Posted by Ron0630  1/12/2018 2:01 pm | #1 |
Y’all may not approve of my situation. I am trying to steal a man. Without going into too much detail, he is with another woman, I am with another man (okay we are both married) lol. He and I had an emotional affair last year and he was ready to leave his wife for me. Told me he’d give up everything, his house, truck, camper, shared income, dogs, family and in-laws for me. He wanted me to choose him. It took awhile for me to let my guard down, but when I did and let myself completely fall for him, it’s like he had a reality check and realized all he would be losing. We also got caught by my husband but this man still wants to continue the relationship, but as me as his chick on the side, but he wants me to leave my husband for him and be totally committed to him, but will not leave his wife. He wants his cake and to eat it too. My husband is still hanging on to me but I think it’s more for financial reasons. He is very hateful towards me and I struggle to end the marriage.
Thing is, I don’t want to be the mistress. I want him to go back to wanting to give up everything for me like he was will to before. We are so highly connected, I know he is not over me. He and his wife are connected for the purpose of their child and for financial reasons. It’s a business relationship, and he is very stuck on his things. She makes good money and I really don’t and I know he sees being with me as taking a hit financially. I know I’d make s great step mom, I can be successful and can give him what he needs. I know I want to get him back to that state. It’s like he pushed me to love him completely, came in, ruined my marriage and career, then changed his mind. Then he wants me to leave my marriage, be his full time mistress (says it’ll be like we are married minus the fact he won’t leave her). I know he sounds like a selfish jerk. Lol. I want him to realize he can’t live without me and will give up everything. Way back when, he was devising a “plan” for us to be together. I want him to go back to that mental state.
My question is, how can I manifest this? Currently, we are in no contact mode. He doesn’t want to talk to me until I leave my husband. It’s kind of his way of pushing me to do it. I do love my husband but he is emotionally abusive to me. Which is technically why I fell for the other guy. He built me up rather than tore me down. I still struggle to leave my husband. And I really am not sure I want to leave unless this guy is back in my life. Although, I may not have a choice in the end as my husband is pretty done with me and reminds me regularly of just what a piece of shit I am.
Last edited by Ron0630 (1/12/2018 2:35 pm)
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Posted by Ron0630 1/12/2018 3:19 pm | #2 |
I also know my vibration is pretty low. My marriage is in shambles. Lost the job that was making me happy when I met the guy. The guy isn’t around. My husband is on a mission to make sure I am at a consistant low and I feel like I deserve it.
His wife does not know about the emotional affair, as my husband promised to not say anything. So this guy’s wife is in the dark.
Last edited by Ron0630 (1/12/2018 4:18 pm)
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Posted by Piper 1/12/2018 5:59 pm | #3 |
The first thing you should probably do is figure who/what you want. What makes you happy? Not WHO makes you happy, because we should be doing that on our own and not rely on another to do that for us.
If you want to work it out with your husband, you can change how he feels about you, but you have to do the work (techniques) and believe in them. If you don't want to continue your life with him, leave him and move on with your life. Don't stay with him just because the other guy is not willing to leave his marriage.
If you want the other guy, then do the same as above. BUT, since he's already married, you should probably set down some ground rules - he has to fully leave his wife before a full relationship takes place between you. In the meanwhile, see other people and get yourself happy.
This is just what I would advise, but perhaps some other members would be willing to give their 2 cents.
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Posted by Moonbeam2018 1/12/2018 6:08 pm | #4 |
Hello love,
I am fairly new to this too. Are you doing anything to help raise your vibration? I know it can be hard when there is someone trying to tear you down. It sounds like your husband wants to keep you at a low point in order to hang onto you and it sounds like you feel you "deserve it". I would imagine that as you raise your vibration he will not have the hold on you that he seems to have now. Also, practising loa on him and trying to talk to him that way might help. I am specifically thinking the whispering technique. Maybe it will help soften things a bit in your interactions as you figure things out? There was a reason you fell in love with him initially and perhaps seeing and feeling, and holding space for those parts of him and yourself, in the meditations might help regardless of where things are now.
