Posted by Blissful  11/11/2016 10:22 pm | #1 |
Hello wonderful people,
I am coming to you all with hope of some advice.. My love and I met each other for the first time in a month last weekend, he contacted me the night before saying he was in a bad way and needed help. He is suffering from depression at the moment and has just started therapy but he doesn't want to take any medication. I called him straight away and he was very drunk and wanted me to come over but I was visiting family four hours away and so I couldn't make it, I stayed talking to him until he walked home and got into bed. I msg'd him the next day to see how he was and he just tried to act like it wasn't a big deal and he probably made it sound worse then it did and he shouldn't have contacted me and worried me. I asked if he still wanted to catch up and he said he did but only if we didn't talk about 'us' or his mental situation, which is very typical of him as he just cant seem to deal with everything at the moment. I agreed and we met at a bar and just enjoyed each others company and caught each other up on what's been going on in our lives etc. he was touching my leg every now and then and saying he was proud of me at how strong I have been and how much I've changed for the better. I dropped him home and he asked if I'd like to come in which of course I wanted to.. then one thing led to another and we slept together. I tried to just focus on this as a step forward and that he still needs time to be ready for a committed relationship and not to be too bummed that he didn't want to get back together yet. I reached out to him a few days later asking if he could drop off a back pack he borrowed as I am going on holiday, he said he would drop it round and that was last night. He came over late and I could tell he was not in a very good way and looked so tired and run down. He was talking to me about how he is looking into travelling overseas to live/work as he feels like he is running out of time and wants to experience new things before he is 30 (he is 28 next January) and it did upset me a bit because it just seems like he wants to run away rather then try to work things out with me.. he could tell I was upset and he said he's sorry he cant give me what I want right now but he is so confused in his own mind at the moment and just doesn't know what the hell he wants to do. I can see the pain in him and I know he is struggling really badly and he just pushes me away emotionally but then he wants me physically.. we ended up sleeping together again last night and a part of me was happy then another part of me thought is this the right thing to be doing? Are we just becoming friends with benefits or is this how it has to be for now until he clears his head.. I am so confused on what to do moving forward.. its so hard with him being so unwell because if his desire to run away overseas is stronger then my desire to be with him then I just don't see us being together. I know I create my own reality but he creates his too and dealing with someone who has a mental health issue is challenging because I feel like my PW sessions and love I send him are being blocked and not getting through to him.. sorry this is so long! I just needed to get it all out and hopefully get some clarity on the situation. I love him and I know we can have a beautiful relationship but its difficult when he keeps resisting and only wanting me on a physical level and never wants to talk about us or how he feels..
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Posted by Marz 11/11/2016 10:33 pm | #2 |
I strongly advise again sleeping with a guy (ex or otherwise) without getting a full commitment first. Please just don't do it.
This is a sticky situation and he seems confused and to be going through quite a lot of pain. I would continue doing PW and see him as happy and healthy and move forward with your life and kinda let him do his thing. He's not in a good place for a relationship anyhow, he is struggling enough trying to take care of himself.
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Posted by emmiline 11/12/2016 12:10 am | #4 |
Hi blissful,
Big hugs to you.
Sleeping with him will make you even more confused at this stage. I understand us ladies just want to heal our men and make everything better. You might need boundaries here to protect your heart, and avoid the physical intimacy issues.
All advice given is intended in the best interest of whomever I may be replying to & my opinions may not necessarily reflect those of the wider community on the forum.
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Posted by Blissful 11/12/2016 1:04 am | #5 |
Marz wrote:
I strongly advise again sleeping with a guy (ex or otherwise) without getting a full commitment first. Please just don't do it.
This is a sticky situation and he seems confused and to be going through quite a lot of pain. I would continue doing PW and see him as happy and healthy and move forward with your life and kinda let him do his thing. He's not in a good place for a relationship anyhow, he is struggling enough trying to take care of himself.
Thank you Marz.. I think I know deep down that is the right choice, it's just so hard to stop myself but I know it's doing more damage to both of us for a moment of pleasure. I need to be strong for both of us and let him go despite how much it hurts.. 
