Lanie Stevens, Author -- "Empowering Women Forum" - http://laniestevensauthor.com

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9/28/2016 11:50 am  #1


Answers to Questions About My Techniques

I know it seems that everyone is unique, different and each love story has a different solution.  However, after doing this for YEARS and reading thousands and thousands of emails, posts and counseling women from all walks of life the truth of the matter is ----  EVERYONE is in the same boat with just different details to their story.

The advice given in my books and on this forum can be used by absolutely every person who reads them.  There are NO extenuating circumstances that I have heard that makes any difference in the advice of the books or to any one of the thousands of posts on the forum.  

The truth is everyone who has a desire to continue a relationship with their ex is in the same boat.  Therefore, whether you have been together for 5 minutes or 5 years, have had contact or no contact, married or dating, WHATEVER the circumstances of the relationship the advice would remain the same.  Here are some familiar questions I receive on a daily basis.



Why no contact?  First of all, you only need to read a few of the posts on the forum to realize that contacting your ex can throw you off track emotionally and it is needless.  It isn't a "game" of NC.  It is because the technique works better to get your message to them, influence their thoughts and feelings and connect to them than a few words in a phone conversation or an impersonal text or email.  I know you want contact and you think that contacting them will somehow influence the person but it doesn't.  In fact, it can negate what you have done thus far.  So NC works best.

However, if he (or she) contacts you then you can be upbeat, positive, even flirtatious and it is okay.  You don't need to put a guard up and act pissy to them.  After all, you do love them and want them back.  But DO NOT put pressure on them to meet you, contact you again or any other strings you can think of.  Let it go and continue using my technique.  And, don't allow them to destroy your confidence, outlook, mood and life when they respond to you in a negative or dismissive way.  It may just be a matter of controlling you so don't fall for it.

Why isn't it working?  Just because you are not getting the immediate results you desire DOES NOT mean that it isn't working.  In fact, it works in ALL cases.  When you send a message the way I instruct to send it then it is impossible for them to not receive the message.  Thoughts are powerful in and of themselves BUT when you send a thought using the technique I describe in detail in my books it cannot miss the target.  They are getting the thoughts, emotions and messages and they will think of you, miss you and desire you.  Period.  

Why aren't they acting upon it by contacting you?  I am not a mindreader but I do know that personality plays an important role in how quickly they respond.  And, putting the desire and passion into the visualization ignites the passion they have for you BUT it is possible that the passion has diminished significantly during your relationship due to many reasons.  Does that mean it won't work?  Absolutely not.  But there needs to be an ember there to ignite something to a full flame.  If your relationship has been dead for a while it may be like resuscitating a corpse.  Allow time for it to work while continuing on with your life.  Looking at your watch, checking your phone, creeping on social media accounts and counting the days WILL slow down the process significantly.  Trust it, believe it and stop the obsessive thoughts that overtake your mind.

What to do when you are frustrated?  I know it's hard to play the waiting game that's why I don't recommend it.  In fact, I TELL YOU TO MOVE ON IN EVERY INSTANCE!!!  I know you have your heart set on this one individual, unique and wonderful person but you aren't going to wither away and die if it doesn't work out.  Moving on allows you to empower yourself, raise your vibration, attract others who may be more compatible and MOST OF ALL it takes away the frustration and feeling of victimization you may be experiencing.  You are not a victim!  The relationship (if looked at realistically) was not all that perfect or you would not have broken up.  Meditate, break the habit of addictive relationship behavior, do something positive for yourself or others, but move forward. 

Should I give up?   Once again, if you are doing things other than obsessing over the ex you won't ask that question? You will use the technique, let it go and go about your life with full intention of living it without attachment to the outcome.  The truth is that whether you do it consciously or not, you are manifesting 24/7.  Giving up on manifesting your life and changing it to a more positive life is an option you have but why would you want to do that?  Creating your reality happens every moment of every day and you have the power to create what you desire in life.  You may not have known that, or practiced it, with your ex.  You know it now!  Change your future.

