Lanie Stevens, Author -- "Empowering Women Forum" - http://laniestevensauthor.com

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12/17/2017 4:12 pm  #31


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

unicornsnrainbows wrote:

I just saw this comment from 'happygirl97' on veronica's forum.  She is saying almost the same thing:

"Well here is my honest truth:
When there was a break up with the specific person I wanted 8 months ago, I started dating for fun.
I had a lot of free time ( it was the time between my a level and the start of my studies at university).
So I actually signed up at a dating app and distracted myself here and there. Nothing sexual, just talking and doing fun adventures with new guys. One of them, was really interesting and very slowly I started to fall for him and that is when I was letting go of the death grip to get my specific person. That was when he wanted me back.
It is not about dating other guys, it is about letting go of desperation and longing and the mental attitude " I ONLY WANT HIM". It is about feeling good about yourself, it is about freeing yourself.
you dont neccessarily have to date other guys you can also do other things that make you feel good.

But its true, I hear from a lot of people who dont believe in LOA, that their ex came back when they have moved on. yes, it happens because there is no desperation and longing anymore. Because when you are in the state of longing and desperation you will get MORE of the situations where you have to miss and long for your specific person, in other words he will stay away until you change your state.
If you are in " I am loved I feel WANTEDf" you are a vibrational match to attracting him back.
Hope that helps http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.gif
"

I hope she doesn't mind that I repost her comment here!

LOVE THIS!  Another beautiful reminder of how it works.  So simple! 

12/17/2017 4:33 pm  #32


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

unicornsnrainbows wrote:

Jag123 wrote:

I believe that all of the above came from letting go, I let go via the tapping vids but I think you can let go anyway you choose as long as your mindset is changed and you get out of the bloody way!  If I had have acted from the place of lonliness I doubt very much I would have gone anywhere last night.  I would have stayed at home alone because that is what I was vibrating.   Additionally , had I have text him from a place of doubt and fear, I do not think a phone call would have happened at all, because I would have been vibrating doubt and fear regardless of what was said in a message.  Me and the boy have arranged to get together after Christmas (I am away for Christmas), which will be a wonderful thing, but I'm not getting excited or overthinking it.  It's the next logical step and I am letting go again.  I have no desire to contact him  today or tell anyone (in my real life lol) about this, like you I'm just waiting to see what comes next  

I must say, now I have spoken to him it's much easier to go back to trust again.  Much harder when there has been no contact, however, keeping the faith is the most important thing.  I am spending my time and energy getting ready for when he is back in my life.  Who do I want to be, and I need to redecorate lol!  I'm getting on with creating the best me instead of bothering the universe with continually asking when.  Trusting and letting go is EVERYTHING! 

J xx

Isn't it great to see how things happen as soon as you make peace with not having something?  I think this is the thing that so many confuse about "letting go".  It doesn't mean you don't desire that thing anymore (company/specific person/material object); it just means that you let go of the angst and desperation for it and find a way to feel good anyway.  ...to know that no matter what, you're okay.  The worse it gets, the worse it gets.  The better it gets, the better it gets.  Sadness begets sadness.  Happiness begets happiness.  And so on.  And the more you ask the universe "when", the  more you'll be asking "when"?  So once again, most excellent job, Jag.

Please keep sharing your journey; it's so interesting to see how these things work out, especially with the details.
 

Exactly how letting go works.  I think there are those on this journey who are scared of letting go because whilst they have someone to blame for feeling bad, it helps contextualise the feelings.  "He did this or he's gone so now I feel bad".  Letting go means taking responsibility for your own feelings, it doesn't feel like it, but it's a choice to feel bad and put someone else in front of you, so that you do.  This is why letting go isn't easy.  You have to face the demons that allow you to put someone on a pedestal whilst leaving yourself feeling like shit.  I used to say "It's because I love him so much" Love  doesn't create that kind of pain, it's a lack of self respect that leads to all kinds of desperate behaviour.  You have to go through a lot of self examination to identify why you feel it is appropriate behaviour, and it's hard to start with.  The thing I have found is letting go is a continual thing as you progress, more comes up to challenge you.  For example my boy has text me tonight.  It's unusual, because recently, I have initiated and it leads to more.  But he has  and I can feel the angst in my stomach around what I had written, even though it was perfectly fine- this is because it's progress, it's new and I need to let go again from this point.  I am thinking about what he thinks rather than detaching myself from any outcome, it's about me all of it. It's all a work in progress...That's why I love this forum, anyone else would think this conversation was bonkers! 

