Posted by BettyBlue  4/04/2017 9:53 am | #11 |
Ratpack wrote:
Well to update, he sent me a pic of a couple kissing, titled "morning, beautiful", and has been initiating contact. We talked on internet for a couple of hours too. He messaged me to admire a painting I had made and this afternoon he has been teaching me words from his language (his parents are from another country), recording the pronunciation, and then we had a nice talk about cultural stuff. He said he wil teach me more of the language gradually, over time. He mentioned something we had fought about during our romance together - something he remembered I had said during a fight. But then he added - "but now since we are only friends that wouldn't happen ever again". I kept cool and said "Yeah".
Although I kept cool I was secretly a bit taken aback when he said that.
Why would he send me all this romantic stuff and then be insisting on the friendship only thing?He could be feeling you out. Trying to keep his guard up to keep from getting hurt.
Yes it could definitely be that. And looking back I feel that when he reminded me about the "just friends" thing, he was also trying to get a reaction out of me.
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Posted by BettyBlue 4/04/2017 10:22 am | #13 |
He's an attention lover! My guy needs CONSTANT attention and reassurance. The best thing you can do is just let him know you do care about him, but don't feed into his neediness. Try positive reinforcement. Reward him for good behavior, and don't acknowledge his bad behavior (i.e. Being volatile and extra needy)
But it is working! He's overwhelmed and confused and probably suffering from low self esteem! Send him healing positive thoughts. Envision him as being a strong confident man. No woman wants a man who is insecure and unstable!
Yes the more he does this the more I feel he wants me to tell him how much he means to me. He seems to be after that, but then if I do say something he acts like he doesn't really believe it and he implies that my other friends (men, basically) matter more to me than he does. Kind of wanting me to get down on my knees to him and swear undying love.
Yes I'll imagine him as strong and confident. His insecurity is wearing me down a bit.
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Posted by BettyBlue 4/04/2017 10:34 am | #14 |
Hmmmm so last night he messaged me saying that he knew I was busy while we were chatting and that obviously I had better things to do with my time than chat to him. He said I don't have to reply to him ever again.
This morning he sent me a youtube tutorial so that I can learn his language. He said I can learn that first, then let him know when I need the second part and he will send it to me. He said "best of luck with it". WTF...
I messaged him telling him he'd got it all wrong about me being busy. I told him I value him a lot and that I always really enjoyed connecting with him. Said I didn't understand why he was so upset or what I had done wrong. Blah blah blah. He ignored it. Normally whenever I answer his messages he comes to talk. He stayed away.
He wanted me to grovel in order to ease his insecurity, I think. Clearly I am on his mind a lot. But he needs to grow up and I've had enough of his BS. Sorry guys. Thank you all for helping me but I've just about had it with him now.
Last edited by BettyBlue (4/04/2017 10:40 am)
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Posted by Ratpack 4/04/2017 11:00 am | #15 |
Hmmmm so last night he messaged me saying that he knew I was busy while we were chatting and that obviously I had better things to do with my time than chat to him. He said I don't have to reply to him ever again.
This morning he sent me a youtube tutorial so that I can learn his language. He said I can learn that first, then let him know when I need the second part and he will send it to me. He said "best of luck with it". WTF...
I messaged him telling him he'd got it all wrong about me being busy. I told him I value him a lot and that I always really enjoyed connecting with him. Said I didn't understand why he was so upset or what I had done wrong. Blah blah blah. He ignored it. Normally whenever I answer his messages he comes to talk. He stayed away.
He wanted me to grovel in order to ease his insecurity, I think. Clearly I am on his mind a lot. But he needs to grow up and I've had enough of his BS. Sorry guys. Thank you all for helping me but I've just about had it with him now.
I would keep it short and sweet. When he says you're too busy, tell him you're not. When he says that you don't have to talk to him, just tell him of course you'll talk to him again. You don't need to put yourself totally out there in order to reassure him. You don't need to chase. I wouldn't send him more than a sentence or two to encourage him, though. You don't need him picking it apart and over analyzing it. Short and sweet and to the point. Putting his fears to rest and stroking his ego are two different things. Don't entertain the negativity.
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Posted by Sushi 4/04/2017 11:16 am | #16 |
Hmmmm so last night he messaged me saying that he knew I was busy while we were chatting and that obviously I had better things to do with my time than chat to him. He said I don't have to reply to him ever again.
This morning he sent me a youtube tutorial so that I can learn his language. He said I can learn that first, then let him know when I need the second part and he will send it to me. He said "best of luck with it". WTF...
