Hey everyone! 

I'm new to the forums. I learned about Lanie through Youtube, I just purchased PW yesterday but I had been practicing some basic LOA over the past couple of months. I want to share my story just to introduce myself and perhaps ask for any tips to help me in my journey.

So I'm a guy, I met my (ex)boyfriend over 3 years ago while I was getting my master's degree in the US (I am a foreigner). The connection was intense, immediate, and magical. We became very close, very fast, basically soulmates. We both agreed that we had never experienced such a feeling of fulfillment; we both were able to be "alone together", feeling like we were independent but sharing a life together. We rarely argued, used to share so many interests, got to meet each others' friends and families and pretty much everyone thought we were going to get married. Of course, there were external circumstances that were putting pressure on the relationship: the fact that I was a foreigner and only there as a student created some sort of invisible deadline, there was also the distance factor (we both traveled often, and I ended up moving back to my home country last year after completing my studies, but we managed to stay together for a while). Anyways, we had survived so many trials and tribulations, and knew that deep down our connection was so strong that no one or nothing could break it apart, or so it seemed.

Fast-forward to 2.5 years into our relationship. I was hoping to get into an advanced academic program after the one I was enrolled in, but I found out I had not been admitted. We were both convinced I would get into that program, I'd be able to stay, and eventually we would get married. Marriage was a sensitive subject between us... for some reason, during our first year, we talked about it very openly, even calling each other "future hubby", but after the political changes that took place, it's almost as if it became a taboo topic and I started to notice he wanted me to find another reason to stay that was not marrying him. Fair enough, I decided to pursue my academic career, but as you can imagine, the level of stress for a foreigner is huge, and when I found out the program had rejected me, he finally proposed. It was a wonderful feeling, finally hearing the words (although they were on the phone and under such rushed circumstances). I told him that I definitely wanted to marry him but we had been adviced by an attorney not to do it under such a rush because it is not recommended for immigration purposes. I told him "Let me go back home for a while, let's stay together and let's get married soon." We agreed we would play by ear. He was convinced I was the one for him, and so was I. He kept saying "I love you for the long run" and our goodbye at the airport was straight out of a movie. At the time I was also dealing with things back home: my father was very ill, I had to take care of the family business, and of course I was not legally allowed to stay in the US any longer. So there really was no option -  I had to move back. 

Long story short -  three months after I move back home, I get a phone call from him. I definitely did not see it coming. Just a few days prior to that, we were planning a couple of trips, we were looking forward to living a new era in our relationship, but he was now letting me know he "did not know where things were headed." He quoted his mother, who apparently told him that "she also had a boyfriend of many years who she broke up with and then a few months later met his dad and got married." That certainly was not something I wanted to hear, as if he was being encouraged to dump me to find Mr. Right. Anyways, I was devastated, that phone call lasted at least 4 hours and I was probably crying, questioning him, begging him to at least go on a trip together to figure things out. It was pointless, he had made up his mind and that was that. 

I sent him very long emails, pouring my heart out, explaining how he had given me the best years of my life and basically asking him to meet again to at least talk things through. He seemed flaky about meeting in person - first he agreed to come to my hometown, but then he used work as an excuse (I am sure he made it up because it is something he would do often). A month later I ended up going to his town, to pick up some of my belongings (and of course to talk to him). He seemed different, a bit off, too serious, almost as if he was controlling himself not to give in to me.. Surprisingly, he accepted my dinner invitation and it all seemed like the good old days. I really felt the spark was there. I slept at a hotel but we met again the next day and he told me "I told my parents that we had dinner yesterday and how you're such a great guy! My mom says she sends you a hug." It was a bit odd.. almost like he still liked me but SHE (the mother) was sort of influencing his decision.

Anyways, that was back in September. Since then, I've tried everything. No contact, meditation, LOA... He has reached out a couple of times (on my birthday, when my pet died, when I was almost involved in an accident, and when I completed a project). He also ALWAYS checks out all of my social media stories, almost immediately. I know he obviously thinks of me, but for some reason we don't talk at all. I am afraid of starting a conversation that could only push him away, that could come across as desperate or needy. 

What is strange is that EVERY single night, I dream of him. It's intense, it is beautiful, and sometimes it is draining. I feel him with me. Sometimes I like to think this time we've been apart was designed for us to grow and work on our individual projects, to then come back in the future. He even told me that on one occasion: "I think you might be a little bit lost at the moment but in a few years you will be in a better place." 

I really miss him. I don't think anyone has ever known me as well as he has. Now, I am almost finished with Lanie's book and I have so much faith in her technique based on what I have read on these forums. I am a firm believer of dreams.. I KNOW they must mean something. I feel like I've seen the future and I know eventually he will realize he made a mistake and will want us to get back together. I also know that will happen when we are both a little bit more mature and in a better place individually. 

I'd like to know if any of you have advice for me. This is a long-distance case and I know it might be a bit more challenging but I believe nothing is impossible. 

Thanks for your attention and I hope to hear from you. 

Last edited by Sscca (3/23/2019 3:55 am)