     Thread Starter

12/17/2017 8:25 pm  #33


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Excellent Thread!!! Woohoo!!

12/18/2017 4:11 am  #34


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

unicornsnrainbows wrote:

haha, it's true, we are all a bit bonkers here!  And yes, it is SO much easier to remain on an even-keel and stay detached from the worry and over-thinking when our person is not currently in our life.  I can only imagine the rollercoaster ride of emotion and anticipation I'd suddenly be on if I were to hear from mine.  Easier to imagine and create from a vacuum than from a dose of physical reality smacking you in the face.  So it's important to keep remembering how FAR YOU'VE COME, and that YOU created THIS!  He's texting you.  Real time.  Real world.  It's all happening right n...no...it all happened months ago.  You are just seeing the evidence now as it trickles in on your screen.  So instead of observing and reacting to these tracers, (the projection playing out on your screen), keep creating the film for the next movie you want to see.

Don't you think there is that sweet spot when you are back in contact and still not sure of the intentions. It's frustrating because you want it now, but you have faith  that the relationship could actually be everything you  imagine it could be.   You can do the "work" safe in the knowledge that they are thinking about you..  It is the newness before full contact resumes and expectations arise - we are human after all! When you are back together or heading in that way properly,it is very easy to return back to the old familliar self and patterns - both of you. That's why this part of the  journey is so important in creating a new you energetically, to the point where the old familliar self and patterns don't exist anymore. I am glad it is taking time, this is where I believe we are at our creative best.  Last night showed me I'm not quite there yet, so I'm grateful for that. 

When he text and the gnawing feeling came, I could tell I'd moved ever so slightly from the sweet spot to the old familliar  - my emotions told me.  It's a subtle difference, which is why being aware of our emotions and drivers is so important ,when we are manifesting anything.  It's having the tools to bring it back when we feel ourselves move away from our creative power and into trying to control the outcome. 

As it happens our conversation flowed beautifully and my panic had set in when he hadn't replied to a message because he was cooking (of course I found that out later) Nuts that in that small gap of time, I went there, not for long but I did.  After writing about it to you all, I found something else to occupy my time.  When I picked up my phone again, he'd text.  It's that rollercoaster ride of anticipation that you describe.  It's all a balance isn't it.  Real world, real time is amazing and you're right remembering how far we come is so important. What you have written here sums it up: So instead of observing and reacting to these tracers, (the projection playing out on your screen), keep creating the film for the next movie you want to see.  It's all a balance, and next time my reaction will be completely different

Thanks again for listening!

J x

     Thread Starter

12/18/2017 1:31 pm  #35


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

unicornsnrainbows wrote:

Jag123 wrote:

Don't you think there is that sweet spot when you are back in contact and still not sure of the intentions. It's frustrating because you want it now, but you have faith  that the relationship could actually be everything you  imagine it could be.   You can do the "work" safe in the knowledge that they are thinking about you..  It is the newness before full contact resumes and expectations arise - we are human after all! When you are back together or heading in that way properly,it is very easy to return back to the old familliar self and patterns - both of you. That's why this part of the  journey is so important in creating a new you energetically, to the point where the old familliar self and patterns don't exist anymore. I am glad it is taking time, this is where I believe we are at our creative best.  Last night showed me I'm not quite there yet, so I'm grateful for that. 

Yes, I agree with this.  It makes a lot of sense.  I guess I was thinking of the last time I saw him, which was more than half a year ago, and how much it threw me off when he disappeared again.  I let what was in front of me gobsmack me, instead of staying firm in my creative shoes.  But I still had a lot to learn and process, so I don't regret any of this time gap.  It is almost certain that we would have fallen back into the old, familiar, broken relationship if we had started something up back then, even with all the time that had already gone by.

That's why this part of the  journey is so important in creating a new you energetically, to the point where the old familliar self and patterns don't exist anymore​.  