I messaged him telling him he'd got it all wrong about me being busy. I told him I value him a lot and that I always really enjoyed connecting with him. Said I didn't understand why he was so upset or what I had done wrong. Blah blah blah. He ignored it. Normally whenever I answer his messages he comes to talk. He stayed away.
He wanted me to grovel in order to ease his insecurity, I think. Clearly I am on his mind a lot. But he needs to grow up and I've had enough of his BS. Sorry guys. Thank you all for helping me but I've just about had it with him now.
I would keep it short and sweet. When he says you're too busy, tell him you're not. When he says that you don't have to talk to him, just tell him of course you'll talk to him again. You don't need to put yourself totally out there in order to reassure him. You don't need to chase. I wouldn't send him more than a sentence or two to encourage him, though. You don't need him picking it apart and over analyzing it. Short and sweet and to the point. Putting his fears to rest and stroking his ego are two different things. Don't entertain the negativity.
I have to remember this myself. The one I am dealing with has such a fragile ego.
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Posted by LOAqueen 4/04/2017 7:58 pm | #17 |
He's an attention lover! My guy needs CONSTANT attention and reassurance. The best thing you can do is just let him know you do care about him, but don't feed into his neediness. Try positive reinforcement. Reward him for good behavior, and don't acknowledge his bad behavior (i.e. Being volatile and extra needy)
But it is working! He's overwhelmed and confused and probably suffering from low self esteem! Send him healing positive thoughts. Envision him as being a strong confident man. No woman wants a man who is insecure and unstable!Yes the more he does this the more I feel he wants me to tell him how much he means to me. He seems to be after that, but then if I do say something he acts like he doesn't really believe it and he implies that my other friends (men, basically) matter more to me than he does. Kind of wanting me to get down on my knees to him and swear undying love.
Yes I'll imagine him as strong and confident. His insecurity is wearing me down a bit.
Oh girl! He is totally enjoying this. He is suffering from major low self esteem, but he could also be a touch narcissistic. He loves to guilt trip you, he needs constant attention in order to feel validation. I've dealt with this kind of guy before. They get off on people trying to convince them that they care. He knows you do. He just enjoys making you say it over and over again. It's a control thing. My best advice to you is to ignore it and don't feed into it. The best response? "I'm sorry you feel that way". that way, you're not playing into what he wants, and you are making it clear that HE is the only one that feels that way. Don't give into his games, and eventually he will drop it and do one of two things-grow up, cut it out, and start acting like a mature man, or he will get bored and move on. If he gets bored and moves on-it will be to someone else who will constantly feed his ego-and that means that he is far too damaged to have a healthy relationship right now. So let him go. If you act strong and confident, he will mirror your behavior (if he's worth keeping around). Don't play into it-he will respect you more and realize that childish games won't work on you! I know it's hard-but think positively, view yourself as a tall, strong, confident, regal woman who deserves the best, and envision him the same way. Good luck!
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Posted by BettyBlue 4/05/2017 10:17 am | #18 |
He's an attention lover! My guy needs CONSTANT attention and reassurance. The best thing you can do is just let him know you do care about him, but don't feed into his neediness. Try positive reinforcement. Reward him for good behavior, and don't acknowledge his bad behavior (i.e. Being volatile and extra needy)
But it is working! He's overwhelmed and confused and probably suffering from low self esteem! Send him healing positive thoughts. Envision him as being a strong confident man. No woman wants a man who is insecure and unstable!Yes the more he does this the more I feel he wants me to tell him how much he means to me. He seems to be after that, but then if I do say something he acts like he doesn't really believe it and he implies that my other friends (men, basically) matter more to me than he does. Kind of wanting me to get down on my knees to him and swear undying love.
Yes I'll imagine him as strong and confident. His insecurity is wearing me down a bit.Oh girl! He is totally enjoying this. He is suffering from major low self esteem, but he could also be a touch narcissistic. He loves to guilt trip you, he needs constant attention in order to feel validation. I've dealt with this kind of guy before. They get off on people trying to convince them that they care. He knows you do. He just enjoys making you say it over and over again. It's a control thing. My best advice to you is to ignore it and don't feed into it. The best response? "I'm sorry you feel that way". that way, you're not playing into what he wants, and you are making it clear that HE is the only one that feels that way. Don't give into his games, and eventually he will drop it and do one of two things-grow up, cut it out, and start acting like a mature man, or he will get bored and move on. If he gets bored and moves on-it will be to someone else who will constantly feed his ego-and that means that he is far too damaged to have a healthy relationship right now. So let him go. If you act strong and confident, he will mirror your behavior (if he's worth keeping around). Don't play into it-he will respect you more and realize that childish games won't work on you! I know it's hard-but think positively, view yourself as a tall, strong, confident, regal woman who deserves the best, and envision him the same way. Good luck!
