Lanie Stevens, Author -- "Empowering Women Forum" -

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9/17/2020 2:49 am  #1

Cutting the Cord Queries and is it necessary in my situation?

I would like to know a bit more about this before I actually try it and wonder if it is necessary.  Long story short, reconnected with an ex from when we were 19 and 20. We broke up over a misunderstanding - this was many many years ago. We have been chatting a lot on Messenger for over two months now on a daily basis.

It all started as general chit chat and catching up but then progressed with him taking the initiative at first. He has told me he cannot stop thinking about me, wishes I was there, says a lot of all the right things. He lives only 8 miles from me but works away (150 miles) in the week. He is the only one of my exes I have kept in my heart and was really the one that got away.  But though he has messaged me several times a day, sent photos, requested me as a FB friend, messages several times a day with all kinds of messages (general stuff, about work, chit chat, football, some sauciness that I have tried to downplay at the moment and a voice message - albeit in response to mine) I want to a) speak to him properly on the phone and b) actually see him. I told him twice I want to actually have a proper phone conversation but he hasn't said anything about this.

I don't want a constant stream of messages and that be it. Neither do I want to nag. There is daily contact but I know I deserve more than just being in a text relationship!  I was absolutely devastated when things didn't work out before and I know I was too passive with him. I don't want that this time, but neither do I want to be overly pushy either. 

I started doing PW but I wondered about doing CTC because of me thinking negatively over the past week. For instance one of my friends says he is just doing this for a laugh, amusing himself because he is bored working away, he is probably a player, mucking me about, playing games etc. I then end up checking my phone to see if he has been in touch and if it is a short message, start worrying that he is "e-tethering" as my friend put it. But I don't see the point of doing that. I really do want this to be different from the last time with him, but I am afraid of the CTC causing distance between us so would like some advice on what I should do. 

9/20/2020 11:04 pm  #2

Re: Cutting the Cord Queries and is it necessary in my situation?

Cutting the Cord empowers you and prevents you from feeling over-stressed, worried, fretful and fearing the worst.  Negative thoughts are easily transferred to the other person so it also keeps negativity contained so he won't feel it.  It doesn't cause distance between you but it will and you control it.  If you feel that you need to reconnect you can do it easily by just intentionally connecting OR meditating and using the technique.  :-)

9/21/2020 3:33 am  #3

Re: Cutting the Cord Queries and is it necessary in my situation?

I have now done that, Lanie, because I was starting to become anxious and worrying if he didn't pick up messages etc as there has been less interaction over this weekend and it has been raising alarm bells for me and making my mind go in overdrive, particularly when it has been so intense for some weeks. Instead of watching him turn and walk away, though, I turned and walked away myself, making it my decision. 

I don't feel magically perfect after doing this though and I hope over the next few days I will start to feel better. I don't want him to feel anything negative in connection to me, or stop thinking of me. But if he wants me, he has to step up. 

     Thread Starter

9/22/2020 8:13 pm  #4

Re: Cutting the Cord Queries and is it necessary in my situation?

I'm proud of you!  What you did was reverse seduction and it works.  :-)

9/23/2020 9:22 am  #5

Re: Cutting the Cord Queries and is it necessary in my situation?

Hi Lanie thanks. He has kept in touch with me daily but over the last couple of days, I have to be honest and say it is with less frequency and less content. I really don't know why because it all changed from such brilliant contact, along with good morning/goodnight messages to very little over the last week. 

I have decided to stop contacting him for a while. Heard nothing today. I've stopped responding now, and feel I need to take some time out for things. Yes I am worried I will admit that. Would you advise doing the secret technique during no contact alongside zero actual real contact and not checking whether he has been in touch? What effect would that have and would it mess with no contact objectives?


     Thread Starter

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