Marz wrote:

Shawneegirl1980 wrote:

Em wrote:

My only problem with this thread is someone's personal choice being described as a "teaching" that we should all follow multiple times. That's like saying to an athiest "Well, Lanie believes in God so that's what is correct, that's what we must believe and follow!" Bizarre.

The only reason why Lanies opinion was brought up is because this is her forum.  No one is necessarily saying that what Lanie says is gospel...just stating that since this is her forum...her book supports a specific opinion.  We all know that people are going to do what they want to do anyway...but she is on Lanies forum asking for opinions...so that's why Lanies opinion on the matter was stated.

If they have no respect for Lanie's opinions when it's her forum, inspired by her books, I'm not sure what to say about that.

I do have respect for Lanie's opinions. It doesn't mean everybody "should" follow the same opinion as you previously stated.

At the end of the day..the OP asked for opinions...ppl cared enough to give them.  I just pray whatever decision she makes is what's best for her and her situation...no harm...no foul....

Okay.  We all have the right to have our opinions. As for the people who say that mostly women end up falling in love with man they sleep with should notice that most (not all) of these women are usually very desperate  and lonely.

There are many men too who fall in love with women with whom they are sleeping. And that  is what  happened in my  case. He fell in love with me way before I did. He was the one who wanted to marry first. I have slept with more than one man and I wasn't romantically interested in any of them except my ex because I spent non sexual time with them and I noticed my ex was someone very special and wonderful and I felt very amazing and different feelings with him.

Lanie mentions not to have sex too soon while dating and I agree with her because if you are looking for a long term relationship with the man (or woman) whom you are dating, then why would you sleep too soon and kill the fun, sexual tension, etc so soon? Why kill the fun of craving so soon? Why not explore each other more and become stable and then have sex. 

And yes there are men who pretend to want to date women for serious relationships to have sex with them but this exact  thing is done by women as well.
I do not wish to brag about myself but I stopped judging people  years  ago and I noticed people start admitting even their darkest secrets to us when we stop judging them and accept them. And I learnt on thing for sure  that women more than often do the exact same things that men do for the exact same reasons men  do.

A very close friend of mine had sex with her boyfriend after a whole year of being in the relationship and then lost interest in him. This is the girl who used to shout at the top of her lungs that she loved him.

A male friend of mine used to have sex with many women and he said "I want a deep emotional connection with a woman that's why I sleep with them". He used  to think satisfying women in bed will make them develop serious feelings for him. Very wrong, wasn't he? He is in relationship now but my guess  is he is in  it because of desperation.

Another male friend, he was in a relationship for six years. He was a virgin because he wanted to have sex only with his girlfriend and wanted to wait. The girlfriend left  him for arrange marriage. She married the man within a week after the break up. And here my friend was crying for her even after a year and still a virgin. When I asked why, he said he feels as if he is betraying her even if he thinks of having sex with another woman. And to this day he wants her back even after knowing that she sleeps with her lose husband.

A female friend of mine used to say that she doesn't even feel like looking at another man apart from her boyfriend and one fine day she called me and said that she slept with someone else. This wasn't an impulsive act on  her side. She planned it and did it and informed after the deed because she knows I wouldn't have supported cheating. And not once was she feeling  guilty or remorseful. A few weeks after that her boyfriend suddenly made a comment on a girl's  beauty, she called me up, angry about what he said and I had to remind her what she did a few weeks ago. But she is still my friend. I don't judge her. She is my lovely friend.

My opinion is that men and women are extremely alike but the differences we have are mostly created by the way society raises us. Men are raised in a manner where they are accepted no matter what they do but are not allowed to express their feelings(No wonder why many men are unable to express their feelings without being laughed at). Women are taught that they are supposed to feel and act in a certain manner and it is immoral if they go with their needs but accept everything a man does.