I feel down and out because it hasn't worked!!!  Once again, I will remind you that I was in NC mode for 1 entire year with my fiancé'.  There are many other stories that are similar.  I asked myself at times "is it still working"?  To which the answer is OF COURSE IT IS!!!  Had I not had the knowledge, belief and proof from my own experiences (and many others) then maybe the doubt would have taken over.  But I know without a doubt, and have confirmed it MANY times, that it always works.  I mentioned in earlier posts that when I got back with my fiancé' I confirmed his thoughts of me, songs he associated with me, how he desired me, how every woman he looked at he would think "she's not Lanie", how he walked around his home saying out loud "Lanie where are you?"......  There are literally hundreds of confirmations from him and others that they think the thoughts and feel the emotions you send.  It is working!!!!!  They may not be contacting you but KNOW that without a doubt they are thinking about you!  

Should I look for signs?   Looking for signs shows that you do not really trust that it is happening so you need to confirm it.  What happens if you don't see a sign?  Then you don't believe.  So rather than allowing yourself to be wishy-washy and rely on some sign that you have created in your mind to equal success I would suggest that you KNOW deep within that it is working.  I have stated many times the best feeling to have is the one where you absolutely feel, see and sense them walking up to your door at any moment.  That is knowing that they are on their way back to you!

Why am I attracting back ALL of my exes, strangers and people I don't desire?  That is a positive sign that you are raising your vibration and the universe is answering by having literally ALL members of the opposite sex being attracted to you.  Yeah, but I only want the "ONE".  Being stuck mentally and emotionally on one outcome certainly limits what great things could be in store for you.  Why would you want to limit your experiences?  Know that if all the people you don't want are coming around how powerful the experience is for the one you are visualizing.  It is a positive sign so take it as that!

Does meditation help?  Meditation (which you use during the technique) is the absolute most powerful, positive and empowering thing you can do for your body, mind and spirit.  It can literally change your body, your vibration, your beauty, your relationship, your financial situation and everything else in your life.  If you have problems meditating or visualizing then please check out my meditations at http://laniestevensauthor.com.  


Why is the "cutting the cord" meditation necessary?  There is a physical, emotional and sexual attachment from you to your ex.  When you cut the cord between you it will do 2 things:  allow you to regain your power and make them feel the loss of you.  When you are emotionally connected to them they know it and there is no pressure on them to re-connect to you because you haven't gone anywhere.  Using the meditation allows them to feel the loss of the connection between you.  Does that mean that you are no longer connected?  Of course not!  You connect with them during PW and BWD meditations.  But you have complete control over the connection.  They cannot tap into your energy and drain it any longer.

Which works best -- PW or BWD?   In my experience PW is for getting emotional attachment, love and commitment.  BWD is about spicing up your sex life, creating passion and desire from someone and turning up their sexual desire for you.  Why do they sometimes respond faster to BWD?  Because it is about sex and not commitment or love they may respond for a booty call.  It is up to you whether you allow that or not.  If you want them to desire you in every way then alternate the two meditations.  If sex isn't high on your list of priorities don't use BWD on them.  You guys know how I feel about "bait and switch".  Don't expect love from a friends with benefits relationship.  Not saying it can't happen but it is infrequent.

What if he says he/she says they no longer want me?  My advice is to use the technique with no expectations and then move on with your life.  Don't spend your life hoping, praying, pining away and miserable.  I take people at their word but I do not allow it to affect my visualization.  Could it just be anger on their part?  Of course!  If it is just anger and resentment they are projecting then the technique will bring them back.  If they are absolutely done with you, want nothing to do with you and they have moved on with another person take them at their word and do the same.  You cannot let yourself be stuck in a state of limbo because of one person.  You must move forward!  Does it hurt?  Absolutely!  But the pain will ease if you don't open the wound on a daily basis.  You will live, find love again and get over the heartbreak --  AND hopefully manifest a mate that is perfect for you in every way!  Also, when they see that you have moved on many times they will realize what they have lost so they come back.  If they know you are there waiting like a puppy dog they are less likely to respond and more likely to move so far away it is rare they come back.  So for your sake, and the sake of your relationship with your ex, keep on moving forward.  I want to give an example because this seems so confusing for everyone.  Example:  You are in sales and you have a "tough sale" that keeps saying no.  Do you give up immediately and walk away?  Of course not!  You would suck in sales if you did that because everyone pretty much says no at first.  However, if the person is adamant and you keep pressuring them, begging them, guilting them, pestering them do they need to call the police for you to accept a no and walk away?  The same with your ex.  That doesn't mean that you can't visualize a different outcome it just means that you need to move on in your life while you do it.  

