Posted by Orange  11/10/2019 6:05 pm | #1 |
Sooo I was with my ex close to 10 years ago. It ended because I took him for granted and was dealing with issues from childhood etc. My mental health was bad. I wasn't a great girlfriend eventho I loved him a lot and he couldn't with it. We were together around a year or a bit more and lived together, were close to each other's family etc. he ended things with me, but he was upset about it, he cried. Honestly he is the sweetest man I've met. He really tried with me.
We didn't have ANY contact until 2 years ago, when he randomly text me on Facebook. Around this time I had been using PW and BWD on someone totally different. Ex wasn't even on my mind one bit. I can't even remember the conversations much, but I know he got really sexual in general. He told me he was on a break or something with his girlfriend. I actually can't remember if he said a break or they actually broke up for a while idk. I was dealing with emotions about the guy I liked then (,total idiot btw) and was getting annoyed with ex's msgs. And I just didn't really care lol. Don't get me wrong, ive always had love for him and took me a long time to move on , but I had excepted we were overs years ago! I ended up blocking him after a few days. I blame the sexual chat on the BWD, cause it was out of character for him! I know he wasn't my target, but I've read about people from past picking up the energy and reaching out, and I experienced that with a few other guys too.
So that was that. I did see him about a year later hand in hand with his girlfriend, so knew they had got back together. Fast forward to just 3 weeks ago. I bumped into this guy and I knew I knew him. I recognised the face and the name on his tag, but couldn't for the life of me remember how I knew him. I think it must have been in my subconscious cause a week after that I started thinking about the ex. When I decided to msg him I remembered it was his friend! Anyway. Yes I decided to msg him on Facebook 2 weeks ago, I wasn't overly bothered if he replied but I thought it'd be nice if he was single cause he really was such a great person. It would be nice to have a second chance. His relationship status was not visible on his profile and everything except his profile pic was private .
I reached out just saying hello and he replied within 10 mins. We just had small talk basically . Did some snooping and quickly worked out he was in a relationship with the same woman. I was prepared for that convo to be the last. But a couple of days later he initiated. So basically we would talk almost daily and he would do most of the initiating and also we would keep the convo going etc. He seemed to be initiating contact with silly little things like "did you get Halloween candy" "are you looking forward to fireworks" it seemed he just wanted to talk a lot. The conversations were never sexual, they were friendly, but I felt like they had affectionate undertones and maybe slightly flirty undertones too. But nothing OTT sure. But I mean, we would text at 11 at night sometimes, eventho he lives with his gf. We even text around 50-60 msgs on a few nights! Idk his gf but personally if I was her and knew he was texting an ex the much i wouldn't be over the moon. I can only assume she didn't know. If it was any other man I wouldn't have kept texting him. But it was him. I even asked if he wanted to stop talking since he has a gf, he said no.
A week ago I had started using Lanie's techniques, cause I wanted to hear he misses me, has feelings etc. Things on the outside remained the same, but the sessions were quite intense. I felt a lot of emotions in them. I felt like he would've felt them too. Fast forward to yesterday evening. I changed my fb profile pic, and he text within minutes (we hadn't been talking that day yet) saying new profile pic with a thumbs up emoji. I replied with the eyes emoji and he replied with one glass emoji, like when you are inspecting something. I had had a few drinks and I acted on my emotions. I told him I have feelings for him again. He said "well I don't feel the same" so I asked why he text me so much and he said "I thought you wanted to be friends, sorry if I have you that impression" I said it doesn't make a lot of sense cause I don't talk to friends daily esp not male, but I guess we are different there. I then basicaly said I'm glad he's happy, sorry for the past and if it was now I think it could be perfect and I'd never take you for granted. That has to be my last words cause it's hurting. He replied saying "don't be sorry it's all experience and makes us stronger, there were good times too and I hope your family are well as well, good luck" and at some point between after then and this morning he blocked me.
So that's the current reality. I'm blocked and he apparently doesn't have feelings. Last night I cried all night. Today I'm still feeling a bit sad, but I'm not convinced. Am I crazy to think wanting to talk to an ex, or a friend, so much isn't really usual behaviour? In person he's more introverted type so I don't understand the want/need to talk as much if no feelings. Anyone I asked for advice, said they don't think he'd be talking so much if there wasn't feelings. I just feel like it's not over yet. I haven't blocked him back and I'm going to keep doing Lanie's techniques every day. I really hope i can report back with a success story! Any thoughts and/or advice on my situation would be amazing! I'm trying to remain positive,but of course it's hard when such things happens.
