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1/03/2018 10:11 am  #1


When you are the one that did the breaking up

I was browsing the forum and I saw someone mention that the no contact rule means NO CONTACT and then in parenthesis said "unless you were the one doing the breakup".

Brief summary of situation:  we met when we were both married but separated.   I filed for divorce, I got divorced.  It's been 2.5 years since we met.  We have had a rocky time needless to say.  He did finally tell his wife he wanted a divorce back in May, but has made no other attempts to get divorced.  He kept involving himself deeper and deeper into my life and I got ZERO from his.   I have literally not even met one of his friends, relatives, no one.  So, I got tired of it, it hurts, and before I knew it on Friday night I kicked him to the curb.   We live 45 minutes away from each other, we have none of the same friends, there is no way for me to accidentally bump into him, he does not have any social media.  it is complete cut off. 
The last thing I texted him was that I needed to meet the people in his life and i needed him to get a divorce and until then this is what I had to do. He did not reply. I feel like that is an appropriate boundary and there is no other reason to contact him. 

Last night I hand wrote my own "closure" letter to him, without an intention to deliver it.  I'm pretty sure right now his perspective is that I intentionally used him last week (he was doing a LOT for me and my kids), and basically once he had finished what I needed him to do, I dropped him.  After he told me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me, I dumped him.  Granted, that's not how I set out for it to go, I didn't plan to do this, but anyway.  I LOVE this man, we have something special, I just need more.  

Just wanted some feedback to ensure that no contact is what is right for me.  

1/05/2018 4:29 pm  #2


Re: When you are the one that did the breaking up

Is he still living with his wife or is it just that he hasn't started divorce proceedings?

If it's the first then no I wouldn't break no contact at all unless you are ready to deal with going back to the same situation.
 

1/05/2018 9:15 pm  #3


Re: When you are the one that did the breaking up

I don't know.  honestly he claims he stays on his dad's couch when he didn't stay at my place.  But i truly don't know.  granted I suspect it to be trued I'm not going back to the same situation regardless, even if he wasn't staying there the situation is TOO MUCH for me.  He would have to be divorced and I would have to be able to be part of his life.  I'm not exaggerating, i've never met anyone that he knows.  anyway, i guess that's my answer.  If he wants me, he'll find me. 

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