My POI is not an ex. But if I can find a way to get in touch with him, surely he can do the same.

Claire_Bear wrote:

Sometimes you have to contact them first, but possibly that is in a situation where they are not an ex who has dumped you. I know I have had to make the first move in my situation, because I was the one with the contact details. (Mine is not an ex-back or emotional scenario so I can't liken my story to yours) - I would say that IS a success story. Also I was the one to make the first contact with my university boyfriend after many years and we're now very good friends. He was delighted I did. I see that as a success and not me as a failure because he didn't contact me first. We are adults and equals. 

I can see that if someone has been hurt and rejected, or cheated on, it is quite a different tale, though. 

I am generalising. Now don't get me wrong you're definitely within your rights to follow your instincts, glad it worked in your favor. But my thoughts are, and yes, generally speaking, if you can find their contact information they can do the same. And you think they would especially if they're feeling overwhelmed with thoughts of us. If I can dig through old phone bills, so can he. If I can do a FB search, so can he. When they want something bad enough they find a way...and they love doing it. Ps. The guy I did the test on found a way to contact ME. He let me know he thought about me everyday for months till he just couldn't handle it anymore.I feel my POI can and eventually will swallow his pride (or whatever the delay is) and do the contacting too.

Claire_Bear wrote:

Mrstkg - I wasn't generalising. I am just putting my situation out there. Everyone's situation is different, of course.

This was a person who wouldn't ever have thought of getting in touch with me first at all. If I hadn't done anything, nothing would have happened.  He would not have knocked on my door. I don't see that I have failed because I was the one who had to make the first contact. 

 

Last edited by mrstkg (5/11/2017 8:17 pm)

hellokitty wrote:

I'm confused, if you're contacting  men; hunting them down, and chasing after them; how was this a manifestation? Why even meditate when you can just call him up?

Hello, Kitty!

Your remarks above made me smile this morning. Chasing, hunting, oh my! 

My uncle's funeral is in a couple of hours and this gave me a much needed cheer-up. Perhaps I have derailed this post. though.

At University I had a very good friend, her name was - and still is actually! - Cathy. I haven't seen her since she left and married an American guy and moved there. I've often thought about her over the years and thought about getting in touch with her. She doesn't have my up to date address. Now, should I just focus on PW so that Cathy thinks about me and gets the idea of calling me after 16 years? Or, as I can find her husband's details on line, or even hers, do I drop him/her an email or message (as I met him too) and take it from there? And if that resulted in us being in touch, I guess by your analogy I would have failed. 

Or is that chasing, hunting down my friend and, yes, contacting her?  And how is it NOT a success story if you have achieved your objective, ie being back in touch with someone after a long time and being good friends again (note this is NOT romantic)

Now in the case of my uni boyfriend, the situation was exactly the same. I didn't hunt him down and I certainly didn't chase him. I wondered where he was, I googled him, and I found him on LinkedIn. I live in England, he now lives in the States. He moved there years ago, so he wasn't going to suddenly bump into me down the pub or knock on my door. I didn't meditate. I hadn't heard of Lanie then. But I did have occasional mini daydreams about him, I suppose, I thought about him. I sent him one message out of the blue (didn't chase, only contacted him once) the next time I thought of him and he replied.  We have been in regular contact since. Maybe I should have been RS-ing him instead, or RI-ing him actually as I wanted to be friends with him, and waiting for him to think of me. So how is that failure? It is certainly a manifestation as I got the result I wanted, I thought of it, and I created it. What I am saying is that SOMETIMES you have to take ACTION. But not always, and not in Issykitten's situation. Her action would be better spent on self-love and setting this ex aside for a while and then restarting PW. If she wants to, that is. 

Having said that, I did chase him when we split years ago and it made me very unhappy. Years later we are different people in different places (literally and geographically) and ready to be friends again. 

And how is it different because one is a male ex and one is a female friend?  Now I'm confused. The forum is about empowering women, I thought. 

I realise that in the original poster's situation, direct contact is not the right thing to do as he is an ex, there have been bad feelings and issues and she would be making things worse as she is not in the right place at the moment to do this.

And "why meditate when you can just call him up" - sometimes I think you have groundwork to do, in some situations.  Maybe "prepare" with using PW and BWD so that if you do make the first move (ie NOT in getting back an ex, but starting a new relationship with someone you don't perhaps know that well, as in my case), they are likely to "know" you and respond IF you make the first contact, are brave enough, and it feels right. I see that as just sensible. But it might not be necessary, of course. But if that is what you do, I don't see why it is a failure. 

But everyone's situation is different. I just threw mine in for discussion. Not to tell you what to do, but to tell you what I did in a different situation. Because not everyone here is after an ex, or after an ex in a romantic way. Or is that purely what it is for, because if so I will stop posting about anything that is not about romantic relationships.

Hope this makes sense. 

 

Last edited by Claire_Bear (5/12/2017 2:28 am)

hellokitty wrote:

I'm confused, if you're contacting  men; hunting them down, and chasing after them; how was this a manifestation? Why even meditate when you can just call him up?

A manifestation is when something you want is in your life.

For example, I know of a woman that wanted her ex-boyfriend back.  She believed in her heart that he was "the one" and "the love of her life". However,  he told her to move on time and time again. He told her that he hated her. She pursued him for years by constantly beating it into his head that they belonged together, lying and even "tricking" him to call her. Fast forward it pass all of that nonsense and they are not only back together, but they live together, have a baby and will be married next year.  Everything that he does, he does for her now. She manifested him.  Even though she set a trap for him to land in, he's there.

I think a more direct question for you would be "How did the relationship manifest BECAUSE of meditation, techniques etc if you pursued him?"

Been meaning to tell you thanks for this. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Gave me the inspiration I needed

Lj wrote:

http://www.mustsparkjoy.com/30-MIRE/

Read this (it's quite long). And if you still want to quit, then quit.
Best of luck.

Last edited by mrstkg (5/13/2017 1:20 pm)