Last edited by Orange (11/15/2019 7:26 am)
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Posted by Orange 11/15/2019 9:34 am | #2 |
I know nobody has replied yet,but I'm going to use this as a kind of diary. Also it will help someone down the line, cause I promise this will be a success story.
So let me get some negative out of the way. I regret so much telling Mr S how I feel and saying they were my last words. I wish I had just gone with the flow and used the techniques while being in contact. All is not over though I know. I would like to get my worry out, so I can concentrate on the positive. I'm worried he won't contact cause 1. I said it's hurting me. 2. I called him out on texting me a lot and initiating. I think this will be his resistance. Those are my worries I'm trying to get over.
I miss talking to him so much. At this point I'm not even lying,that I would be happy having him as a friend at least. Yes I want more and I know I will get more, but I just want the contact back full stop! I guess I'm saying waiting is HARD! I would not recommend doing this unless you are sure the POI is worth it! Or you are at least very detached and its just a bit of fun.
On the more positive, I still keep thinking about how much he DID want to talk to me. And I'm sure he is missing it too! It became a thing for a couple of week, so yeah that along with the techniques he's missing me surely. I tried to look at it from an outside prospective. If a friend or a stranger had told me the full story, asked for my opinion, I would say it sounds like he does have feelings but he got scared when you (I) put it out in the open. Maybe he thought it was safe when it wasn't spoken about. But then when he knew for sure I have feelings,he thought he had to nip it in the bud and the best way is to deny and run away. He's probably feeling guilty on his girlfriend, cause he's really a great guy. But we are not going to cheat, he is fully mine 😃
A few days ago, I woke up with a very random song in my head. I haven't heard or thought about the song, or band, in YEARS. The song is about loving and hating an ex at the same time. I sure don't hate him and I hope he doesn't hate me! Haha.it maybe nothing, but thought it's worth noting. An old film we had been talking about was mentioned on a game show. No big deal, but I hadn't been paying attention to the show but was drawn to that question. I've been seeing repeated numbers like 1111 2222 4444 etc.
Wednesday I didn't do any techniques. I just wasn't in the mood, plus the previous couple sessions weren't great. I just didn't feel the emotions that well. But late last night I did kinda a mix of PW and BWD. I felt a lot of emotion, we felt really connected. In fact when I called his name, I swear he turned and smiled by himself . It did not feel like I was controlling that. Also I said to him "I'm imagining you with your old hairstyle, cause it's easier me to visualise", and I SWEAR he laughed by himself!!! It was just... different.
But after that, I was real restless. I kept waking up with him on my mind heavily. I then had a dream about him, the first dream about him in years. We we met up and was hanging out a couple of times, but both times he just disappeared. I was trying to figure out why and where he had gone . That unfortunately tells me that I'm still focusing too much on lack. Gotta change that!
I was having him say "I'm still in love with you" ",you are the one I want to be in a relationship with" etc. but I've decided to start smaller. It's easier for me to believe and I believe it will break his resistance. So the plan for now... have him say "I miss talking to you" "I love talking to you" "my life is better with you in it" I tell him "I miss you too" "I would love to hear from you" "unblock me and send me a message" "a hello is fine," I'm just wanting to be unblocked for starters! I will do this once or twice daily, unless I'm really not in the right mood!
I will also do a bit of BWD, maybe once or twice a week. But I'm not going to overdo it at this point. I will listen to subliminals a few times a week. There's a "make him obsessed with you" and "get contact from an ex" that people have had good success with. I will also visualise daily a text from him coming through and me being unblocked.
I will try to let go more and be in the present. When he does come into my mind, when I start to worry, I will tell myself "he is mine," "he is thinking of me" "I trust the universe" and just visualise nice things related to him/us. I will not keep looking to see if he's unblocked me. I find that hard, so to be fair on myself I will allow myself to check just once a day for now instead of several! I will only check the 3rd parties fb every few days until I'm totally ready to stop! I know I should stop completely and I will try,but for now I'll do it a lot less AT LEAST.
