Hello Everyone, this is hands down the best advice I have read on letting go and detachment! it is a long post so settle in and really absorb what is written. I believe this to be one of the most important steps to achieving your desire and the final piece to the puzzle!

To understand what detachment IS, first it is important to understand what detachment ISN’T. Detachment IS NOT giving up, saying ‘I am tired and I don’t care anymore now’ or saying ‘I guess it was never meant to be’. These are not letting go of resistance. These are letting go of the DESIRE ITSELF! Such an attitude will keep your boyfriend/girlfriend even away from you. Detachment is not a state of ‘no desire’ its just a state of ‘no resistance’

So its important to see that detachment doesn’t mean ‘not desiring’ it rather means ‘not worrying or doubting or controlling’. Detachment is a state of being. It’s a state where you do not ‘need’ him/her to complete you. It’s a state of feeling whole by yourself. A state of absolute independence. By ‘independence’ I mean not depending on him/her for your happiness, joy, peace, etc. This takes us to an important question: Is it bad to be interdependent in a relationship by showing care and affection? Of course, its not bad to feel affectionate about someone. Give and take of affection and care are essential to any relationship. But its important to differentiate between affection and attachment. Most people tend to get confused between what they think is affection, but which in reality is attachment. You like another person, care about him/her, feel happy for their successes, etc-this is affection. You get absolutely tensed up when he/she, for whatever reasons, do not talk properly to you once, you feel absolutely powerless without them in your life, you need them to make you happy and you cannot be happy by yourself-this is attachment. The problem is, on the surface, attachment looks like affection. For instance, if you say ‘I love him/her so much that I would not survive without him/her’ it seems like love and affection alright, but if you really mean ‘you cannot survive without him/her’, then you are highly dependent on him/her for your well-being and hence, you are attached.

So how do you let go of that attachment or need? By loving yourself totally, accepting yourself and respecting yourself completely. And most importantly, taking up responsibility for your own feelings and not resting that power in the other person’s hand. This is actually already known. But there is a common mistake people tend to do in this phase. It is this: They love, respect and accept themselves ‘in order to’ attract the other person! So this self-love, self-respect and self-acceptance which are meant to make you feel good turn into efforts for attracting that person. When you do this in order to gain that relationship, in essence you are saying that ‘I do not have that relationship still. So I am going to love myself totally so that I can attract my love’. By doing this, you are focusing on ‘not having the relationship yet’. So you’ll end up attracting more of ‘not having that relationship yet’! If you love yourself as an effort to attract love back, then you haven’t let go at all. True detachment happens when you love yourself because you recognize your worth, because you truly respect yourself, because you feel and know that you are special and unique. You do not love yourself with an agenda to attract someone, you love yourself just because you love yourself! To fall in love with yourself, start appreciating everything about you: your eyes, nose, hair, body, your ability to talk well, your ability to help others, the way you make your friends smile…it could be anything. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself that make you proud of yourself. Gradually you’ll find so many things to appreciate about yourself and you’ll be amazed at how special you are. That’s when you won’t ‘need’ anyone else to complete you!

Now that was the first part of detachment, where you become happy even without your boyfriend/girlfriend in your life. There is another part, which is letting go of worrying, over analyzing, doubting or trying to control the manifestation. This happens to most of us and can seem quite difficult to overcome. But it isn’t that difficult in reality. In most cases, when you think about someone just randomly for a while and forget it, chances are more that you bump into that person in a short while. But you think about your lover for over days and weeks, and they seem nowhere around you. The reason is simple, when you thought about that random person, you were not worried about seeing them or not. You did not feel anxious or impatient to see them. You just forgot about them and they appeared in front of you. In case of your lover, you kept thinking about him/her over and over again. When you think with feelings even just once, your desire gets registered. But when you think over and over again, slowly anxiety, impatience, doubt and worry seep in. This blocks your way to manifest. So the best way is to forget about the desire once it is set. Your desire gets registered with the Universe when you set it even once, and by not over-thinking it, you are not even blocking its way.

Now comes the most asked question: I cannot stop thinking about him/her. How can I stop? The answer is simple again: You don’t have to ‘stop’ thinking about him/her. You just have to ‘start’ thinking about other things! Initially its a deliberate action of shifting thoughts, but with practice, it becomes automatic where you no longer think of him/her. You start focusing on other manifestations in your life and totally let go his/her need. That’s when he/she gets attracted back to you.

There is another commonly asked question: How is it possible to visualize/affirm and let go at the same time? By stopping visualizing/affirming am I ruining my manifestation? The answer is, it depends on what you are feeling while visualizing/affirming. If you are visualizing just because you feel happy while doing so and you don’t worry about the manifestation, then you are detached. But if you are feeling ‘By visualizing/affirming I am going to feel good. By feeling good I can supposedly attract him/her back’ then you are again operating from a place of attachment and lack. So you have to stop and shift your thoughts. By stopping visualizations you do not ruin your manifestation because even if you have visualized with feelings once, your desire is set to manifest. However, by visualizing/affirming over and over again from a place of lack, need and attachment, you do ruin your manifestation.

Here is the most important note: STOP WORRYING WHY HE/SHE DID NOT CONTACT YOU. WHEN THEY CONTACT YOU, DON’T ANALYZE WHY THEY SAID OR DID NOT SAY CERTAIN WORDS. WHEN YOU GET THEM BACK DON’T FEEL ANXIOUS THAT THEY MAY LEAVE YOU AGAIN. WHEN THEY ARE WITH YOU, DON’T THINK OF THEIR PAST ACTIONS AND GET FRUSTRATED. FORGIVE AND LOVE THEM COMPLETELY JUST LIKE YOU DO TO YOURSELF [img]http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/Smileys/SoLoSMiLeYS1/smiley.gif[/img]
Remember, detachment is not being cold, indifferent or uncaring. Detachment is filling yourself with so much peace and love that nothing affects your well being, and which also enables you to spread love and peace wherever you go.