Posted by HH  2/08/2017 5:39 pm | #81 |
wouldn't it be if he was thinking of himself and his well being (and his thoughts) then he would have backed off.
So you're thinking that because he is thinking of me, he proposed to her so he doesn't lose her?
I guess I don't really understand...
Aphrodite11 wrote:
No !!!!! Just no !!!!!
You think he thinks about her !!!!!!!! Bullshit !!!!!
With all the work you have been doing there is no way he can think of anyone else except you !!!!!
If he was thinking so much about her and cared for her then I don't think he would have gone ahead and proposed.
When humans have someone else in their mind all the time, feel things for someone else all the time while they are with someone else, we call it emotional cheating.
I am not saying your man is a bad person. No. Not at all.
What I saying is that if he proposed to her while having feelings only for you then he doesn't really care and think about her. If he was thinking of her or her well being, then he would have backed off.
I could be wrong. But still, this is what I think.
Don't you give up HH !!!!
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Posted by Aphrodite11 2/10/2017 6:13 am | #82 |
wouldn't it be if he was thinking of himself and his well being (and his thoughts) then he would have backed off.
So you're thinking that because he is thinking of me, he proposed to her so he doesn't lose her?
I guess I don't really understand...
No !!!!! Just no !!!!!
You think he thinks about her !!!!!!!! Bullshit !!!!!
With all the work you have been doing there is no way he can think of anyone else except you !!!!!
If he was thinking so much about her and cared for her then I don't think he would have gone ahead and proposed.
When humans have someone else in their mind all the time, feel things for someone else all the time while they are with someone else, we call it emotional cheating.
I am not saying your man is a bad person. No. Not at all.
What I saying is that if he proposed to her while having feelings only for you then he doesn't really care and think about her. If he was thinking of her or her well being, then he would have backed off.
I could be wrong. But still, this is what I think.
Don't you give up HH !!!!
Human beings are very complicated creatures. Humans go through so many different emotions for petty things.
How many times has it happened that a person is with someone yet has somebody else in the mind?
They are with one person but truly want to be with another person yet stay with whoever they are with.
It's very common.
On surface, anyone will think that this person wants to be with their current partner because they seem to go ahead and do a lot of things with them but things are very different on the inside.
Things are not always what they seem.
I don't think it is because he doesn't want to lose her. It could be because he is already with her in a committed relationship and he just doesn't feel for her the way he feels for you and thinks that taking things to next level might help with that.
It's a confusing situation for him. Having one person in mind but being with another can very very very confusing. It's not easy to deal with such situation.
Many times people go ahead with things even when they don't truly want to. You can notice this in everyday life around you.
And it could be the girl might be wanting to get married and must be pestering him with that.
He didn't tell his mom and that is unlikely of him.
Trust me honey, he thinks of you.
I mentioned that friend of mine on whom I used PW, she doesn't talk that way. She doesn't really apologise like that. She has hurt many of her friends and she doesn't really apologise. They all left her and I was the last person standing besides her and now I am gone. When she contacted me after PW it was her regular "let's be friends". No apology, nothing. In fact in her mind she is always right even if she knows she is wrong because for whatever reason she thinks. She doesn't bother apologising. Even with another friend, with whom she had a fall out, a friend who was always there for her, even more than me, even when she hurt him repeatedly, she didn't apologise. In fact when she spoke to him after one year she started with hi hello and directly jumped to "Lend me rupees 2000/-". The nerve of the girl !!!!
Yet here she was repeating the words I visualised. I have never heard her saying "I hurt you". Not once in 8 to 9 years. I am not saying she is bad person. I take the responsibility. All us friends were responsible as we enabled her. She used to hurt others, insult others yet we didn't learn.
But just look at it, a person like her saying those things. It works.
So dear it works. I know in this situation it is difficult to believe. Try using PW on somebody else for regular things. You will get the proof.
But heal yourself. I know this must have been a shock and very hurtful. You have to heal yourself dear. You will get stronger. Don't worry. Give it some time and this won't even bother you ever again.