These are my plans for now. If I don't get the desired results in a few weeks, I might just go back to going full on "I'm still in love with you" again and be more patient Idk. Be back soon!
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Posted by Orange1 11/25/2019 9:30 pm | #3 |
Here I am talking to myself again. 😂 It helps to get thoughts out and see progression. I hope it's not a problem to use it as a diary! Also I've forgotten my password, will look for it later!
So I didn't really stick with the plan. Using the techniques just for getting a text wasn't really producing the same emotions. So I went back to having him say more intense things, like being in love with me and wanting a relationship with me etc. It produces stronger emotions. Also I figure we are where we are at anyway, he has "ran away," so might as well go all in. Also I wouldn't be surprised if after how things were left, he doesn't contact me until he CANNOT hold it in anymore. Pretty sure he thinks he's doing me a favour , since I'm the one who basicaly said I wanted NC. No worries, he will crack anyway.
I've also been using BWD a lot more than I planned originally . Cause, well... it's fun haha. I don't do it every single day, but a lot. I'm doing PW evey day, usually twice. One day I did do it 3 times. I definitely think I'm getting better. My visualisations seem more "real" like I'm in the moment. So notable things...
Friday night, I had a dream I was in a pub that we went to together in the early days of our relationship. I was even sitting in the same place, up at the bar. I had visualised this in my positive love visualisations just before sleeping so makes sense. But I was alone and we were texting. He mentioned something about a wedding and I asked if he's getting married. He sent me the "hand over mouth" emoji, like he's not telling or whatever. I asked again but he didn't reply. It was NOT good emotions when I woke up! I had a nice session the night before, but I guess it's just shtty subconscious stuff!
Saturday was a horrible day. Just very very down. Missing him life crazy and seriously considering contacting him via another account. I'm so glad I didn't! But I've had these thoughts a few times now. Like I just wanna talk to him RIGHT NOW! Say I made a mistake, pls be my friend. I rode it out. I then went to the 3rd parties (I do not want to use the G word) fb profile. She had updated her pic and I stupidly clicked her likes, seen he had "loved" it and it sent me further down. Silly I know, but we all have those moments eh. That's when I decided I need to do my best to stay off damn fb. I could still see when Mr S is online messenger. So I got rid of the thread and now I cannot. I made a pact to myself to not look at her profile as best I can .
before I went to sleep, I asked for a dream and a sign relating to Mr S. Well my dream was that we were texting yet again. But this time w were planning on meeting up. I'm not sure if it was romantic context or not. He was helping me with documents for driving lessons. No this could be a HUGE sign! Cause years ago before I met him, my mum went to a psychic. She talked a bit about her family too. She said I would meet my husband, or the love of my life (can't remember exact wording) when I take driving lessons. I have no idea why then. But apparently he would be something related to driving lesson. Now even tho I'm a grown woman, I have not had driving lessons as I've not needed a car where I am. So there's two ways of looking at this dream. Maybe it's telling me he is "that one" somehow. Or that he's leading me to "the one"? Well I believe we make our own reality, future etc. so I don't believe I have a "one" waiting for me to take lessons haha. But I do believe that dream was linking it to that. And that this man is a very important person in my life. 😊
Sunday was much better. I was with family and my mind was more occupied and I was just more positive in general. That night I had a dream that we were actually TOGETHER and cuddling! I was telling him that I had missed him, but that's all I remember. And today has been a pretty good day too. I dreamed about him 3 nights in a row! That's crazy to me, I don't think I've ever dreamed about someone as much as that before! Also each dream is getting better. IT started with negative, him disappearing, then hinting at marriage, then we were gonna meet, and then we were together cuddling haha . It makes me kook forward to what's the next dream. I'm writing the dreams down as soon as I wake.
I'm still seeing the repeated numbers. But I'm not looking out for them. A couple of times now I've had a very random surge of sexual energy. It's quite difficult to explain, but if you've experienced it you know it's totally different to general getting turned on feelings. It's more random and it's a energy all throughout the body and you automatically think of the person and it's quite overwhelming. There's zero doubt in my mind it can be anything other than BWD/PW related. And it's most probably how our POI 's feel. I'm guessing he was thinking of me or something at the time. But damn it's an experience! I had a man message me on fb asking if I'm alright. Apparently he's on my friends list, but it was pretty random cause I've never talked to him before and I've not been active on there at all. Also a female friend from years ago msged me, I haven't heard from her in a few years.