Why is it so hard for me to get over my ex?  ​  Most of the members of this forum (if not all) have been the person who wanted to keep the relationship and not the person breaking up.  The person who initiates the break-up is the person considered to have the power.  Why?  Because they knew the break-up was coming as it was them planning it.  They had plenty of time to get accustomed to the idea, move forward mentally and physically and begin planning their future without you.  Therefore, it is reasonable that although the break may have been difficult, it was much easier for them to move forward.  The person who wanted to keep the relationship may have been blind-sided and unwilling to accept the break-up.  Whereas, the other person has essentially visualized a life alone or with someone else.  They have essentially been practicing LOA by visualizing what their life would be without the relationship.

Why is self-esteem so important to recovery?   Those with higher self-esteem do better with rejection knowing that they will find someone else and perhaps someone even more suitable after a break-up.  And, usually the person with higher self-esteem is the person who initiates a break-up because they are less willing to allow someone to disrupt their lives, make them feel guilty, tolerate a cheater or behavior they don't desire, stay in a relationship and sacrifice their own happiness or be manipulated by someone.  So working on your self-esteem is very important in the healing process and in setting boundaries in relationships.  When you regain (or develop) a higher opinion of yourself and create standards for others to live up to you will not allow someone to negatively impact your life.  You will be able to walk away from someone that is not in your best interest even if you love and care for them.  Because you will care for yourself and your preservation and growth more you will attract more positive relationships into your life.

What if I am feeling what I am sending?  Be sure to disconnect from them after the technique.  You obviously have feelings for them or you wouldn't be on this website or using the technique.  But if you feel more sad, melancholy or desperate the problem is probably that you have connected BUT you didn't disconnect.  I see myself letting go, releasing them with love as they float away into the wild, blue yonder.  :-)

Why is raising my vibration important?   Negativity breeds negativity and negative experiences.  If you have ever attracted a mate when you were in a down, depressed or different vibration than what your normal is you will understand that what you attract at different times in your life will reflect your state of mind.  Example:  You are recently divorced or out of a relationship and you frequent bars and happy hour social events, online dating and although you are not a heavy drinker you suddenly find you're drinking a lot.  So, you attract a mate who has made a life out of appetizers and drinks, different women several times a week, hookups with no monogamony and no strings.  You date for a while but you are ready to go back to your "normal" commited self.  However, the life you were living with the person is his "normal".  Your frequency was temporarily impaired because you were recently out of a relationship.  Theirs was due to not desiring commitment.  Are you a match on an energetic/vibrational level?  No.  In fact, had you been your "normal" you would never have been attracted to them in the first place.  Nor them to you.  Trying to get a relationship to work under these circumstances is like trying to mix oil with water.  That's why I advise women to wait until they have healed to get into another relationship.  They will likely not be who they really are, and be comfortable and vulnerable enough to show it, until they have moved past the ex.  Raise your vibration so you can attract someone who has the same outlook, desire, commitment, potential to love, standards, etc.