I am not here to judge you in regards to the other man. I do not think we ever deserve to be torn down though. You do not deserve that regardless of what decisions you made. We are all are worthy of love and it sounds like you were not getting what you needed from your relationship. I feel we typically make the best decisions we can in any given moment based on the information we have. Sometimes our heart is louder then our mind and the "shoulds" and what we are taught life should look like. I am not advocating cheating. I am just saying this is deeper then surface labeling of "good" or "bad" and my heart goes out to you because this doesn't sound easy.
I would continue to try to connect with your love using the meditations but for some reason the interaction with your husband stood out more to me. I wonder if you somewhat distance yourself from both of them and try to focus on self-love right now if it might make all of these decisions, and interactions, clearer and smoother?
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Posted by Ron0630 1/12/2018 6:31 pm | #5 |
Thank you both for the advice. If I could choose, it would be with the other man. I have never had a connection with anyone like I had with him. I could be completely me, without having to worry about everything I say and do, which is how things are with my husband. I do struggle to leave my husband, though. It could be a fear thing. I also am pretty sure he has been gaslighting me. So crazy making/ manipulation, which also keeps me under his thumb.
I want this other guy to decide I am the one for him. He’s been there before. I just want to get him back there. He’s in an unhappy marriage too, but I guarantee it’s the money, the house, the truck, the camper that keeps him there. There is financial security in his marriage.He has been married before and his wife took everything in the divorce. What would you focus on to release these fears and get him back to that mental state?
Last edited by Ron0630 (1/12/2018 6:32 pm)
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Posted by Piper 1/12/2018 6:44 pm | #6 |
To be honest, since you don't want to be with your husband, I would start to slowly work on leaving him, then. I would recommend you read some Neville Goddard and you can work Lanie's techniques at the same time. You could, ideally, focus on a few different things, but maybe getting out of your marriage first. You can get him to agree to a divorce, and it doesn't have to be an uncivil one. THAT would be MY first step, but you should do what you think is best.
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Posted by Lanie Stevens 1/14/2018 10:35 pm | #7 |
If you love your husband I hope you will begin using the technique on him because I have seen it absolutely change marriages from distant, unaffectionate and almost divorced, to better than when they first got married.
I have to say that from your post it sounds like the two men have something in common....they are both abusive in their own ways. I don't know how your husband is emotionally abusive but the married man is controlling you and basically making you ruin your life WITHOUT making any changes in his. In fact, he wants to keep you on the side while he lives a married life with his wife. That's pretty abusive, not to mention selfish and narcissistic.
The honeymoon stage of ALL relationships go pretty well and causes emotional attachments to form otherwise you wouldn't fall in love. It's after the first few months that you begin to see the flaws in the character of the person. Because you were both married you may not have spent that much time together so the honeymoon stage of the infatuation may have lasted longer but the man who is married didn't "put up or shut up". Instead he reneged on the agreement you both made and expects you to follow through with a promise to be his "wife" on the side.
My advice would be to RUN from the married guy! If you don't love your husband then be true to yourself and leave. Financial security is always fluctuating and you can't count on it and it certainly isn't a reason to stay married. You don't want to wake up 10-20 years down the road and realize you have nothing but a few dollars in the bank and you've lived a life with someone you didn't want to be with.
It is better to be alone than to FEEL alone in a relationship or a marriage. Whatever you decide sweetheart this is just my advice and I will be here to support your decision. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Posted by Ron0630 1/15/2018 12:57 am | #9 |
They are both narcissistic and controlling. I’d say the married guy is less, though.
My husband is the type where I have found a list of destruction, that outlined gaslighting me, creating an addictive love with intent to steal my personal inheritance and eventually ruin my life.
The other guy, we cared very much for each other, but it never got physical. The child is the reason we never ended up together and I would never settle for being his mistress. He’d have to leave.
Last edited by Ron0630 (1/15/2018 1:07 am)
