and because that's part of what it really means to be married."

It's not very likely that this woman is doing these visualization techniques; she probably doesn't need them. Manipulators have their own way of getting what they want, and she's either making these guys feel like kings or doing the opposite - being an absolute demanding bitch (many guys respond to this). 

Whatever it is - you CAN turn this around. Step back and ask yourself how do you want things to BE? (This question has helped me a lot when things were spiraling downhill.) 

We're all cheering and rooting for you... please update us on how things are progressing! Wish you LOTS OF success! Your husband ain't going anywhere, he's yours and ONLY yours. 

Thank you for writing this. These were my exact same thoughts. When I found out that my ex was cheating on me, I expected her to be a supermodel type, way younger. I met her, and I thought WTF? She was unattractive, unkempt, uneducated. But the thing is she was making him feel like a winner. She took every opportunity to compliment him. He was on a pedestal with her. Of course these relationships don't last, but that's the attraction. He feels good about himself with her.

I don't think she's using anything except making him feel like a winner. So, with Lanie's technique, there's a definite edge that she doesn't have.

Yeah, I had the same thing happen with mine. The women he's been with since have been ugly as fuck. The first one was 300lbs, the second one was about 250lbs @ 5ft and looks like a bowling ball with feet. She also looks 10 years older than she actually is. The one after her had a fricken face tattoo. There's been a few more and not one of them are good looking. I swear if you stripped them for their best features and put together Franken-ho, you'd have a 5 at best.  The thing he wants most is control and a submissive woman that just goes along with anything he says. Ain't going to happen. Even these women have been dumping him because no one is going to put up with his sh*t. 

Sushi & aligemini, thanks for the smiles!