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- duvetwitch
- Contributor
Offline - Registered: 2/14/2017
- Posts: 21
Complicated situation?
Hi
I'm new to this. I bought PW and the meditation MP3 and did it for the first time last night. Before doing the meditation I also did another remote contact meditation that I read about (and added to myself). It was very strong. So was the PW meditation. This morning I did the cord cutting meditation too, although I am sure I will need to do it again.
I do feel very much better in myself, and I know this will work. I have a few questions, and I think that first I will give some background.
My boyfriend and I were together for nine months, but he has a very troubled past. He was semi unfaithful to me in the summer/ autumn and realised he needed to go back into therapy as, in his words, he was sabotaging the the relationship. However, during therapy his therapist told him that he should not be in a relationship right now. But he did not tell me that, he wanted to be with me so much. Of course, he continued to sabotage the relationship by picking fights and just being odd in general. I stuck with it. But over Christmas I suggested taking a break, as he was not coping with the relationship, which he reacted very badly to. Things went downhill from there and I ended the relationship four weeks ago. I have regretted ending it ever since.
We saw each other just over two weeks ago, and talked for hours (as well as sex). He said he doesn't want to cut me out of his life altogether, but he cannot be my boyfriend - despite the fact that he does love me. He says he will continue to sabotage the relationship until he gets better, but he doesn't know how long that will take. Therefore he wants me to move on with my life. He feels he has nothing to offer me - my life materially is better than his (I own my own house, have two kids etc). So we left it that we would maybe (maybe) see each other or talk to each other once a month.
Ive not been in contact with him, as he asked for no contact. I said I would be in touch in a month and he agreed.
My questions therefore are these:
1. Should i contact him in two weeks, or just leave it to him? I did say that I would contact him, and due to his massive insecurities and that it was me that broke things up maybe I should stick to what I said I would do - to show consistency and follow through?
2. Within the PW framework is there some way I can help him with his healing process? I'm thinking that because it works on the subconscious mind that it may be possible to get him to feel, subconsciously, that he IS well and that he HAS put his past behind him and that he DOES NOT sabotage anything good that comes to him. What things can I plant there?
3. If it is possible to help him - what would I do during the meditation? Would I just have him say those things e.g. 'I am well now'? Or would there be more to it?
4. How do I judge that he has had enough time to work on himself? But then again, if the problems are in his subconscious mind (which believes him to be unworthy and unloveable) - if I could access it and help reprogramme this?
In the meantime I am seeing a therapist myself, and also a clinical hypnotherapist - to put myself in a better position as I have found this to be a very damaging experience. He is the love of my life, and I know what we have is worth saving. At 42 years old I don't want to lose this chance.
I'm so sorry for the long post - this one is tricky!
By the way, I am also an astrologer, so I asked myself a question about the 'communication' with him - whether it worked or not. The answer was a clear yes. So anyone with any doubts should start to get rid of them.
Thanks all.
x
- Oasiscalm
- Manifesting Genius
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- Registered: 1/27/2016
- Posts: 901
Re: Complicated situation?
The situation really isn't complicated. And you don't need to help/heal him/ comfort him/ call him etc etc etc. Leave him alone.
Focus on yourself. Clear up your energy. You may want to streamline all the different techniques you are using.
Get some focus in your intention he is not where you need to be focused. It all starts with changing yourself and your self talk & beliefs.
Have a Read of this passage Absorb and Digest.
What You Believe
The entire world is unconditionally demonstrating your beliefs. There is no such thing as unconscious beliefs because life is constantly and consistently manifesting your beliefs. Everyone who shows up in your day is reflecting your personal beliefs, about life, about you and about them. If you believe the world is a hostile place, you get hostile people. If you believe most people are kind, people will demonstrate kindness.
How You Feel
How you feel, at any given moment, sends out a vibratory energy that life immediately reflects back to you. This is the law of attraction. If you feel happy and light hearted, others will reflect that, and if you feel down and depressed, others will reflect that, as well. Shift your reality to the reality you want to experience.
What You Expect
What you expect in any situation directly influences what you will experience. Have you ever found yourself saying, “I knew that would happen”? Have you considered that it was your knowing that actually made it happen? People cannot show up any better or different than you expect them to. Most of the time, we base our expectations on how we judge someone or how they have shown up in the past. What we fail to understand is that our expectations and judgements actually lock in those negative aspects of that person.
How You See Someone
How you see a person at any given moment calls forth that version of that person. This means if you are judging someone or focusing on the things that you do not like about that person, you will experience exactly that. If you want to know how you see someone, notice how they show up for you.
- Blue
- Manifesting Genius
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- Registered: 12/24/2016
- Posts: 512
Re: Complicated situation?
I think, for the moment, you both truly need to work on yourselves in order for this relationship to ever work again. As well as - stop thinking about the details of your relationship with him. Simply because it isn't your job to think of the how's/whys/when's/it's/etc. That's the job for the universe and angels to decide and you worrying about that is showing them that you don't trust them. You need to focus on the end result - which is you two being happy and loving and healthy in a committed relationship with one another.
You said yourself his therapist advised him against a relationship AND that he has been sabotaging the relationship between the two of you. Not healthy at all and definitely not something you yourself want to be around if you are trying to better yourself.
Another thing - many of us recommend you not continue having sex with someone you were with or previously with as this may confuse you emotionally over time. As well as the man will think "Well I can just have sex with her despite committing to her." Wrong. Make him commit FULLY before giving him your goodies.
To answers your questions.