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Posted by Blissful 11/12/2016 1:07 am | #6 |
I'd just send him pink healing light for now and hope he heals. If you send me a pic of him I can try to send him some remote healing as well.
Sushi you beautiful soul, that is so kind of you and I would absolutely love that. I will PM you a picture of him. Thank you!
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Posted by Blissful 11/12/2016 1:10 am | #7 |
Hi blissful,
Big hugs to you.
Sleeping with him will make you even more confused at this stage. I understand us ladies just want to heal our men and make everything better. You might need boundaries here to protect your heart, and avoid the physical intimacy issues.
Thank you for this advice emmiline, it does just make things harder.. Kind of like being in limbo just waiting for him to commit to me but I know I have to be strong and let him go, just needed encouragement, I am so grateful for this forum for the help and guidance
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Posted by Oasiscalm 11/13/2016 9:15 am | #8 |
Hi blissful,
Big hugs to you.
Sleeping with him will make you even more confused at this stage. I understand us ladies just want to heal our men and make everything better. You might need boundaries here to protect your heart, and avoid the physical intimacy issues.
Thank you for this advice emmiline, it does just make things harder.. Kind of like being in limbo just waiting for him to commit to me but I know I have to be strong and let him go, just needed encouragement, I am so grateful for this forum for the help and guidance
You don't need to be in limbo.
You absolutely shouldn't be in limbo. You should never sit around waiting for someone to commit to you. When you set your self worth at a high standard you won't be in limbo.
Get back to your life. When he is ready for you he will find you and things will unfold as they need to.
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Posted by Marz 11/13/2016 9:46 am | #9 |
I strongly advise again sleeping with a guy (ex or otherwise) without getting a full commitment first. Please just don't do it.
This is a sticky situation and he seems confused and to be going through quite a lot of pain. I would continue doing PW and see him as happy and healthy and move forward with your life and kinda let him do his thing. He's not in a good place for a relationship anyhow, he is struggling enough trying to take care of himself.
Thank you Marz.. I think I know deep down that is the right choice, it's just so hard to stop myself but I know it's doing more damage to both of us for a moment of pleasure. I need to be strong for both of us and let him go despite how much it hurts..
I get it. In that moment, it feels great because the both of you are so close and connected - but as you said, deep down, you know it's not the right choice.
Giving your body to a man is a gift that should be earned. If you continue to sleep with him, love him, support him and do everything a girlfriend does without him committing to you, why would he need to commit?
You'll be in my most loving and healing thoughts <3
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Posted by Blissful 11/19/2016 11:31 pm | #10 |
Hi blissful,
Big hugs to you.
Sleeping with him will make you even more confused at this stage. I understand us ladies just want to heal our men and make everything better. You might need boundaries here to protect your heart, and avoid the physical intimacy issues.
Thank you for this advice emmiline, it does just make things harder.. Kind of like being in limbo just waiting for him to commit to me but I know I have to be strong and let him go, just needed encouragement, I am so grateful for this forum for the help and guidanceYou don't need to be in limbo.
You absolutely shouldn't be in limbo. You should never sit around waiting for someone to commit to you. When you set your self worth at a high standard you won't be in limbo.
Get back to your life. When he is ready for you he will find you and things will unfold as they need to.
Thank you Oasiscalm, I needed to read this! I just got back from holiday so I'm catching up on the forum and it was so nice to see some more advice on my situation.. I feel a lot stronger and clear minded of what I want and my worthiness to have it. I saw sleeping together as progress and that it will eventually lead to commitment but I see now that I had it backwards.. the commitment needs to come first before any sexual relationship can develop.. it just felt natural to sleep with him as we've been together 5 years and he just feels like home but I need to just see this as a new relationship starting from scratch and I wouldn't just sleep with someone straight away as we're just starting out. I need time on my own to focus on me and get myself in alignment and he will be back when he has found alignment in himself to. I trust the universe and I am not going to force anything to happen
