This is my first post so bear with me about how long it is please.   I have been doing PW with some BWD and a few reverse RS sessions along w/Veronica’s 25 day challenge thrown in. I had done the cutting the cord meditation a few times but it left me feeling bereft so I stopped. I have used the orgasm meditation, BWD and both PW recordings to help but I also do the techniques listening to music. I had a really raw and intense reverse RS session last week and after that started seeing signs that I hadn’t been looking for but were coming pretty frequently. Since then, I had backed off BWD and just concentrated on PW because I was starting to feel that was what my guy wanted. Like one time I tried BWD last week and it ended up just being PW, which is really a lot of how my guy is in real life.  Through this all, I have been really keeping up the positive energy, feeling really good about how much I have changed, learned to love myself through this process, etc. I had stopped seeing signs a few days ago and was okay with that because I trust the process. But then, bam! Yesterday I was having a very low day and feeling down and disappointed and actually asked for signs and got nothing. This is the first time since my breakup that I had felt that way for more than a short period of time. I was obsessing about why he hadn't called me. I read all 123 pages of Lanie's thread on LSA. I read almost all the posts here. I was miserable and making myself feel worse. When I got home from work, I actually teared up while listening to music (side note- I haven’t cried at all since the breakup or even during it). I prayed and then did the cutting the cord meditation. I took a nice bath w/a trashy novel and started to feel really good. Getting my mental chatter to stop was great!  I  had an epiphany during my bath about what issues may be holding my guy up from contacting me and some things I could say to him to get him past his internal struggle. I know him so well and I just felt all of a sudden that these are the issues he’s struggling with. I am a bit surprised I didn’t recognize it from the beginning so maybe it’s a vibe I am getting from doing PW on him? Anyway, I was able to tuck that away for later because I knew that I wasn’t in the right energy to try it last night. Then I was able to go back to my book and just feel good.
 
I woke up very early and did PW to music. I woke him up in bed, which has been the norm lately. At first he would act very surprised and ask why I was there (I’d playfully say because you want or need me here) and then he would get really happy. Today, he wasn’t surprised, just almost relieved and happy. He came to hug me and I said we should lay down so we could cuddle. It was a mix of me saying what I wanted him to say and him telling me without prompting. I had him say several variations of basically “There are no obstacles, I only want to be with you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Is it too late? I miss you. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t work. I think about you constantly. I only desire you. I only get turned on by you. I feel sick when I look at another woman.  I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I yearn to feel you in my arms and hear your voice, etc. But I also added this, which is what I think my guy is struggling with: “my heart only desires you and I only listen to my heart. I do not have any other responsibilities but to listen to my heart. I don’t need a reason to contact you, I am just going to contact you. This probably lasted about 20 minutes and it felt really emotional. Then I went into BWD but it morphed into reverse RS, where it got really HOT AND HEAVY. It felt great. I heard him say loving things and very sexual things to me. I felt it from his perspective. He’s not much of a talker when we are intimate but I heard his internal dialogue. After it was over, I told him that I would need to leave very soon. He held me closer and I swear I could feel him and said he didn’t want me to go. He said some of the script from earlier, some without my prompting and I had him repeat the part about he is only going to listen to his heart, that is his only responsibility and that he didn’t need to come up with a reason to contact me and he would just call me. As I left, I pictured him looking dejected over me leaving (which I always do), kissed him and said I would see him soon. As I was leaving, I pictured cutting the cord. It was amazing! As it was over, I felt a cool sensation/draft come over me even though I was under the covers. When I rolled over to go back to sleep, it almost felt like something touched my skin. When I woke up a few hours later, I felt so full of positive energy and this light but almost empty feeling.  

This is where it gets interesting…. as I was getting into my meditative state, a thought of a guy who I have absolutely no interest in but has told me that he wants to be my rebound popped into my head. I’d been feeling guilty about not responding to a text from him the other night and maybe leading him on even though I had told him clearly last week that it was never going to happen and I’d deleted his contact in my phone. But I had still felt bad about the way I treated him and then guilty about not responding to his text. So three hours later, I am at work and he stops by! He hasn’t stopped by my desk since he started hitting on me a few weeks ago after my breakup. I wasn’t happy to see him because I was doing my scripting and feeling really good about it. I didn’t acknowledge his text and just tried to hurry him along. But thinking back about it, the few times I have done BWD or reverse RS, I have gotten a text from him almost instantly. Last week when I had my super intense RS session, I got a text from him 10 minutes after I was done. He was definitely not in my thoughts!

Does this mean my vibration is rising again? I feel really confident about my new script to use during PW getting through to my guy. I was trying to avoid saying you will call me but in this context because I think I was starting to get disappointed but in this context it feels right. Is it okay to tell him to call me and that he doesn’t need a reason? Should I be doing more RS or at least adding in BWD a few days a week, even if I sometimes feel like he is resisting BWD because it seems like I’m getting through more?  I know that I am going to continue to do the cutting the cord technique because I need to. Is this empty but good feeling me starting to detach?  Any advice or thoughts are most welcome! Thanks!