Indigo wrote:

Blissful wrote:

Hey lovelies,
​So for the past couple of weeks I have been working to raise my vibration, focus on myself and love unconditionally all things in life. I am loving Lanies love spell and I have been using EFT to get rid of blockages and I am feeling SO much better!
​Okay, so I am meeting with a mutual friend of my loves tonight and I am a bit nervous.. She is dating one of his close friends, she is American, her boyfriend was living with my love and I and another couple when she was here on a one year visa a year and a half ago and it was such a fun time! I got on really well with her and when my love left and moved out at the beginning of last year she was there for me and really helped me through everything. Fast forward 6 months from then (my love and I started seeing each other again) he decides to go with her boyfriend to America for a holiday.. so this is where it gets complicated because this was the trip my love took that seemed to change everything between us. Before he left he promised we would have a fresh start in a committed loving relationship when he got back.. we msg'd every day while he was away and it was great until a couple of weeks before he came home and he got distant and cold.. he then came home and decided he didn't want to start again, he wanted to go back to America to live, he still hasn't achieved that goal and kept me at arms length for the last 6 months because I was too in love with him to walk away.. we've been 3 weeks NC and I am feeling stronger and more sure of myself everyday thanks to Lanie! Anyway, the whole point of my long re-cap of the past is that the she was there on that trip with my love and I am so tempted to ask her about it but I know that is a recipe for disaster.. She randomly flew to Australia a couple of days ago for two weeks to see her boyfriend who is still living in the same house with my love so she will be staying there with him and the thought of seeing her just brings up so many emotions in me. it was so nice of her to want to catch up with me and I am grateful but I am so nervous that I wont be able to stop myself from asking her things about my love and that she might bring him up too and ask questions..  I'd like some sort of closure as to why he suddenly wanted different things halfway through his trip.. but at the same time I know its the past and I should probably just let it go and try to have a good night with her..
  

  
  
If you are in NC with him then you don't need to hang with a mutual friend whose boyfriend is living
with your ex.  The thing to do is call her to cancel, tell her something suddenly came up or whatever.
He's going to find out you got together and he's going to conclude you are only fishing for information
about what he's up to.  Meeting with her makes you look desperate.  If you are serious about going
NC, don't do it.
  
  

 

Thanks for the reply! its tricky because even though we met because our boyfriends are friends, she was more my friend then my loves.. we did heaps of stuff together when she was living in Australia and wouldn't really ever spend time with my guy, the only time they spent time together without me was the 6 weeks they spent together in America when he was on holiday, and even then I'm sure she spent more time with her boyfriend considering he lives on the other side of the world to her at the moment.. She contacted me to meet up and I would really like to see her.. I do see where you're coming from though and the risks that could be involved in catching up with her, I'm just really unsure what to do as I do really love and appreciate her..
 

Blissful wrote:

Hey lovelies,
​So for the past couple of weeks I have been working to raise my vibration, focus on myself and love unconditionally all things in life. I am loving Lanies love spell and I have been using EFT to get rid of blockages and I am feeling SO much better!
​Okay, so I am meeting with a mutual friend of my loves tonight and I am a bit nervous.. She is dating one of his close friends, she is American, her boyfriend was living with my love and I and another couple when she was here on a one year visa a year and a half ago and it was such a fun time! I got on really well with her and when my love left and moved out at the beginning of last year she was there for me and really helped me through everything. Fast forward 6 months from then (my love and I started seeing each other again) he decides to go with her boyfriend to America for a holiday.. so this is where it gets complicated because this was the trip my love took that seemed to change everything between us. Before he left he promised we would have a fresh start in a committed loving relationship when he got back.. we msg'd every day while he was away and it was great until a couple of weeks before he came home and he got distant and cold.. he then came home and decided he didn't want to start again, he wanted to go back to America to live, he still hasn't achieved that goal and kept me at arms length for the last 6 months because I was too in love with him to walk away.. we've been 3 weeks NC and I am feeling stronger and more sure of myself everyday thanks to Lanie! Anyway, the whole point of my long re-cap of the past is that the she was there on that trip with my love and I am so tempted to ask her about it but I know that is a recipe for disaster.. She randomly flew to Australia a couple of days ago for two weeks to see her boyfriend who is still living in the same house with my love so she will be staying there with him and the thought of seeing her just brings up so many emotions in me. it was so nice of her to want to catch up with me and I am grateful but I am so nervous that I wont be able to stop myself from asking her things about my love and that she might bring him up too and ask questions..  I'd like some sort of closure as to why he suddenly wanted different things halfway through his trip.. but at the same time I know its the past and I should probably just let it go and try to have a good night with her..

