Lanie Stevens, Author -- "Empowering Women Forum" - http://laniestevensauthor.com

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11/05/2017 2:11 pm  #1


It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Hi ladies, 

I posted here when the guy I was with left me for the second time.  As a bit of a backstory we met and it was "magical". He didn't want a committed relationship but met someone else and started up something with her.  I was devastated.  During that time, I went a bit crazy on trying all of these techniques, looking back I was waaaay too attached.  Somehow he did come back, but again looking back, I was attached but didn't do anything wrong I just wanted a relationship.  He left me again for someone else (as I type this I realise how awful he was!), and it took me a long time to get over. I felt like a loser ,a failure and just completely unattractive.  We hadn't had any contact for 10  months....until two days ago. 

For 9 of these 10 months I couldn't get him out of my head, and it affected everything especially my self esteem.  Last month out of sheer desperation I gave up.  I sat in meditation and EFT came to me.  So, I opened YouTube and did some tapping along to Brad Yates.  I've tried it before but never consistently.  I made a decision there and then that I was going to focus on myself.  I was going to be the best me I could be.  I was going to get clear about what I wanted and I was going to manifest them.  I realised  I didn't want THAT relationship anymore or a person who didn't respect me. However, to have the relationship of my dreams and the respect that went with  it, I had to release the blocks I had to both.   I didn't respect myself otherwise I wouldn't be obsessed with someone who treated me so badly.  Somewhere along the line ,I didn't think I deserved the relationship I wanted so I would have settled for him anyway he wanted to be there  (I cringe at this now).  Law of Attraction is a very fair friend, I asked and it was given.  Lol! 

So I tapped everyday for a month, I felt clearer and happier (I love tapping now!) Daily I listed of all the things I was grateful for and the good things in my life.  I woke up an hour earlier each day and spent that time in bed just being still with myself.   During that month so many good things happened.  My relationships changed, new people came in (including new boys - I used to tell myself no one could compare, I can't believe I was happy with that but deep down I didn't believe anyone would want me) , I attracted fun situations but most importantly I felt free of the longing and desperation and the freedom was exhilirating!  I found me again and I loved her so much. 

Anyway (the bit you are waiting for lol!)  two days ago I was away with a friend.  I casually looked at my phone and there was a message from him.  Let me clear, in these 10 months I was blocked on everything, he had a new girlfriend, he ignored every text I sent (so embarassed now in hindsight - because when he unblocked me he would have received them all in one go lol! ).  When I got the message I was desperate for just two months ago I was indifferent. Why?  Because I have changed.  The text was just a "hi how are you" but I was so pathetic then, just a "How are you" would have made me so happy and grateful.     I'm not going back to that. If he wants me then he will either make the effort or there is someone way better.  I hadn't done PW or BWD in months and whilst I believe they work, I couldn't magnetise what I wanted because I was blocking it. Doing it made me depressed and kept me attached as I was doing it out of sheer desperation .  Working on myself allowed this to happen, and the fact I don't feel excited or wondering what will happen next is because the attachment is gone.  I still love him but I love me SO SO much more.  I deserve the best and only the best! 

Part of me wonders what the results would be if I did BWD on him now just as an experiment.  I don't have the same attachment and need,  but I did it for so long before I must have built up a a lot in the cosmic bank  

Good luck with your journeys, but remember this all starts with you and only you.

J x

Last edited by Jag123 (11/05/2017 2:13 pm)

11/05/2017 5:00 pm  #2


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

10 months that was a really long wait! 


"I am not throwing away my shot!" - Lin Manuel Miranda

11/05/2017 5:24 pm  #3


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Ha ha!  I think you've missed the point.  When I truly  let go, it took me a month to  manifest a text.  For 9 months of the 10,I was in a state of desperation, I didn't have any self respect and I put all of my energy into "trying to get him back".  All the while he was with someone else and I was blocked.  Like a fool  I still  wanted him back.  When I took back my power, energy and focused on myself the situation changed in a month.

10 months is a long wait and I will never ever do that for another person and to myself ever again! I have no doubt he will try and get back into my life again because I no longer care whether a relationship comes from him or someone better.  If it is him, it will never be the version of him I once knew. 

