Hi violetback, welcome 
I think i can understand what youre going through here.

So from what ive read, you are not together romantically in fact he is in a relationship with someone else even though you both harbour feelings for each other.
I am offering you some practical advice here. I think you need clear boundaries with him because the current situation is taking a toll on you mentally and emotionally.
Are you able to leave the business, can he buy you out? It must be torture seeing him everyday and asking yourself all these questions, doubting.
The way i see it, he wants the best of both worlds. He cant commit to you because he chose someone else, but doesnt want you out of his life. Its like you fulfil some kind of need he has. I like how you said youre a 0 or 1 girl, and i hope youve communicated this to him so he knows where you stand.
Now make a list of everything he does that is bordering on relationship territory with you. Then tell him to stop it, and keep your relationship professional. Not even 'just friends', cut him off emotionally, dont even be there for him thats what his gf is for thats why he is with her (for now). If you can, keep doing PW on him but hold on to your power. Keep your cool, be professional unless he proves by his actions he wants a serious relationship with you.
I might sound harsh and you may not want to go to this extreme (like leaving the business  ), but i am supporting you and your well being, not his.
*hugs*

oh by the way..I got one more question, sometime when i feel down n missing him, I would do PW n visualization, most of the time I would tell him how i feel n visualize us spending time together. Wat kind of message would he receive? is there something else I should do when PW to send him the message that "he wants a serious relationship with me" properly?

hmm...and I know the need I have been fulfilling which his gf does not. I m playful n have great sense of humor in general, in the last few years we talk through morning to bedtime, we had so many topics to talk for hours everyday. I was like a gf-buddy to him. Is it something i could use in PW?

violetback wrote:

Hi there,

I have been reading Lanie's book for awhile n having ups n downs...I don't sure what to desire,
Ex n I started a biz when we first started dating. Broke up 2 yrs ago n he had a new relationship months later. He came back (while still dating her), we kept being somewhat more than just friend...not intimately. She found out and broke up with him n earlier this year, they got back together. I have been feeling ups (while i could detach) n downs all along and it's very difficult. Neither of us would leave the biz in near future, and he keeps trying to be friend. For me, it's 1 or 0...it's been a battle for me deep down that i want him back / completely out of my life. i know he still has feelings for me but not enough to do much about it. I did PW once awhile n i can see he's getting much attached (call me every morning to wake me up...ask me for lunch, text after work). But the more of these the more doubt of myself comes, will this be another time like the last time? he just wants me as work buddy (he said so)? is he just using me to fill the void?

I had that thought that I am not good enough for him to commit compare to her...it's been haunting me. I don't know what to desire. I will be happy if he values me as a life partner. Someone he wanna spend his time and effort to be with. Btw, I tried to meet new ppl after we broke up but i couldn't fall in love for any one of time for long, usually the relationship ends itself in 1-2 months...I feel i have no choice n being stuck.

Thanks for reading, I feel shame to talk to my friends because they think he doesn't worth my emotion n make me feel even worse. it's nice to write it out =]
Appreciate all your reply!

 

Hi Violetback,

You are definitely in the right place for support!

You have had some great advice already,  I think I sound like a stuck record on here, but when I read your post, the first thing I thought was "this girl needs to take herself off the table - she should not be an option for him"  As Emmiline wisely pointed he needs to respect you and your boundaries.  However, have you thought about what your boundaries actually are?  Do you actually respect yourself, and if you don't then why? 

You are using him and his actions as a benchmark of your own worth.  Which is ridiculous because you are the only person on earth fit to judge who you are.  Your work is to figure out WHO you are... What do YOU enjoy? What do YOU want out of a relationship?  How do YOU feel you should be treated?  At the moment these questions are being answered by another person's actions - and you teach people how to treat you for good or for bad.  I'm not preaching at you because I was downtrodden and treated like dirt.  Then I decided I had  to answer the questions above for my own sanity.

Instead of visualising about him when you are down (which is the worst time to do it anyway, due to the intense feelings of low self worth and desperation) script the person you want to be, not just in a relationship in life in general.  Then really live like that person would live.  How would she react to being called "childish"? How would she feel about being dropped when he decided?  How confident would she feel about walking into work whether he was there or not?  Make it a game, when you go to YOUR business, to act in the way that scripted woman would who had complete control over her life, who knew her worth and her boundaries.

You will soon become that person, and THEN you will be a position to do the PW visualisations.....if you still want him then anyway lol!.  Find your power lady!!!