You've given a very detailed explanation of the past events and how this girl relates to you and your ex. But
I'm not sure whether you posted the story to simply off load or wanted some specific advice about something.

Blissful wrote:

 
Sorry! its confusing and I guess it was a bit of both.. I was curious to see others opinion on this, I thought maybe I could get some closure from her based on her observations of my guy when they were in America together as he never really articulated why he changed his mind so dramatically.. I guess this is wrong of me to do and I should just let it go.
  

  
  
I don't think you're wrong, and you never really said you were NC.  But you did refer
to him as your love.  If you don't care what he thinks then go for it but if you're doing
NC and you are trying to get him back, do the things that Lanie teaches to make
that happen.

If you all are over and done with, it's natural to want to know why he changed his
mind, but sometimes in life there just is no closure.  I think if a man really cared
for a woman, he would at least tell you how he felt about things just as a courtesy,
instead of leaving you wondering why. 

  
  

 

Blissful wrote:

Oasiscalm wrote:

Blissful wrote:

Hey lovelies,
​So for the past couple of weeks I have been working to raise my vibration, focus on myself and love unconditionally all things in life. I am loving Lanies love spell and I have been using EFT to get rid of blockages and I am feeling SO much better!
​Okay, so I am meeting with a mutual friend of my loves tonight and I am a bit nervous.. She is dating one of his close friends, she is American, her boyfriend was living with my love and I and another couple when she was here on a one year visa a year and a half ago and it was such a fun time! I got on really well with her and when my love left and moved out at the beginning of last year she was there for me and really helped me through everything. Fast forward 6 months from then (my love and I started seeing each other again) he decides to go with her boyfriend to America for a holiday.. so this is where it gets complicated because this was the trip my love took that seemed to change everything between us. Before he left he promised we would have a fresh start in a committed loving relationship when he got back.. we msg'd every day while he was away and it was great until a couple of weeks before he came home and he got distant and cold.. he then came home and decided he didn't want to start again, he wanted to go back to America to live, he still hasn't achieved that goal and kept me at arms length for the last 6 months because I was too in love with him to walk away.. we've been 3 weeks NC and I am feeling stronger and more sure of myself everyday thanks to Lanie! Anyway, the whole point of my long re-cap of the past is that the she was there on that trip with my love and I am so tempted to ask her about it but I know that is a recipe for disaster.. She randomly flew to Australia a couple of days ago for two weeks to see her boyfriend who is still living in the same house with my love so she will be staying there with him and the thought of seeing her just brings up so many emotions in me. it was so nice of her to want to catch up with me and I am grateful but I am so nervous that I wont be able to stop myself from asking her things about my love and that she might bring him up too and ask questions..  I'd like some sort of closure as to why he suddenly wanted different things halfway through his trip.. but at the same time I know its the past and I should probably just let it go and try to have a good night with her..

You've given a very detailed explanation of the past events and how this girl relates to you and your ex. But
I'm not sure whether you posted the story to simply off load or wanted some specific advice about something.

Sorry! its confusing and I guess it was a bit of both.. I was curious to see others opinion on this, I thought maybe I could get some closure from her based on her observations of my guy when they were in America together as he never really articulated why he changed his mind so dramatically.. I guess this is wrong of me to do and I should just let it go.

There is only two people in then world who can give you closure. Either him or you. Expecting to get some "insight" into what happened around your break up from this girl is a fruitless mission. She will be giving you her version of the events she observed. And that just adds another layer of confusion to the drama.

As you were previously friends it's up to you whether you meet up with her. For me personally I wouldn't not meet someone just because they are a mutual friend of your ex. But I would try to exercise some control and not bring up your ex, especially if you think it's going to upset you.