Does that make sense?
xx

     Thread Starter

11/08/2017 10:21 am  #4


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

What an awesome life lesson!!  I can't stress how important it is to be secure and confident with yourself before manifesting the relationship you desire.  It's like trying to build a house on sand.  You may succeed for a time, but sooner or later it will all come crashing down.  Work on a strong foundation of self love, confidence and security first.  Everything else will fall into place. 

11/09/2017 9:56 pm  #5


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Jag123 wrote:

Ha ha!  I think you've missed the point.  When I truly  let go, it took me a month to  manifest a text.  For 9 months of the 10,I was in a state of desperation, I didn't have any self respect and I put all of my energy into "trying to get him back".  All the while he was with someone else and I was blocked.  Like a fool  I still  wanted him back.  When I took back my power, energy and focused on myself the situation changed in a month.

10 months is a long wait and I will never ever do that for another person and to myself ever again! I have no doubt he will try and get back into my life again because I no longer care whether a relationship comes from him or someone better.  If it is him, it will never be the version of him I once knew. 

Does that make sense?
xx

I love the fact that you realized that the first nine months you were blocking the manifestation because you obsessed over it. Once you focused on yourself and let go of fear of failure he came back! Good job! :-)

11/10/2017 1:44 am  #6


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

AnnanWater wrote:

10 months that was a really long wait! 

Try 3 years and counting. Still blocked on everything... and ignored.

11/10/2017 6:56 am  #7


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Jag123 wrote:

Hi ladies, 

I posted here when the guy I was with left me for the second time.  As a bit of a backstory we met and it was "magical". He didn't want a committed relationship but met someone else and started up something with her.  I was devastated.  During that time, I went a bit crazy on trying all of these techniques, looking back I was waaaay too attached.  Somehow he did come back, but again looking back, I was attached but didn't do anything wrong I just wanted a relationship.  He left me again for someone else (as I type this I realise how awful he was!), and it took me a long time to get over. I felt like a loser ,a failure and just completely unattractive.  We hadn't had any contact for 10  months....until two days ago. 

For 9 of these 10 months I couldn't get him out of my head, and it affected everything especially my self esteem.  Last month out of sheer desperation I gave up.  I sat in meditation and EFT came to me.  So, I opened YouTube and did some tapping along to Brad Yates.  I've tried it before but never consistently.  I made a decision there and then that I was going to focus on myself.  I was going to be the best me I could be.  I was going to get clear about what I wanted and I was going to manifest them.  I realised  I didn't want THAT relationship anymore or a person who didn't respect me. However, to have the relationship of my dreams and the respect that went with  it, I had to release the blocks I had to both.   I didn't respect myself otherwise I wouldn't be obsessed with someone who treated me so badly.  Somewhere along the line ,I didn't think I deserved the relationship I wanted so I would have settled for him anyway he wanted to be there  (I cringe at this now).  Law of Attraction is a very fair friend, I asked and it was given.  Lol! 

So I tapped everyday for a month, I felt clearer and happier (I love tapping now!) Daily I listed of all the things I was grateful for and the good things in my life.  I woke up an hour earlier each day and spent that time in bed just being still with myself.   During that month so many good things happened.  My relationships changed, new people came in (including new boys - I used to tell myself no one could compare, I can't believe I was happy with that but deep down I didn't believe anyone would want me) , I attracted fun situations but most importantly I felt free of the longing and desperation and the freedom was exhilirating!  I found me again and I loved her so much. 

Anyway (the bit you are waiting for lol!)  two days ago I was away with a friend.  I casually looked at my phone and there was a message from him.  Let me clear, in these 10 months I was blocked on everything, he had a new girlfriend, he ignored every text I sent (so embarassed now in hindsight - because when he unblocked me he would have received them all in one go lol! ).  When I got the message I was desperate for just two months ago I was indifferent. Why?  Because I have changed.  The text was just a "hi how are you" but I was so pathetic then, just a "How are you" would have made me so happy and grateful.     I'm not going back to that. If he wants me then he will either make the effort or there is someone way better.  I hadn't done PW or BWD in months and whilst I believe they work, I couldn't magnetise what I wanted because I was blocking it. Doing it made me depressed and kept me attached as I was doing it out of sheer desperation .  Working on myself allowed this to happen, and the fact I don't feel excited or wondering what will happen next is because the attachment is gone.  I still love him but I love me SO SO much more.  I deserve the best and only the best! 