Yep, that's the balancing act!  And the part that is probably the most rewarding, when you can see the change, the new dynamic that you have created, right before your very eyes!  I'd say this is the most exciting leg of the journey for you. http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/cute.png

 

That's so hard, being left and wondering what the hell just happened! You've handled it beautifully, taken your attention from him and firmly on yourself.  It's wonderful.   I'm so glad that you don't regret any of it happening and are instead clear on who you will be (or getting ready to be) when he re-appears.  Which he will do, without a doubt, your energies are too closely linked.

Usually when they come (because we call them in) they leave again because we can't hold our vibration steady for the relationship we want, as you have said above.  Time is irrelevant, it's what we do in that gap that really counts. What is most exciting,  is that you are actively working on who you want to be, and I love the way you describe your own journey of self discovery.  The result has to be different next time.  You simply can't have the same relationship you had, because you will literally be a different person. You are right it could never have worked before (for you or for me) because the focus was on getting him back and not on an improved version of the relationship and people in it. 

Doesn't it feel powerful to know that we can create such a huge change! It's made me feel quite giddy at the thought! 

We are magnificent creators all of us, even if a little bonkers at times

     Thread Starter

12/18/2017 1:54 pm  #36


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this:

"Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!" 

Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol!

Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again!

Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better. 

I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent! 

J xx

     Thread Starter

12/18/2017 2:26 pm  #37


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

This reminds me of my situation.  I just posted about it.

12/18/2017 3:00 pm  #38


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

This is what I'd do too!!! LOL

Jag123 wrote:

I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this:

"Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!" 

Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol!

Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again!

Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better. 

I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent! 

J xx

 

12/18/2017 3:44 pm  #39


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

Avaelle wrote:

This reminds me of my situation.  I just posted about it.

I have just seen it and patiently awaiting your replies to my questions!!! Massive congrats!!

     Thread Starter

12/18/2017 4:11 pm  #40


Re: It worked.,. but only when I truly let go

dannie wrote:

This is what I'd do too!!! LOL

Jag123 wrote:

I had lunch today with my two friends who have just had a little baby.  Normally, I would feel  feelings of insecurity, jealousy "will it ever happen for me" etc.  Then my mind would wander to him and I would go through a thought loop like this:

"Will I ever get him back?  He is the only one I could ever have seen myself having a family with.  It's never going to happen for me.  I am going to be like this for the rest of my life.  I wonder what he is doing?  I wonder if he's fallen in love with her?  How am I going to get him back?  I want to be in love like they are.  I can't imagine me ever being in this position with him, because he is gone.  Why couldn't he love me, what did I do wrong? Why her and not me.   I am going to try PW tonight and see if I can make it happen.  I might start the love spell again.  How on earth can I get him back!!" 

Literally that would be my thought process - and then repeat until bedtime.   I would be triggered by reality not looking the way I wanted it to, and feel jealous, insecure  or a loser.  I'd  go on a complete tangent of emotions which usually ended with me drinking a bottle of white wine and stalking him online.   When I found any  evidence, which usually wasn't much because I was blocked everywhere,  I'd then cry myself to sleep.   I wouldn't really want to be around certain friends who "had it all" and even though I smiled and made happy inside I was so jealous.  Then wonder why PW wasn't working lol!

Today has been another great success, because I have come away from that lunch feeling confident, secure, happy for my friends and feeling excited about the future - without attachment. Holding the baby was amazing, because I looked at her and thought, this is what I want. Now I actually have a recent experience to help me create it. Watching the love between my two friends was great for exactly the same reason.    That is a manifestation in itself, I really am changing and it feels SO good! The old thinking patterns had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, the poor guy was just lumped in and blamed for it. I literally manifested him away with thoughts like that, and kept him away with exactly them.   I can't imagine thinking that way again!

Today, I think I've had a further epiphany around the importance of getting yourself straight first. It feels so much better!  I'm still wobbling from time to time throughout the day but it's getting better and better. 

I'm starting to treat this thread as a bit of a journal, so thank you  again for letting me vent! 

J xx

 

Haven't we all been there!  It's tough when you don't know how to stop it, it feels like a never ending cycle of pain.  What my recent experience has taught me though, is you have to find a way because THAT is the only thing keeping you from what you want.  

     Thread Starter

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