RISE
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Posted by HH 2/10/2017 5:48 pm | #83 |
Thanks so much Aphrodite, that makes sense...
even with him thinking of me and having those feelings, his free will made him ignore those feelings and propose to her. It's what you said: "They are with one person but truly want to be with another person yet stay with whoever they are with. It's very common."
what would you do in this situation knowing that he had the free will and moved forward with the current situation and current relationship? he clearly chose her. and I think he knows better than to just propose, since we were already engaged and he went through this process... i can't imagine him not thinking this through wholeheartedly...
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Posted by emmiline 2/10/2017 7:16 pm | #84 |
Hi HH, sorry about the turn of events. There is a saying "when a person shows you who they are, believe them".
Now that you can see where his focus is, its time to take a step back and release him.
Asking yourself again and again why this happened is not going to help you. He made a choice, its as simple as that, however he came to that conclusion is not for you to keep questioning.
You need to focus on you, and your healing. Move forward with the mentality that he lost you, not the other way around.
I hope you are at peace soon.
All advice given is intended in the best interest of whomever I may be replying to & my opinions may not necessarily reflect those of the wider community on the forum.
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Posted by HH 2/10/2017 8:47 pm | #85 |
Thank you Emmiline. You're right on. He lost me instead of I lost him... your message is so simple yet so impactful. I have to practice saying that instead of I lost him.
It's hard to just give up the technique after doing it for so long and if there's a small chance that it can still work... but then again i do think it's time to release him, he did make a choice and there is nothing else i can do.
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Posted by Aphrodite11 2/11/2017 1:14 am | #87 |
Thanks so much Aphrodite, that makes sense...
even with him thinking of me and having those feelings, his free will made him ignore those feelings and propose to her. It's what you said: "They are with one person but truly want to be with another person yet stay with whoever they are with. It's very common."
what would you do in this situation knowing that he had the free will and moved forward with the current situation and current relationship? he clearly chose her. and I think he knows better than to just propose, since we were already engaged and he went through this process... i can't imagine him not thinking this through wholeheartedly...
I wouldn't say he is ignoring those feelings. He is trying to ignore and get rid of them and he took the wrong step in that procedure. He is unable to ignore, hence the actions. His focus is on you and he is perhaps wanting to avoid that.
Yes it is often the situation that humans want one thing but for many reasons stay with the unwanted things or with things they do not intensely feel for. This is applicable to the people around them, their jobs, even their vehicles and what not. You can witness it happening all the time.
I doubt he knows better than just to propose. Having one person in mind all the time and yet taking such a big step to avoid those feelings and gain the feeling for another person, how is this wise? This is immature. Not because he is a bad person but because he lacks the right emotional tools to make a proper decision in such a situation as this situation is very complicated.
If he thinks about you all the time and still stays with her then it is unfair to her. The wise thing to do should be to inform her what he feels and stay with himself for a while instead of continuing to be with her. But this is difficult for some people. It might offend her and he is perhaps afraid of doing that.
It could also be the case that he is shocked that he is still thinking of you, wanting you. I think it might be shocking for him to realise "how can "I" go through this (by this I mean this conflicting situation of wanting someone)? How can "I" be with someone and have feelings for someone else." I think he didn't expect this from himself. But he is trying to convince himself that it is nothing or he is just thinking that he is thinking of you or it is just a temporary phase or maybe it is happening because he isn't close enough to her. He was engaged to you and he perhaps thinks doing the same with her might take his mind off of you or will erase this phase, that he will achieve the bond with her. He isn't "choosing" her because he wants her. He is doing this because he is already with her and now to think of you all the time is unfair to her as it's a form of emotional cheating and then to leave her would be hurtful to her and it is difficult to leave someone because you know it offends them. I am not saying he is a cheater. I am saying that he doesn't want to be one. He is baffled that his heart is else where and he knows it's a type of betrayal but he is denying it to himself. He is lying to himself because he doesn't want to admit that this is happening that too by his hands. He is just betraying himself and lying to himself. He is trying to actually avoid that extremely difficult situation where he might have to leave her by realising that he still loves you. People don't want to be in that situation as it leads to horrible drama. Plus he might be afraid of being the "bad guy". (I am actually not able to explain this properly but I know what I am saying)
1.5 years after the break up he gets engaged. That is .... fast in my opinion. Because people need time to lose feelings for previous person. Initially they might think they have lost it but then they realise they haven't. This is why I don't appreciate jumping in new relationships quickly because then it is unfair to the new partner. Having them in the arms but mentally loving someone else. This devalues them. You think he "chose" her. Think about it. Would you appreciate it if somebody took such major steps with you but was mentally with someone else? How would you feel? You might think what is the point in this engagement if he is mentally wanting someone else? You will think he values someone else more than you. That looks a lot worse than your situation. Not that your situation is a walk in the park but how horrible it must be to be with someone who has feelings for someone else. What an insult if that person has feelings for someone else and still engages with you?