Awww thank you!
This morning I got a message from him saying I treat him like toilet paper. He said I prefer talking to other people and that I only pay him any attention when I'm bored and have noone else to talk to. He showed me capture shots that showed me online on my facebook later in the evening, and he said he knows I chat to other people. Well I mean....so what if I do? He was the one that said he wants only friendship. So why is he in such a state about me being online late in the evening?
Anyway, he has unfriended me for the second time in less than a week. The first time he did it, I messaged and asked him to come back, which he did. This time I'm leaving it.
Last edited by BettyBlue (4/05/2017 10:22 am)
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Posted by BettyBlue 4/05/2017 10:28 am | #19 |
Hmmmm so last night he messaged me saying that he knew I was busy while we were chatting and that obviously I had better things to do with my time than chat to him. He said I don't have to reply to him ever again.
This morning he sent me a youtube tutorial so that I can learn his language. He said I can learn that first, then let him know when I need the second part and he will send it to me. He said "best of luck with it". WTF...
I messaged him telling him he'd got it all wrong about me being busy. I told him I value him a lot and that I always really enjoyed connecting with him. Said I didn't understand why he was so upset or what I had done wrong. Blah blah blah. He ignored it. Normally whenever I answer his messages he comes to talk. He stayed away.
He wanted me to grovel in order to ease his insecurity, I think. Clearly I am on his mind a lot. But he needs to grow up and I've had enough of his BS. Sorry guys. Thank you all for helping me but I've just about had it with him now.
I would keep it short and sweet. When he says you're too busy, tell him you're not. When he says that you don't have to talk to him, just tell him of course you'll talk to him again. You don't need to put yourself totally out there in order to reassure him. You don't need to chase. I wouldn't send him more than a sentence or two to encourage him, though. You don't need him picking it apart and over analyzing it. Short and sweet and to the point. Putting his fears to rest and stroking his ego are two different things. Don't entertain the negativity.
Thank you, I'll keep this in mind. All of you have been so great for making me feel strong. 
He has unfriended me on facebook now. Didn't block me, though, lol. So let's see what happens...
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Posted by LOAqueen 4/05/2017 10:33 am | #20 |
Yes the more he does this the more I feel he wants me to tell him how much he means to me. He seems to be after that, but then if I do say something he acts like he doesn't really believe it and he implies that my other friends (men, basically) matter more to me than he does. Kind of wanting me to get down on my knees to him and swear undying love.
Yes I'll imagine him as strong and confident. His insecurity is wearing me down a bit.Oh girl! He is totally enjoying this. He is suffering from major low self esteem, but he could also be a touch narcissistic. He loves to guilt trip you, he needs constant attention in order to feel validation. I've dealt with this kind of guy before. They get off on people trying to convince them that they care. He knows you do. He just enjoys making you say it over and over again. It's a control thing. My best advice to you is to ignore it and don't feed into it. The best response? "I'm sorry you feel that way". that way, you're not playing into what he wants, and you are making it clear that HE is the only one that feels that way. Don't give into his games, and eventually he will drop it and do one of two things-grow up, cut it out, and start acting like a mature man, or he will get bored and move on. If he gets bored and moves on-it will be to someone else who will constantly feed his ego-and that means that he is far too damaged to have a healthy relationship right now. So let him go. If you act strong and confident, he will mirror your behavior (if he's worth keeping around). Don't play into it-he will respect you more and realize that childish games won't work on you! I know it's hard-but think positively, view yourself as a tall, strong, confident, regal woman who deserves the best, and envision him the same way. Good luck!
Awww thank you!
This morning I got a message from him saying I treat him like toilet paper. He said I prefer talking to other people and that I only pay him any attention when I'm bored and have noone else to talk to. He showed me capture shots that showed me online on my facebook later in the evening, and he said he knows I chat to other people. Well I mean....so what if I do? He was the one that said he wants only friendship. So why is he in such a state about me being online late in the evening?
Anyway, he has unfriended me for the second time in less than a week. The first time he did it, I messaged and asked him to come back, which he did. This time I'm leaving it.
And when he requests you again...which he will when you don't go begging...let him wait it out. Don't accept him right away. Honestly it sounds unhealthy and toxic and like he is very controlling...the screenshot and assumption that you are talking to other people and not him is a red flag!