Part of me wonders what the results would be if I did BWD on him now just as an experiment.  I don't have the same attachment and need,  but I did it for so long before I must have built up a a lot in the cosmic bank  

Good luck with your journeys, but remember this all starts with you and only you.

J x

 
My story is almost exactly the same as yours. It is as if you took the words from my mouth. It is going to be 10 months of NC in my case too. I am not desperate anymore but just struggle with forgiving him and myself. Thank you for your post, I got some perspective from this

11/11/2017 6:00 am  #8


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

ljt wrote:

What an awesome life lesson!!  I can't stress how important it is to be secure and confident with yourself before manifesting the relationship you desire.  It's like trying to build a house on sand.  You may succeed for a time, but sooner or later it will all come crashing down.  Work on a strong foundation of self love, confidence and security first.  Everything else will fall into place. 

Hi ljt

You are so right, it really was and by recognising it as that my whole life has changed for the better.  I used to read these kinds of posts and think " how can you just stop thinking about him, I wish I could let go but can't" What I didn't see or couldn't see then was that my absolute focus on him meant the momentum was so strong I couldn't let go.  I had sacrificed my own well being to focus (mainly) solely on another person, so of course he was all I could think about and my own failures in relation to not being able to get him back. 

When I seperated the person (him) from the situation (the fact I wanted someone I couldn't have) I was able to take a look at myself and realise just how badly I had been treating myself. I deserved to have the best, to be loved to feel beautiful and wanted - I was just looking for all of that from someone else.   I was  expecting him  to show me all of those things  and felt like a failure because he didn't and not only that he showed them to someone else.  The key in all of this was he couldn't show me all of that even if he was Prince Charming himself because  I didn't believe any of it! 

That was the hard lesson, and because I had spent so long on him I felt at a loss.  I actually didn't know how to love myself. Maybe subconsiously,I was using him as an excuse not to.   However, when my focus became being the best, life has started to show me the best.  It hasn't been easy and I am uncovering all kinds of holes as my standards are being raised. I can go from feeling so happy that I am in forward motion in my life to shame about ways I have been and things I have done.  I can also then move to fear that I don't actually deserve the good things to worrying it's too late and nothing will actually happen the way I visualise.  Is the Law of Attraction actually real, I think some days. lol! .  Here, I have to show as much conviction and faith as I had in him to myself.  I would never had wavered in my devotion to him, I would have excused every bad behaviour and been patient.  I just do this with myself by tapping, visualising, meditating. listening Youtube vids, crying, sitting with the pain or going out with friends.  I care for myself and I give myself the attention I need.  I have no doubt about love coming to me and soon because I am starting to come to terms with how magnificent I actually am  

Last edited by Jag123 (11/11/2017 6:01 am)

     Thread Starter

11/11/2017 6:27 am  #9


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

ThisIsMyUsername wrote:

AnnanWater wrote:

10 months that was a really long wait! 

Try 3 years and counting. Still blocked on everything... and ignored.

HI Thissmyusername.

I am sorry to hear that you have been in your situation for such a long time.  I know how it feels and doing the techniques can have the opposite effect if you feel like you are "waiting".  You are effectively putting your life on hold until someone comes to tell you you are okay and they love you. 

I strongly believe the techniques work and Lanie is a saint for writing them so simply.  However, my own personal experience has shown me that my life reflected how I really felt on the inside (which was that I was inadequate , needed him and was waiting for him to prove otherwise - even if I couldn't fully admit it).  I could have done techniques day and night (and I did) but it couldn't happen until I built a solid foundation as ljt beautifully pointed out.   
It isn't actually about him, it's about you.  You can have him back but only truly when you get yourself back.  This is my truth; however, and everyone has their own path.  The success stories I read that are truly lasting are when women have empowered themselves with enough armour.  When they are on the top of their own personal game,  they choose whether they want them back and if  they want them back. The fact you are blocked or ignored becomes irrelevant because it says far more about where they are in life than what you now choose to invite into your reality as your main focus.  You can love someone and at the same time love yourself the most.  Maintain high standards about how you allow yourself to be treated by others.

