So, people may not agree with this, but I'll say it anyways - mourn, and then pick yourself up and get busy working on what needs to be fixed. You need to get our of the victim mindset. Nothing is impossible. Everything is able to be fixed, it just may take more time. You are NOT a failure.

I wouldn't contact him, let him come to you. Carried on down my what you've been doing!
I've been working on myself a lot lately, back into working out, hanging out with friends etc and my ex (poi) spoke to me the other day for the 1st time in 2 months and then I noticed him looking at me whilst he was sitting with his new GF ( we all work together) before I would have freaked out by this and overthink about it but I haven't done, I've just let it go and carried on working on myself but I have no dont that this is all working just have to not worry it over think about it x

 It is so hard to do this but staying strong..

Last edited by Mikaela (4/14/2018 5:45 pm)

Mikaela wrote:

OK so I feel a bit guilty posting this uptade considering Lanie's recent post about negativity.
This is not really about being negative but some confusion on my part.
So my lover told me he loved, couldn't stop thinking about me, couldn't get over me and is almost sure he will regret it. But he STILL doesn't want to get back together. He is confused and afraid I will repeat the same mistakes again.
I told him why let me know then? Couldn't you just let me move on? He said he can't he doesn't want to lose me but also is too afraid.. 
I sense BS right there I don't know if he's genuine or just keeping me on the side. I told him I'm letting him go once again.. It was very painful for both of us.. But I feel like if he really loved me he would take a chance..
So I thought my only hope here is to remove myself completely from his life. He will either feel it and come to his senses or not.. Don't know what you guys think. I feel like I'm just spining my wheels by staying near him, he can't really experience the loss. 

I once read a story about a woman in the same situation as I am, her man clearly in love but unable to commit, unsure about them because of the fighting just like my guy. And when she finally put her foot down and went complete NC for a few weeks he finally realised what he had lost.

I'm not one to be the "bigger person", the longest I've been in NC is 5 days, I can't just stand the loss. But I feel like if I don't genuinely put my foot down and don't let him walk all over me with his false hope I will never have him back.. It is so hard to do this but staying strong..

First of all sweetie this is not a negative post. You are just seeking advice.

When a man is on the fence and going back and forth sometimes NC works best. He will be forced to make a decision, without you giving him an ultimatum, on his priorities. Obviously he loves you and doesn't want to lose you but he wants the whole shebang. Your love, his freedom and the ability to do what he pleases.

 if you want to commitment you need to make him decide to give it to you willingly.   Use the technique on him and then have fun in your life! Because you are connected to him 24/7 in a very special way, because of the technique, he will feel your vibrant energy when you are positive. And, he will be drawn to it! :-)

Mikaela wrote:

Thank you so much Hellokitty and Lanie!
Actually, the various posts that you have wrote Lanie about how you can't let a man have his cake and eat it too are what gave me the strenght to make this decision. You're abosutely right, I just realised he's been going back and forth for the past month. And trying to talk him out of it doesn't work, I've had enough!
If I really mean that much to him as he claims, he will come back to me once he realises I'm really moving on without him. He said he thinks about me moving on all the time but still that doesn't move him (of course how could he think I'm moving on when I let him know I miss him too everytime I get a text from him to see where he stands, so stupid of me ).  I think he needs a wake up call. 

I didn't know the technique connected us to them all day everyday! That's actually so important because then they can feel our daily vibe! Thank you Lanie you gave me hope I'm staying strong and not giving up on the technique, but moving on and healing a bit too.

Many times men will throw out a crumb to test the waters and see if you're still anxiously waiting. Just don't be so quick to be "all in". I remember my fiancé telling me, because I played it pretty cool, that he would dial my number and then put the phone in his pocket as if he had accidentally called me. Of course it was when he was out having fun at a club or with a group of people. He wanted to see my reaction.

 Make him desire you like he did in the beginning.   Men love to prove they are good enough to win your affection and love  And yes, you are connected to them in a special way so your thoughts affect them and theirs may affect you. :-)