SouthernFell wrote:

So I have been a long time lurker and have been using Lanie's techniques for quite some time but this is my first post as I'm feeling a little discouraged.

In the fall of last year I reconnected with a friend from college and it became romantic. Things we going great up until about a month ago, we had a decent sized blow up and he said that he didn't feel he could move beyond it. We agreed to stop talking but he immediately (within a day) came back and we have been rebuilding. I began using PW on him then to make sure we got over that hump, I was doing them through last week and everything was slowly getting better we were in a good place. He went out of town last weekend with some friends, and then yesterday I felt like things were different. I asked him about it and he avoided the question but eventually told me that he met someone on the trip he felt like he was interested in so his attention was focused elsewhere. He said he wants to focus his energy only on her but did not want to risk losing me and our friendship if we stopped working towards a relationship. I said I didn't think we could go back to being just friends given everything and that we should part ways.

I'm feeling really discouraged by this sudden change in behavior, I am trying to not doubt myself and the process but I'm finding that to be very difficult. Any suggestions? Is this type of thing common? In the past I have only used PW on people that I was not currently speaking to so the only change in behavior I saw was a positive one, is this par for the course? He is very very important to me for a number of reasons and I am devastated by all of this.

Any reassurance or tips would be really helpful and thank you for taking the time to read.

My situation is very similar to yours, a guy I've known from college & I reconnected & things were going great and then I felt him pulling away and he finally confessed that he met a girl and wants to see where it goes with her. I had been doing PW/BWD here and there before it happened, so I was discouraged as well. Maybe he is using her to hide the feelings he's been experiencing.
But like Lanie's books say to do, i just keep doing PW/BWD and continue to work on myself and believe that this too shall pass and I know it will and same goes for you as well
I welcome advice as well  (happy)

Indigo wrote:

SouthernFell wrote:

So I have been a long time lurker and have been using Lanie's techniques for quite some time but this is my first post as I'm feeling a little discouraged.

In the fall of last year I reconnected with a friend from college and it became romantic. Things we going great up until about a month ago, we had a decent sized blow up and he said that he didn't feel he could move beyond it. We agreed to stop talking but he immediately (within a day) came back and we have been rebuilding. I began using PW on him then to make sure we got over that hump, I was doing them through last week and everything was slowly getting better we were in a good place. He went out of town last weekend with some friends, and then yesterday I felt like things were different. I asked him about it and he avoided the question but eventually told me that he met someone on the trip he felt like he was interested in so his attention was focused elsewhere. He said he wants to focus his energy only on her but did not want to risk losing me and our friendship if we stopped working towards a relationship. I said I didn't think we could go back to being just friends given everything and that we should part ways.

I'm feeling really discouraged by this sudden change in behavior, I am trying to not doubt myself and the process but I'm finding that to be very difficult. Any suggestions? Is this type of thing common? In the past I have only used PW on people that I was not currently speaking to so the only change in behavior I saw was a positive one, is this par for the course? He is very very important to me for a number of reasons and I am devastated by all of this.

Any reassurance or tips would be really helpful and thank you for taking the time to read.
  

  
  
What is very very important is you, not him or anyone else.  You need to take
control of your emotions and decide whether or not you even want him back.  
Imagine how it would have gone over if you told him you "met" someone else
while you were out of town and now you want to focus all your energy on that.  
But you want him to wait and see what happens just in case.  He's got some
nerve even telling you that.

You did the absolute correct thing by telling him BYE, cutting things off and
not standing by for the standby (as we used to say in the olden days).  It is
important that he does not know that you give a care, and I am hoping that
you did not act desperate upon your separation.  

Have you read Lanie's books?  If not please do so ASAP.  BU2MU covers
NC, I highly recommend that you read up on that as well as all of the For
Women Only Series.

  
 

Thank you, I definitely needed to hear that. I have read two of Lainie's books but not BU2MU, I'll definitely check it out. No I don't think I acted desperate, I told him how shitty his behavior was and then said that we could not be friends. I do believe that I really want him back he does make me happy and I've never had a relationship like the one we had. I miss that. Oddly enough he sent me a video and then a couple photos yesterday, I did not respond to the messages. I'm not sure why he is trying to contact me? The whole thing is really confusing to me..

Thank you all for the advice, I've been in a really good place with myself up until today. I was in a really good head  space. Not initiating contact, feeling like I am in control and very confident. When he would reach out to me I would respond when I got around to it and was pleasant but not overly so.

Major setback in my mental today though, he asked me on sunday if I missed him and I ignored the question completely. We didn't have contact at all on monday or tuesday, my assumption is that he was irritated with my lack of response. Then today he asked "Do you miss me friend" and for some reason the fact that he added the word friend on the end of that statement really ruffled my feathers. I feel like all of the confidence, control, calmness etc has gone right out of the window.