This isn't a lecture because I know too well the stuck, gnawing feeling of wanting someone who appears so cruel but you want them so badly anyway.   Emotions hurt and feeling are real, honor your pain and feelings - just face what they are really trying to tell you. That you are ignoring you.  Channel your inner Madonna or GaGa , get yourself to the point of magnificence - or just feeling better - then  do Lanie's marvellous techniques and watch what happens   It should be fun not painful and I am sending you love xxx

     Thread Starter

11/11/2017 6:42 am  #10


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

DJ wrote:

Jag123 wrote:

Hi ladies, 

I posted here when the guy I was with left me for the second time.  As a bit of a backstory we met and it was "magical". He didn't want a committed relationship but met someone else and started up something with her.  I was devastated.  During that time, I went a bit crazy on trying all of these techniques, looking back I was waaaay too attached.  Somehow he did come back, but again looking back, I was attached but didn't do anything wrong I just wanted a relationship.  He left me again for someone else (as I type this I realise how awful he was!), and it took me a long time to get over. I felt like a loser ,a failure and just completely unattractive.  We hadn't had any contact for 10  months....until two days ago. 

For 9 of these 10 months I couldn't get him out of my head, and it affected everything especially my self esteem.  Last month out of sheer desperation I gave up.  I sat in meditation and EFT came to me.  So, I opened YouTube and did some tapping along to Brad Yates.  I've tried it before but never consistently.  I made a decision there and then that I was going to focus on myself.  I was going to be the best me I could be.  I was going to get clear about what I wanted and I was going to manifest them.  I realised  I didn't want THAT relationship anymore or a person who didn't respect me. However, to have the relationship of my dreams and the respect that went with  it, I had to release the blocks I had to both.   I didn't respect myself otherwise I wouldn't be obsessed with someone who treated me so badly.  Somewhere along the line ,I didn't think I deserved the relationship I wanted so I would have settled for him anyway he wanted to be there  (I cringe at this now).  Law of Attraction is a very fair friend, I asked and it was given.  Lol! 

So I tapped everyday for a month, I felt clearer and happier (I love tapping now!) Daily I listed of all the things I was grateful for and the good things in my life.  I woke up an hour earlier each day and spent that time in bed just being still with myself.   During that month so many good things happened.  My relationships changed, new people came in (including new boys - I used to tell myself no one could compare, I can't believe I was happy with that but deep down I didn't believe anyone would want me) , I attracted fun situations but most importantly I felt free of the longing and desperation and the freedom was exhilirating!  I found me again and I loved her so much. 

Anyway (the bit you are waiting for lol!)  two days ago I was away with a friend.  I casually looked at my phone and there was a message from him.  Let me clear, in these 10 months I was blocked on everything, he had a new girlfriend, he ignored every text I sent (so embarassed now in hindsight - because when he unblocked me he would have received them all in one go lol! ).  When I got the message I was desperate for just two months ago I was indifferent. Why?  Because I have changed.  The text was just a "hi how are you" but I was so pathetic then, just a "How are you" would have made me so happy and grateful.     I'm not going back to that. If he wants me then he will either make the effort or there is someone way better.  I hadn't done PW or BWD in months and whilst I believe they work, I couldn't magnetise what I wanted because I was blocking it. Doing it made me depressed and kept me attached as I was doing it out of sheer desperation .  Working on myself allowed this to happen, and the fact I don't feel excited or wondering what will happen next is because the attachment is gone.  I still love him but I love me SO SO much more.  I deserve the best and only the best! 

Part of me wonders what the results would be if I did BWD on him now just as an experiment.  I don't have the same attachment and need,  but I did it for so long before I must have built up a a lot in the cosmic bank  

Good luck with your journeys, but remember this all starts with you and only you.

J x

 
My story is almost exactly the same as yours. It is as if you took the words from my mouth. It is going to be 10 months of NC in my case too. I am not desperate anymore but just struggle with forgiving him and myself. Thank you for your post, I got some perspective from this

I am glad my post resonated with you DJ, you sound like you are on the right path - it's not an easy one.  In fact it is MUCH easier to stay in desperation, because you don't have to look  in the mirror to see the real reason for your pain.  Remember Neville says your world is you pushed out, so by forgiving yourself you forgive him. What helped me with forgiveness was to make peace with what brought me to here, left the past where it belongs (when old emotions and feelings arise I notice them, breathe through them but try not to attach a story to them) and placed my focus on forgiving myself.  In doing so, I took  back my power.  From that point on the techniques will be golden and your whole life will change, mine did.  Good luck lovely xx
 

     Thread Starter

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