What if I don't feel like doing Pussy Whip?    If you aren't feeling it don't do it!  This shouldn't be a chore for you to do.  It should be an awesome connection with your ex or a new target.  There are many things that can influence your desire to use the technique.  Perhaps you are losing interest, feel tired or frustrated or think it isn't working because you haven't "seen" the results and confirmed it works.  It doesn't matter what the reason it.  Do a short version, don't do it at all or just take a day off if you're not feeling up to it even for a few minutes.  Recognize the reason for the feelings because they are important.  If you're losing interest in the person that's fine!  Do it on someone new, on a job, finances, a new car, etc.  Visualization should be fun because you are essentially creating whatever it is you desire in your mind so it can manifest in your life.  NOTHING is created without it first being created in your wonderful, powerful subconscious mind!

Why scripting works?  Scripting is writing the story of your life "the way you desire it to be".  It imprints on your subconscious mind that what you are writing is true because as you write you feel the emotions of it being the truth.  You are programming yourself to win and attract what you want into your life.  You aren't writing negative thoughts or outcomes that you do not desire.  Keep them positive and as you write allow yourself to really read, absorb and believe the words you are writing.  Look over it frequently to reinforce to your subconscious mind that it is true.

What are positive signs from the ex and what to do about them?  I know what it feels like to be hopeful and look for anything that could possibly mean that they miss you, want you and couldn't live without you.   Having said that please do not look for any signs in things they do as anything more than it is.  Why?  Because as you are healing, creating and moving forward putting too much emphasis on their every move can allow you a temporary setback.  Example:  He "liked" something on FB.  Okay, that's good.  But that isn't an engagement ring!  Allow it to put a smile on your lips (as it would with anyone you love) and then keep moving forward.  Moving forward means don't hold onto that for 2 weeks looking for something more.  Use the technique, keep yourself busy, meet new people and don't check FB 100 times a day to see if there is anything else.  It needs to be an EFFORT on their part to really be enough for you to want them back.  A quick hookup, a "like" on social media, a "hi" when they see you isn't enough to stop your life over.  Think of them now as any other person you may have a slight interest in.  They really need to step up to a pretty high bar to be able to attract your attention and affection.  That's again where self-esteem is essential.  Don't settle for crumbs that take no effort at all.  You are worth more than that and ONLY YOU set the conditions and expectations of what is acceptable.  People with high self-esteem can walk away from a situation that doesn't meet their needs.  People with low self-esteem will settle for anything and be grateful that they have that!  You are no longer sisters (or brothers) with low self-esteem.  Change that and you will change everything about your life!

What if you can't clearly visualize the person?   Please do not worry over this!  I explain in my books that it doesn't matter.  Just your intention alone is enough to connect with them.  It doesn't matter if you see them, feel them, sense them, or just imagine them.  It will work if you can't visualize at all!  I get more emails over this subject than is necessary because there is no need to obsess over this detail.  Just relax, use the technique and connect with them in whatever way seems most easy, natural and real.  You can imagine their touch, smile, voice or anything else that endears them to you.  It does not have to be a clear visual.  The same if you close your eyes and imagine your bedroom.  You get a general sense of what it looks like, where things are placed and how it feels.  Same with your man!  :-)

Does your target have "free will" or are you controlling them?  This is a tough question that I get a lot and I will try my best to explain it the best way to understand it.  WE ALL HAVE FREE WILL!  We can influence the person, we can control their thoughts because (even temporarily) we are putting thoughts into their head and directing them by what we visualize.  That's powerful!  The visualization literally ignites the feelings and makes getting you off their mind very difficult.  But if they choose to use their own innate power and focus to overcome these suggestions they have the ability to choose to not respond and succumb to the thoughts.  Example:  Let's say you love chocolate cake and everywhere you look there is chocolate cake.  You see the cake everywhere -- billboards, TV ads, restaurants (same as the thoughts you are sending about love constantly) but you set your mind to overcoming the desire of eating the cake so you don't give in.  Your mind and resolve is greater than the temptation of having the piece of cake.  So although the thought is there, the temptation and desire is there and you are consumed by it YOU STILL HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE.  That is the best analogy I can come up with at the moment for the reason the person may "appear to be not receiving your message".  They do ALWAYS receive it.  They may just overcome it for reasons only they know.

