Hi All

Newbie here! I've been lurking on here for the past week since discovering Lanie and want to say a huge thanks to you all (and Lanie) for the amazing uplifting posts, they give me hope

Not really sure where to start with my post so bear with me.  Back in the summer while on holiday abroad with my family I took a liking to one of the guys who worked in the restaurant we used to go to quite a lot. We all got friendly with all the workers as you do on holiday. During my week there he took photos of himself and us all with my phone and asked me to send them to him, he then friend requested me on FB so I could do this. Me and him ended up getting together my last night and day there. The morning I got back he messaged me to see if I was ok, I messaged him a few days later wishing him well on exams he was sitting at Uni that week.  That week I accidentally (honest I did) called him but immediately hung up, only for him to call me straight back. Anyway long story short since that call we spoke throughout the day every day (just under 3000 messages and 20 phone calls in just under 2 months). He asked me to go back to see him at the start of our messaging each other and we eventually agreed on a date for me to go, he arranged an apartment for us to stay in. The first week I was there was brilliant he seemed to be over the moon to see me, came straight up from work when I arrived, big hugs and kisses etc! We'd cuddle at night watching TV, kissing my forehead, staring in my eyes when we were intimate etc. He'd message to see where I was when I wasn't with him, always walked me back to apartment if he had to work late and I was tired. Made plans for things to do my second week there. The start of the second week things go a weird, he starts being quiet on me (he also had a lot of stuff going on in his personal life while I was there). One night I was down at the restaurant having something to eat, he was working as usual and I see this girl sat on her own, he spoke to her a few times which made me think something was going on.  As it turned out I was right, he disappeared with the girl later on! Before this another older woman went into the restaurant who it turned out stayed in the same apartments as me, when my guy and the other girl disappeared this woman immediately came out introduced herself and proceeded to ask me questions, if i was single etc. She then informed me that the girl she had been sat with was my guys girlfriend, this woman had no idea there was anything with me and him. Me and him had never discussed what we meant to each other, I have never told him how I felt about him.  He was perfectly entitled to see other girls as was I guys it was more the fact he didn't tell me, his reason when I confronted him when I found out was he didn't want to hurt me! He also claimed they haven’t been together long!

Sorry i'm rambling.....the short of it is we have spoken a few times since i've been back (about 3-4 weeks), i've initiated contact both times! I contacted him a third time (I know I shouldn't have) which he read the next day but hasn't responded at all.  I know he's still with this other girl and she's back home now, she lives in a different country also.

I should probably point out that since first spotting my guy I thought i'd have no chance as i'm a good bit older than him and i'm quite an insecure person.  Throughout the time we were talking my thoughts were always negative, why is he talking to me, he could have any girl he wanted, the usual!

Sorry for the long story but I wanted to give some background.  I've been doing PW for just under a week with a few BWD thrown in, since i've been doing them I was doing really well with trying to keep positive etc. Yesterday at work I was going through reports and one of them had a surname not too dissimilar to his, he has a very unusual foreign surname, I took this as a small sign of some sort. Then last night his g/f tagged him in a post, a jokey post which mentioned girlfriend and when I saw this I just burst into tears and felt all i'd been doing was a waste of time.  My mood has been very low today.  I'm aware of things i'm doing wrong like checking his fb and hers, contacting him and not letting him go.  I also have problems when trying to visualise him, I find it hard to see him clearly or have him look at me when he's talking, she also keeps popping into it! HELP!!!

I'm going to download the PW meditation and probably also the cutting the cord one and give them a try too