1. Reach out to check if he's ok then leave him alone and focus on you.
2. You can imagine him healthy and happy. Don't focus on "how" - just focus on him being healthy and happy and such in the end.
3. Yes but he needs to help himself too. Again, helping him would imagine him happy and healthy. Him saying things to you like "I feel healthy, I feel great, I am happy, etc."
4. People need their personal space, especially people such as him who are not...how do I put this? Mentally sound. He needs time to figure his shit out, if you know what I mean. Depending on how old he is, it may take more time because subconsciously - he has believed for a very long time he's unlovable or whatever.
Him being the love of your life should not cloud your judgement, though. My man is in a pretty shitty situation too but I give him space and let him come to me because I know what he's going trough is rough. It sounds like your man just wants the same - to get his shit together so he can be happy. You need to facilitate happiness for him in your visualisations. Just picture yourself sending him a ball of light and love and him receiving it. Tell him you love him, give him lots of hugs, etc. He will feel that and know it's from you. So do that.
In the meantime, please use this time to focus on you. You are still young, despite what you think. You got this.
- duvetwitch
- Contributor
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- Registered: 2/14/2017
- Posts: 21
Re: Complicated situation?
Thank you both. I totally understand what you are both saying and I am definitely using this time to be happy in myself and move on etc. I'm going on a date (or possibly three) next week and have literally so many emails from a dating website that I actually cannot keep up! So, no I am not sitting around waiting for him.
Having said all that, what is the point of the PW technique etc if not to get the man you want back? Yes, you just do that meditation once or twice a day and then go about your business and not focus on it. I get that, but for that part of the day you are still doing that technique and you therefore still want him back.......
In the meantime, yes, we both will continue to do our own thing to get better in our own ways.
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Thread Starter- Indigo
- Manifesting Genius
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- Registered: 10/23/2016
- Posts: 495
Re: Complicated situation?
Hello. Since you have children you need to take them into consideration also. BF can't have it both ways.
He wants you to move on with your life but he wants you to stay in touch once a month. Are you supposed
to put your life on hold, looking at the calendar and counting the days until you make contact? I wouldn't.
I would continue to meditate upon him with the phrases that Lanie suggests such as "I love you, I need
you, I can't live without you." Not "I am well now, I'm going to go to therapy" or whatever. If you decide
to get back together with him, you might consider going to therapy together. Make sure you get Lanie's
PP, it's free today so take advantage of that and make sure to read it. I think it's her most important
book, if you don't do the things she says in PP the other things you're doing are irrelevant.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
* Don’t Be Pushed By Your Problems. Be Led By Your Dreams ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson *
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- Blue
- Manifesting Genius
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- Registered: 12/24/2016
- Posts: 512
Re: Complicated situation?
duvetwitch wrote:
Having said all that, what is the point of the PW technique etc if not to get the man you want back? Yes, you just do that meditation once or twice a day and then go about your business and not focus on it. I get that, but for that part of the day you are still doing that technique and you therefore still want him back.......
In the meantime, yes, we both will continue to do our own thing to get better in our own ways.
I'm not sure I understand what you're asking here....PW and BWD are techniques that connect to anyone's subconscious and overtime it embeds in their subconscious on a profoundly deep level.
You're supposed to do the technique and stop worrying about the outcome and go on about your day not worrying if it's working or not. Eventually the feelings you send overwhelms them and they reach out, that's just how it works. When you think of them throughout the day you just send them love, not worry if what you're sending is working or not.
- duvetwitch
- Contributor
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- Registered: 2/14/2017
- Posts: 21
Re: Complicated situation?
I'm not sure I understand what you're asking here....PW and BWD are techniques that connect to anyone's subconscious and overtime it embeds in their subconscious on a profoundly deep level.
You're supposed to do the technique and stop worrying about the outcome and go on about your day not worrying if it's working or not. Eventually the feelings you send overwhelms them and they reach out, that's just how it works. When you think of them throughout the day you just send them love, not worry if what you're sending is working or not.
Yes, I think that you are agreeing with what I said - that you just do it and then go about your day as normal. I just felt that what you were also saying (and oasiscalm) was essentially that it would not work for me - that the relationship would not work (because of me or because of him - whoever). It sounded like you were saying 'give up on him' - which I thought was a little odd, given that the thread is about getting your ex back.
I totally take on board all the stuff about not focussing on it etc, which I am definitely learning to do and getting better at!
Thanks again for your help.
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Thread Starter- duvetwitch
- Contributor
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- Registered: 2/14/2017
- Posts: 21
Re: Complicated situation?
Hey
Just a quick update. I'm doing the meditations every day (more PW than BWD, but I do a little of that as well). I don't always use the recordings, but I do use them several times a week. The other times I just go into meditation and take it from there, and sometimes go into a theta meditation and again pick it up from there.
Neither of us has made any contact with the other one. I've not been overly worried about it, and have been pretty happy actually! In fact I would say I am very happy. My therapist said, on Friday, that she didnt think I needed therapy anymore - I told her about my current attitude and way of doing thing internally (but not about manifesting my ex back!). Basically I am somehow rewiring my brain to be more positive about myself and about life and the relationship. My negative attitude and fear that he would leave me eventually drove a wedge between us; this combined with his issues clearly made the relationship impossible at that time.
That said, I am convinced we will be together again; in fact I don't generally feel like we even broke up! I feel like we are still together in a new space.
Doing a lot of other reading about manifestation and some of the Neville Goddard stuff too - so thanks all for that information and all the links!
xx
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