Oasiscalm wrote:

Blissful wrote:

Hi Sisters,
​I have been MIA for a long time from the forum dealing with personal issues and just generally trying to raise my vibration and stay on a positive self love journey.. now I am dealing with recent heartbreak from my love again and want to turn to my sisters for support and encouragement that I chose the right path.
​6 months ago my love came back and we fell into a friends with benefits situation, Lanie advised me to stop this immediately and I wish I had taken her advice, I knew deep down I was giving up my power to him by seeing him this way but I just couldn't let him go. He has been applying for work overseas in the USA and Canada (we live in Australia) so he always said to me he can't commit to anything as any moment he could be leaving the country. I persisted because I though I could do the technique and change his mind and bring him back to me. I received conflicting advice on other forums saying I should be grateful he still wants to see me and be intimate with me and that its a positive sign and just keep doing the techniques and he will be offering a committed relationship in no time. So I continued seeing him on a weekly basis but it just never progressed into the relationship I desired. I finally told him I can't keep hanging out like this and that I want to progress into a loving relationship, he of course responded with the usual response with "I am still applying for work overseas so I just cant commit to anything right now because if I leave we will have to go through the whole shit process again, I understand you can't wait anymore and you and you should be with someone who can give you what you want" I know he loves me and cares about me but it fucking hurts that I'm not enough to fight for.. he's letting me go based around an imaginary job that probably wont even happen but he'd rather focus on a 'what if' job then try again with me. I'm just so devastated I've spent all this time trying to get us back together and he still just keeps me at arms length but is so affectionate and loving when we are around each other.. I just don't get it. I know I need to walk away but its still so hard for me to let him go when he is so available but only on a physical level and I know that's not enough and I deserve so much more. Some advice would be so helpful, I contacted Lanie and she was so supportive and kind, told me to be strong and I am trying to be.. It's like I just can't take my own advice and I am so worried me walking away from him is going to result in loosing him forever.. I believe in LOA and trust in the process but I just find my situation so confusing and I'm just in a really low place right now.
​Big love to you all xoxo

Sorry you are having a hard time.

My advice to you and I truly hope you take it is to take some time out and work on yourself. He isn't going anyway. Trust me if he is what you desire you can have it. But you absolutely have to put yourself and your heart first.

Get your confidence back sky high. Spend time affirming how fab you are. Fill yourself up with love and confidence. Glow with a resolve that all that will be flowing to you will be full of commitment and love. Once you are strong and full of resolve then decide whether he is the one and whether you will continue to concentrate on him. If it's him then you lock your laser on him and get to work.

But trust me you have the opportunity to build a foundation here and the foundation starts with you. What he says means nothing. All it does is show you what you are vibrating. He is reflecting to you your doubts fears and worries. Clear them up first and foremost then act.

​Beautiful words Oasiscalm, thank you! I feel such a fool to have let this go on so long! before he reached out I was in such a good place, I was discovering myself and believing whole heartedly he would be back and it would be better then ever and the first time around it was! we were officially seeing each other again, he would take me out on dates once a week but then he left and I had to pick myself up again.. I believe this is why I had some lingering doubts and fears he wouldn't stick around and commit the second time he came back. My current reality was showing me a guy who just wanted a friends with benefits situation and that is what I got. It's difficult to visualize a committed relationship when what you have in front of you is not reflecting that.. I guess that's why it will be so much easier for me to attract the relationship of my dreams if I'm not constantly faced with the lack of it, so being on my own and away from an in-wanted situation has to be the best thing for me.. gosh I am so grateful to have my sisters on here for guidance and advice, you all help me to be strong and help me stick to the right path even after I have well and truly drifted off into the ditch and become stuck in the bushes! It's never to late to start again and that is what I need to do now
​xoxo
 

Aphrodite11 wrote:

Blissful,
         I want to apologise if you felt that I meant he used you. I do not speak like this especially about women. Because let's face it you weren't used. You participated in it and I hope you had your fun too. Used is when somebody is raped.
         The reason I said my friend was used because that girl was aware he wanted to marry her and yet she wanted to sleep with him again after she rejected his proposal. She was aware he was hurting horribly. You cheat someone then sleep with him, then you see his feelings for you and you continue to insult his feelings. She treate him as if nothing happened and as if she was not wrong. I don't want to go in details much but she was very cruel towards him. At least your man was loving towards you after the break up. So no you weren't used. But this girl was utterly brutal. She kept him dangling. This was after 4 to 5 years of relationship. That's why I said she "used" him for her pleasure. Because she really did. She didn't care for him. She wanted only one thing from him.
         I am sorry Blissful I didn't mean that. Because in my eyes you weren't used. It was your choice too. The reason I say one shouldn't be sleeping with an ex while still having feelings is because both are in a very different mental state. They are not likely to realise that things can turn hurtful for either one or both of them. It is likely to make another person think you will always be in their life no matter what they do to you. You will be there even if they leave because you are there even after they left. If you appear to be okay with being there then that is what they will think. They aren't going to realise that you are affected by the break up. Not everybody is a bad human. Some are like the girl I mentioned but some are just immature and foolish. In the long run even your man is likely to regret sleeping with you after the break up. At least he will feel bad about it (if he has any humanity in him). It is likely to hurt him too.
          But I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that. See when people break up, they BREAK UP. Everything between them breaks up except the psychic connection. So they shouldn't be around each other for anything. No need to help each other for anything. When people break up they give a clear message that they do't want their partners in their lives anymore. So the partners should respect that and leave their lives in turn they will be respecting themselves by not being there at all. No need to be there for someone who has made it clear they don't want you enough. In fact they have themselves told you that you are free to go away. So don't worry about how they will feel if you really left. 
          Just stay in strict no contact for your well being. You will be fine very soon. Give yourself some time. But again I am sorry for not being clear. You will be stronger soon dear.

I just responded to your PM and you really don't need to feel bad at all I know you were coming from a place of love and only sharing a story to do with this sort of thing. I feel a lot stronger and clear headed already I know I made the right choice to walk away for now and I aim to just send him love and love myself fully and take care of me. Reading Lanie's book helped a lot today, came at exactly the right time and I know they will help me towards my desire.
xoxo
 

Evey2222 wrote:

Hey Blissful,

So sorry to hear about your situation, I was in exactly the same place. My ex just wanted to see me for sex and that was it, kept saying he couldn't commit (he is in the army) and doesn't want a relationship, whilst also trying to date other women as well as sleep with me. 
At the end of the day, you are definitely not the problem, and its not that you aren't enough so please do not think that of yourself, i know how it feels and it is easier said than done but you will come to realise that actually, he is the one that isn't enough, he isn't willing to give you what you want right now. But all you need to do is focus on your life and your happiness. You are amazing and you need to remember this every time you feel bad. Don't lose sight of your desire and don't lose hope. People have gotten their loves back through the worst situations, you can do this you just have to truly believe and have faith and confidence in yourself! Definitely do not sleep with him again, mainly because he doesn't deserve to have you sexually right now, you are a goddess and he needs to work for it and earn you!! Stay strong, PM me is you need some advice or just to talk! I know its so difficult but the main thing is remembering our worth and that we deserve the best we can get! 

I hope this helped and maybe uplifted your spirits, stay strong and make yourself happy as YOU and only YOU are the most important person in your life! xxxxxxx

​Evey2222 This was so lovely to wake up to, thank you for taking the time to write to me regarding my situation this did help to raise my spirits and I feel a lot stronger and more sure of my decision to walk away for now until I get the commitment I deserve. It was hard at first because we were doing everything a couple does, he took me out to dinner, we would go for drinks, watch movies/TV shows in bed. He would be affectionate with me in public and do everything a boyfriend would do BUT he wouldn't tell his friends about me, he kept me a secret so to speak and we wouldn't do anything socially it would always just be the two of us.. and I just couldn't keep living like that, I'm very social and just wanted to spend time with his friends again and see his family/go to events together but that was the one thing he couldn't do and I think it came from a fear of having to explain us to other people and having to make a decision about what we were to each other. I know he loves me, I know he is just confused and needs time away from me to realize what he would be giving up. I will continue to give love to myself, take care of me and follow my passions and dreams. I love him and I will not give up on the desire to have the relationship of my dreams, I know it I believe it and I leave it up to the universe to deliver it to me would not have made it to this point without Lanie and my sisters on this forum. Is the ex you spoke of the one you still desire?
​xo