Posted by Sunshhine14  2/20/2017 4:46 am | #21 |
Indigo wrote:
Thankyou for your replies, everyone.
I'm just going to let this go. I'm hurting a lot over this and I don't want to carry on this way. I'm also feeling angry at him now. I don't know yet whether I'll bother doing any more PW on him, but right now I'm not in the right frame of mind for it.
What I don't understand is, if we have split up, why is he still liking all my FB posts, sending me that invitation to like the wedding clothes, etc? And why did he contact me to say thank you for liking his post but never taking it any further when I was friendly? I mean, only half an hour ago I posted some photos of my town, and when I came back online just now I found he had liked the lot of them. But still he is silent. I really don't get it. I just don't know what's on his mind.
Guess I'm over-thinking, but right now I can't help it.
It is perfectly okay to meet someone online, that is not the issue. I met a man online years
ago and we became real life friends. We met in person pretty quickly after making contact,
sending emails, exchanging snail mail, talking on the telephone, and making plans to meet.
All of that occurred within a couple months. We traveled to see each other and everything
was great but in the end it did not turn into a meaningful relationship but we are still friends
today. One year is plenty enough time to actually meet that person in real life if he is truly
serious about having a relationship with you.
If you ended the relationship and he continues to follow you, it is either because he has got
issues or he has nothing better to do. The most important thing is that you have realized
that this is not a healthy relationship and that there is no future here.
ALL that matters is YOU!
We all want to support you get through this and if we seem critical it is only because of that.
Yeah I get your point but he didn't broach the subject of romance immediately. He had a gf and I am even now also seeing someone else. I knew he liked me and there was chemistry, but for a long time we would talk simply as friends. And I also shared emails with him and we sometimes did videochat. I'm sorry, I didn't mention all that because I felt I was already making the post too long as it was.
Everyone seems to think he's really weird, but during the time of our friendship he was perfectly normal and nice. We were planning to meet and he wanted even very early on in the friendship to come and visit me (we are long distance), but because I have some family issues I said it wasn't the right moment. I also thought that, since his idea was to marry in early 2019, that would give me plenty of time to make my final decision about going through with any lifelong commitment, and yes, we were going to meet before that. He was asking me if it was ok for us to live with his parents, and we talked about various practicalities. It wasn't like he suddenly said "hi, my name is...please marry me"; it wasnt like that . Of course I wasn't just going to jump right in and marry him without getting to know him in person. I knew decisions would have had to be made based on what we thought of each other in real life. But I just wanted to have the chance to find out.
Him not wanting me to talk to other guys, I perfectly understand it. So many times I have had friends of mine coming to me all upset because their guy is talking to this or that girl on social media. I myself used to drive myself crazy with the female friends an ex of mine had. The wanting my fb password and his reaction when I refused to give it was the only misgiving I had. That was unacceptable to me and of course I refused. But to be honest I also got very angry at him and was really overreacting when I told him it was all over. He got all huffed up and then so did I.
But in any case, I'm not going to contact him so I guess that's the end of it.
Last edited by Sunshhine14 (2/20/2017 4:47 am)
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Posted by Sunshhine14 2/20/2017 5:04 am | #22 |
You have never met the guy, you really do not know him. You can't marry someone you have only met on line and the interaction has been liking posts? I can't believe what I am reading! Please take care. He sounds very strange.
No, the interaction has not been just liking posts. Maybe I haven't made myself clear. As I explained earlier we talked a lot and were getting to know each other over the past year. More recently it got romantic. It's not so unusual. Many people have had internet romances and met their partners that way. I don't see it as such a big deal.
Of course, and I am not criticising that, but surely you usually only talk about marriage after having met in person a good number of times? It's not having a go, it is just that I can't understand being romantic with someone you've not met personally.
Yeah I know you're trying to help me and I really do appreciate it.
He wanted to meet a long time ago - long before he mentioned the subject of love. He was always mentioning it but I put him off because of some stuff going on in my life right now.
The nearest we got to "meeting" was videochat. But that was ok with me. That was enough for me to feel sufficient closeness to him in th short-term. I have to say that there is no way I would have just married him without meeting him first. We needed to spend time together.
Last edited by Sunshhine14 (2/20/2017 5:05 am)
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Posted by StrawberryKitten 3/06/2017 8:09 am | #23 |
I haven't read any replies yet, so forgive me if I say what has possibly been said already. I feel compelled to reply to this. PLEASE think this over very carefully. This man shows red flags of being an abuser.
I can say this with experience because I still am not fully rid of mine yet. We are split up, but I still worry. Abusers come on strong and fast. They are oh so in love with you and they want to marry you like, yesterday.
Stop and ask yourself why ? Yes, you are a lovely, beautiful woman, I'm sure ! But he doesn't know you all like that, you should really want to know someone well before that level of commitment.
They seem to center their life around you and at first we find that flattering. We find it flattering when they get jealous too. Trust me...that will wear off and it will not be so cute. When he scares your friends away and gets mad at you if you want to see your family, you will not be flattered.
His jealousy will make your life a living hell, I promise. Mine got so jealous over a FEMALE friend of mine ( and no, neither of us swing that way..not that there is anything wrong with that, just pointing out how unreasonable he was ) that he strangled me until I was unconscious.
Imagine having theman that you thought loved you, squeezing the breath out of you, and being sure that you would never wake up as you started to feel lightheaded. He strangled me often, but that was the worst.
I quit a job that I loved because he kept walking there, waiting for me to clock out, and it scared people because he would crouch beside my car. These are just a few examples of what life could be like for you if you marry this man or even continue with him.
You never met yet ? Awesome, you have a prime opportunity here to get away. Tell him you moved away to another state and block him from everything, change your number. It sounds drastic but this man is bad news, from what you said.
You don't have to take my advice, obviously, but I truly hope, deep in my soul, that you will. You deserve a gentle, kind man who loves you in the way that you deserve to be loved. Please do some reading up on red flags of abusive relationships, okay ?
Please at least do that...I'm literally begging you to. No one deserves to be put through one.
Last edited by StrawberryKitten (3/06/2017 8:11 am)
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Posted by Avaelle 3/07/2017 9:19 am | #24 |
Hey,
I just read your situation. As I read it, red flags and signs that this guy is no good were steadily going off. Here's what I got from it -
- It seems like he was prepping you to block his ex-girlfriend. That would tell me that he's still involved with her or she would be coming to warn you.
- Him asking if he can talk to you regularly lets me know that he is going to annoy the crap out of you. There is no reason to need to specify to someone the volume of messages that you plan to make.
There are also signs that he is possessive, controlling, jealous and he may possible be a Narc. Narcs lovebomb you so that they can get into your heart really good and then they start to abuse you.
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