He values her. He thinks of her. How? If he thought of her well being would he be with her? He would actually back off. He is thinking of avoiding the obvious. He is thinking of "himself" because he didn't expect this from himself.
And emmiline is right.See everything is actually about YOU. How do you view YOURSELF? Do you view yourself as someone who loses things and loses people? Or someone who is too precious? So precious that if someone leaves you they are losing a gem.
Now I don't think we lose anything. There is always something we gain in every situation. You didn't lose him.
And by the way my belief is that when somebody leaves us it's because we lost ourselves. We don't lose anyone, we lose ourselves. If we don't have ourselves how will we have anyone and how will anyone have us. He didn't see "you" in yourself anymore. It's not his job to keep that "you". It's your job. What was the point of being with you if he didn't see "you" anymore. He fell for "you" and you lost her. You didn't lose him. You lost her. Never lose yourself for any reason on the planet.
RISE
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Posted by Aphrodite11 2/11/2017 1:26 am | #88 |
I agree with emmiline and golden. You can take a break as you might feel the need to recover from this shock. It still works when you stop. If you don't want the break it is still fine but no matter what, you try and heal yourself. YOU matter to you.
You have to be heal. Not to have him back but to keep that one person that matters the most in your life and that is YOU. If YOU aren't in good condition you won't be able to have good in life.
Now honey, ignore the reality. As I am learning so much somebody very wonderful told me few days ago "It's your reality". And ANYTHING can happen in your reality. You have the right to "imagine" ANYTHING you want. Nobody opposes that because it is in your head and you are allowed to imagine whatever you want. So give up the worry honey. Now use your mental power. It's unlimited you gifted creature !!!!! Anything you want is possible in it. ANYTHING you think is possible in your head. And do you know what happens after that? YOUR THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS.
RISE
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Posted by Aphrodite11 2/11/2017 1:27 am | #89 |
Are you noticing something HH? The more he is with her the more he is thinking of you. See, she is just a means for him to realise how precious you are, how much he wants you and how much he loves you.
Last edited by Aphrodite11 (2/11/2017 2:09 am)
RISE
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Posted by Golden 2/11/2017 3:05 am | #90 |
I also had an ex that would use women as rebounds. Instead of dealing with his emotions he'd latch on to whoever he could because he didn't want to be alone. Aphrodite may be onto something here. He could possibly be using this person because again, he doesn't want to be alone, and/or your pw/bwd's are hitting him a little too hard.😅 And so he's resisting.
Of course , I don't know your guy personally... & you've mentioned it's a pretty big deal for him to propose..
But I still think this is all a way for him to get your attention.
And the optimist in me sees you carrying on with the technique, loving yourself, ignoring all of this fiancé talk and knowing that mom only called because
either she 'knows who's best for her son 😊' or...he most likely wanted her to call to get a reaction from you.
But... the empath in me feels for you and knows that you probably don't want to hear all these positive declarations right now ! & that you probably just need time to decide what's next. (The reason I mentioned you might need a break)
Again, I'm really sorry about all of this.💛
✨💛✨