As far  as a man considering a woman less valuable if she sleeps with someone, that is how society raises them. Women are a part of the society and women allow this too. Want to empower women? Start raising men in a manner where they begin to see that women have needs to and it's a man's job to please them. Telling women to restrict themselves and still raising men with  the same mentality is not a solution.

And why would any woman want to be with a man who respects her less for wanting to fulfill her needs? Restricting yourself  for a man like that is same as valuing men (especially such loser men) more than yourself.
If a man cannot respect the fact that a woman has her needs and likes to have fun same as him, then he doesn't deserve any woman in  his  life in any relationship be it a mother, sister, lover/wife, daughter, friend.
How about being with a man who respects and understands our needs? I would rather stay single than stay in an evil company of a loser. Why settle for anything less than what we deserve?
I consider men and women equal but if anyone should be considered superior it's the women.
If cannot respect you, why would you want him? Aren't you berating yourself by making adjustments with YOUR need and pleasure to please "him"?

If man thinks a woman shouldn't do it then the hell he better be a virgin who has never  experienced even a blowjob.

Also I have seen women lose respect for men after finding out he isn't a virgin. They lose interest and respect. (I have had interest in virgin men too but only an interest.) I was once with my lovely female friends who asked me if I would be fine with a man who isn't a virgin and I said yes. But they all weren't fine with that. They said they wouldn't even touch a man if he isn't a virgin.

Why  would a man respect a woman's needs if she herself doesn't and restricts herself only to please him and gain the "respect" of that loser? He will obviously see himself as correct. Molding yourself in  a manner  where you can gain "respect" of a misogynist is a form of objectification. Doing something just to please him. Bothered with what "he" will think? Doing something because of what "he" will think is an  objectification too.

We get what we  think right? So if we keep thinking all men are  like that and all men think of women as something to be disrespected just because she fulfilled her needs,  then we keep attracting those types of  men.
How about focusing only on real men who respect women no matter what? Then we end up attracting those men, the  real ones.
I can tell you by  experience, I without being aware ended up focusing on men who respect a women's need,  do not judge women and actually like it that women respect themselves enough and have the courage to openly admit that they have their needs and have fun and I ended up attracting  those type of men in my friend circle too. My ex was the kind of person who even  if he wouldn't have fun would see to it that a woman reaches orgasm and ends up satisfied. He was least bit  interested in the women who would stop themselves just  because of what others (men) would think of them. In his eyes if a woman was so much bothered about what others would think of her  then she has  no respect and courage and he didn't like women with lack of self respect.

Aphrodite11 wrote:

Okay.  We all have the right to have our opinions. As for the people who say that mostly women end up falling in love with man they sleep with should notice that most (not all) of these women are usually very desperate  and lonely.

There are many men too who fall in love with women with whom they are sleeping. And that  is what  happened in my  case. He fell in love with me way before I did. He was the one who wanted to marry first. I have slept with more than one man and I wasn't romantically interested in any of them except my ex because I spent non sexual time with them and I noticed my ex was someone very special and wonderful and I felt very amazing and different feelings with him.

Lanie mentions not to have sex too soon while dating and I agree with her because if you are looking for a long term relationship with the man (or woman) whom you are dating, then why would you sleep too soon and kill the fun, sexual tension, etc so soon? Why kill the fun of craving so soon? Why not explore each other more and become stable and then have sex. 

And yes there are men who pretend to want to date women for serious relationships to have sex with them but this exact  thing is done by women as well.
I do not wish to brag about myself but I stopped judging people  years  ago and I noticed people start admitting even their darkest secrets to us when we stop judging them and accept them. And I learnt on thing for sure  that women more than often do the exact same things that men do for the exact same reasons men  do.

A very close friend of mine had sex with her boyfriend after a whole year of being in the relationship and then lost interest in him. This is the girl who used to shout at the top of her lungs that she loved him.

A male friend of mine used to have sex with many women and he said "I want a deep emotional connection with a woman that's why I sleep with them". He used  to think satisfying women in bed will make them develop serious feelings for him. Very wrong, wasn't he? He is in relationship now but my guess  is he is in  it because of desperation.