Hope this helps everyone!!!!  xoxoxoxoxoxo

Last edited by Lanie Stevens (11/20/2016 8:04 pm)

9/28/2016 12:03 pm  #2


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

Great post. Thank you, Lanie

9/28/2016 12:06 pm  #3


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

Thanks Lanie!!

Question, so if there is absolutely no spark or flame left, can it still work? In your paragraph you made it seem like there has to at least be something there left. AFAIK, in my current "reality" she has absolutely no interest or feeling for me anymore. At all
Thanks again

9/28/2016 12:16 pm  #4


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

ThisIsMyUsername wrote:

Thanks Lanie!!

Question, so if there is absolutely no spark or flame left, can it still work? In your paragraph you made it seem like there has to at least be something there left. AFAIK, in my current "reality" she has absolutely no interest or feeling for me anymore. At all
Thanks again

I just edited it to include another question so I hope it answers yours.  If not, I will clarify.  Let me know!  :-)

     Thread Starter

9/28/2016 12:26 pm  #5


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

ThisIsMyUsername wrote:

Thanks Lanie!!

Question, so if there is absolutely no spark or flame left, can it still work? In your paragraph you made it seem like there has to at least be something there left. AFAIK, in my current "reality" she has absolutely no interest or feeling for me anymore. At all
Thanks again

I feel your pain and desperation and I know how that feels to experience.  You don't really know whether she has feelings for you or not ALL you know is what she says.  It can be due to anger, resentment, frustration or it could be the absolute truth.  

I would take her at her word but I would use the technique, stop obsessing, do something positive about my life, disconnect from her so you can empower yourself and allow her to feel the loss and if she has feelings for you she will be back.  I understand anxiety disorders and I have read your posts on the forum and I know this is difficult for you.  It's hard to do but you must allow yourself to focus on something other than her.  xoxoxoxoxoxo

     Thread Starter

9/28/2016 12:26 pm  #6


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

Lanie Stevens wrote:

ThisIsMyUsername wrote:

Thanks Lanie!!

Question, so if there is absolutely no spark or flame left, can it still work? In your paragraph you made it seem like there has to at least be something there left. AFAIK, in my current "reality" she has absolutely no interest or feeling for me anymore. At all
Thanks again

I just edited it to include another question so I hope it answers yours.  If not, I will clarify.  Let me know!  :-)

Thank you so much
Would you still say it's possible though? Even regarding such a situation? I'm feeling super positive and hopeful and i dont give up easily;)

9/28/2016 12:31 pm  #7


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

It is absolutely possible but you need to be healthy emotionally.  Ask yourself:  Would I want someone who is needy, obsessive, controlling or desperate?  

Focus on getting yourself to a good place and I promise everything else will fall into place.  Your life will change and not hinge on one specific person.  However, she will see you differently and if there is something there (and there probably is) she will be more likely to come back.  Allow your positivity to affect every area of your life and don't give up seeing yourself as happy, whole and complete with yourself.  Not relying on anyone else for your happiness and contentment.  :-)  

     Thread Starter

9/28/2016 12:43 pm  #8


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

Lanie Stevens wrote:

It is absolutely possible but you need to be healthy emotionally.  Ask yourself:  Would I want someone who is needy, obsessive, controlling or desperate?  

Focus on getting yourself to a good place and I promise everything else will fall into place.  Your life will change and not hinge on one specific person.  However, she will see you differently and if there is something there (and there probably is) she will be more likely to come back.  Allow your positivity to affect every area of your life and don't give up seeing yourself as happy, whole and complete with yourself.  Not relying on anyone else for your happiness and contentment.  :-)  

Thank you lanie! I love her and I cant give up

9/28/2016 1:09 pm  #9


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

Thanks a lot Lanie for posting in detail...you explained almost all questions & it really is helpful. 😊

Last edited by Faith (9/28/2016 1:10 pm)

9/28/2016 1:22 pm  #10


Re: Answers to Questions About My Techniques

If you can think of any other generic questions please let me know and I will address them on this link.  :-)

     Thread Starter

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