Claire_Bear wrote:

I want to try this on a man I haven't met.  Bear with me, I know it sounds odd.  It is someone I had a crush on a long time ago when he was in a band and I've suddenly had him come into my mind for no reason at all.  He is with someone though but I don't know how happy they are ............. so would it be unethical?  I also want to talk to him about some research I am doing for a masters' degree about musical history so there is that angle.  I have to then look at the practical aspect of contacting a stranger via Facebook (only real contact details I have, though I have also found his address) so I thought this would sort of smooth the path a bit if I did it first?

So I am a bit unclear how it would work when he doesn't know me. What on earth would happen if I started doing RS with him in mind when he wouldn't recognise me?  And, would I imagine me and him as we looked then, in the past, or now?

 

Hello Claire Bear 

First off, welcome to the Lanie forum.  Second - make sure you get all three of Lanie's books.  The meditation

methods work on anyone but I myself have never tried it on a stranger, I only use it on people that I know.  You

could contact him to let him know that you would like his input for your dissertation or whatever, he should be

flattered but he also may not even respond, that's a chance you will have to take by making contact.  As to him

being in a relationship, it is up to you to determine whether it's ethical or not.  You could invite him for coffee or

something and see where it leads.  You work your meditations in the present and future time, not the past.

 

Thank you for your comments.  Tonight I have actually chatted to a former bandmate on FB and found out that he has kidney failure and has to have regular dialysis which was a shock and a half. Still trying to take it all in. 

Last edited by Claire_Bear (1/22/2017 6:40 pm)

Indigo wrote:

Claire_Bear wrote:

Thank you for your comments.  Tonight I have actually chatted to a former bandmate on FB and found out that he has kidney failure and has to have regular dialysis which was a shock and a half. Still trying to take it all in.

That's so sad.  Maybe you could just send him well wishes since you had such a big crush on him for so long.  As to a romance, it's difficult to get involved with someone who is so sick.  That may seem mean spirited but it's a fact - I have personal experience with this.  Let us know how it goes.

Thanks.

The mate of his I spoke to on FB said he is actually doing OK and it is manageable, which has made me feel a bit better. 

Not a koala, I'm a British bear :D

Claire_Bear wrote:

Update on this - I have tried it a couple of times - the first time I wasn't that good with it (told myself it was a practice run) but then I did it again last night. It felt very positive, actually. Sort of fizzy inside, like on a first date or something. In the last few days, I have managed to get a hold of the guy's phone number and address. I've made contact with two or three people who know him, know where he is and what he's doing and I was quite surprised that these were people I would not have managed to contact normally - they popped up out of the ether so to speak.  It was so easy. One of them who used to work with him gave me his phone number, told me to give him a call and say where I had got the number from and why.  

As for anything that would happen between us now, I don't know and wouldn't know what I would want until I saw him - but what I do want is for him to "recognise" me when that happens - which is why I am doing this.  I want a bit more of a deeper connection before we actually speak/meet - as it's most likely it will be me who contacts him and I want him to recognise me ....... although I realise there is a possibility he may contact me if one of these mates of his tell him and give him my contact details. 

I also want to (again does this sound weird?) get to the point where we both acknowledge that years ago, had we met then, we could have really had a good thing going - regardless of what happens now.

I do want that positive and ongoing connection with him, whether we make that romantic or not now.

I also only remember what he looked like back then as I haven't seen him for years. 

Hope this makes sense!
 
 

 
 
That's great that you were able to get his contact info so easily.  If you haven't seen him lately you
can visualize him as he was before, that's fine to do, or you can use a recent pix, I think you said
you saw him on FB.  It takes a few times to get used to doing the meditations, just keep doing
them and it will become very easy to do and soon you'll be doing it all the time.

As to acknowledging what might have been in the past, all of that is irrelevant.  Work on the
present and the future.