Another male friend, he was in a relationship for six years. He was a virgin because he wanted to have sex only with his girlfriend and wanted to wait. The girlfriend left  him for arrange marriage. She married the man within a week after the break up. And here my friend was crying for her even after a year and still a virgin. When I asked why, he said he feels as if he is betraying her even if he thinks of having sex with another woman. And to this day he wants her back even after knowing that she sleeps with her lose husband.

A female friend of mine used to say that she doesn't even feel like looking at another man apart from her boyfriend and one fine day she called me and said that she slept with someone else. This wasn't an impulsive act on  her side. She planned it and did it and informed after the deed because she knows I wouldn't have supported cheating. And not once was she feeling  guilty or remorseful. A few weeks after that her boyfriend suddenly made a comment on a girl's  beauty, she called me up, angry about what he said and I had to remind her what she did a few weeks ago. But she is still my friend. I don't judge her. She is my lovely friend.

My opinion is that men and women are extremely alike but the differences we have are mostly created by the way society raises us. Men are raised in a manner where they are accepted no matter what they do but are not allowed to express their feelings(No wonder why many men are unable to express their feelings without being laughed at). Women are taught that they are supposed to feel and act in a certain manner and it is immoral if they go with their needs but accept everything a man does.

As far  as a man considering a woman less valuable if she sleeps with someone, that is how society raises them. Women are a part of the society and women allow this too. Want to empower women? Start raising men in a manner where they begin to see that women have needs to and it's a man's job to please them. Telling women to restrict themselves and still raising men with  the same mentality is not a solution.

And why would any woman want to be with a man who respects her less for wanting to fulfill her needs? Restricting yourself  for a man like that is same as valuing men (especially such loser men) more than yourself.
If a man cannot respect the fact that a woman has her needs and likes to have fun same as him, then he doesn't deserve any woman in  his  life in any relationship be it a mother, sister, lover/wife, daughter, friend.
How about being with a man who respects and understands our needs? I would rather stay single than stay in an evil company of a loser. Why settle for anything less than what we deserve?
I consider men and women equal but if anyone should be considered superior it's the women.
If cannot respect you, why would you want him? Aren't you berating yourself by making adjustments with YOUR need and pleasure to please "him"?

If man thinks a woman shouldn't do it then the hell he better be a virgin who has never  experienced even a blowjob.

Also I have seen women lose respect for men after finding out he isn't a virgin. They lose interest and respect. (I have had interest in virgin men too but only an interest.) I was once with my lovely female friends who asked me if I would be fine with a man who isn't a virgin and I said yes. But they all weren't fine with that. They said they wouldn't even touch a man if he isn't a virgin.

Why  would a man respect a woman's needs if she herself doesn't and restricts herself only to please him and gain the "respect" of that loser? He will obviously see himself as correct. Molding yourself in  a manner  where you can gain "respect" of a misogynist is a form of objectification. Doing something just to please him. Bothered with what "he" will think? Doing something because of what "he" will think is an  objectification too.

We get what we  think right? So if we keep thinking all men are  like that and all men think of women as something to be disrespected just because she fulfilled her needs,  then we keep attracting those types of  men.
How about focusing only on real men who respect women no matter what? Then we end up attracting those men, the  real ones.
I can tell you by  experience, I without being aware ended up focusing on men who respect a women's need,  do not judge women and actually like it that women respect themselves enough and have the courage to openly admit that they have their needs and have fun and I ended up attracting  those type of men in my friend circle too. My ex was the kind of person who even  if he wouldn't have fun would see to it that a woman reaches orgasm and ends up satisfied. He was least bit  interested in the women who would stop themselves just  because of what others (men) would think of them. In his eyes if a woman was so much bothered about what others would think of her  then she has  no respect and courage and he didn't like women with lack of self respect.

Well the original poster mentioned that she catches feelings quickly sooooo.....

Ya'll reminding me of Coach Carr