At this point, I really honestly believe that he will be back. I believe that he has warm feelings towards me. I believe he can see how much I've changed for the good, how it could be how he always wanted it to be. That has to be so tempting for him. I believe if 3rd party wasn't around he would give us another chance. The catch is...WHEN. that's what I really need to let go off. I know I cannot wait around counting days down praying things fall apart with 3rd party. All I can do is do my manifesting and then let it go as best as I can. I believe we will find each other in the right time for us both. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY want it to be tomorrow so much! But I won't let my mental health fvk up waiting.
I've toyed with the idea of dating. It would be nice to have company etc. But honestly, I browsed on dating apps couple of days ago and was just like nah. I don't have a real interest right now in anyone else. I'm not going to force it, but if it happens then whatever . But hopefully I will be dating Mr S again sooner than later instead 😊 we are so well suited, the problems we had in the past wouldn't be issues now. I do miss him (trying to not focus my energy there tho) but I do have an advantage over a lot of people using these techniques. I know I can live without him, cause I have for years! I've had relationships and heartbreaks and feelings for others since. Through all my experiences since him, he was the best man I had in my life. But I still know I CAN live without him. I just would rather not.
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Posted by Orange1 11/05/2020 8:14 pm | #4 |
Wow, so... a few weeks after my last post above, I gave up on doing the techniques. I was just tired and done with it. I started thinking less and less of him, until eventually I totally let go of the desire and hardly thought about him anymore. I dated someone since talking to him, but it didn't work out. I've been doing the techniques on a new guy. I checked his fb to see if I was unblocked maybe like 5 times since?
Well today, almost a year after writing this thread I got a very random thought pop in my head "I wonder if S has unblocked me" lol, so I look not expecting him to at all and HE HAS!!! I actually laughed so much, it was funny to me. After that time of obsession and pain, where I would've sold my kidney just for an unblock or a msg, he has done the first part of course when I didn't care.
THE LETTING GO IS SO REAL!!! things will come to you when you let it goooo.
I think I last looked if he had unblocked me like a few months ago, so it's been within that time. Could've been today for all I know! It's around the same time last year we were talking, so I wonder if that sparked memories or something for him. NEXT... a msg from him. I'm going to start doing pw/bwd/msg visualisation again. But NOT with OBSESSION. I actually already planned to do them on a few different guys for fun and experiment. it's just I know my mind is magic and I can get him to msg me next and I can laugh again at my power hehe ;) when he comes back, it's friendly but casual unattached vibes from me, he will be wondering who tf I am in a good way!!!
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Posted by Orange1 7/31/2021 7:24 pm | #6 |
Rebeca G. wrote:
This thread was fun to read. Thanks for posting.
Thanks, Rebeca! I forgot about this thread but decided to check out the forum and then remembered haha. Wow it's been a long time so a lot to unpack. But I will try to keep it as short and to the point as possible.
A week or so after realising I was unblocked, I had that inspired action feeling of contacting him first. I know I wanted him to contact me first, but thought whatever I'll just go with it. I sent a friendly message asking if he wanted to be friends. He sent a very welcoming message back asking how I am etc. We caught up on how each other are and made sure our families are all Covid free etc. For a while it was slowerthan usual and like he was keeping a bit of distance between us. I let it happen while still doing the techniques. In time it went back to normal with us chit chatting more like friends again, sending links each other would like etc. It still seemed like we weren't letting things get deeper than the surface tho which was frustrating for me.
Well one night I was feeling sorry myself and pissed with him. I sent him a kinda b*chy message asking why he even unblocked me. I know I know guys... Why??? He told me how he unblocked a few people from his past. I said how are situation was different. He said he was starting to feel like it was a bad idea. I then sent an emotional message how I just wanted a deeper understanding of of him and what happened in the past and how I never got closure the first time he abandoned me ( yes I used that word cause that's how it felt.)
It was like I had opened some floodgates or something. He said he didn't know I felt that he has abandoned me, how he was sorry I felt that way. How he did love me back then but couldn't cope with my mental health problems etc.told me how he didn't understand it back then, but now he does cause he had an accident that left him with some mental health issues. We opened up more about the past. I said I forgive him and he did the right thing back then leaving me, but it's such a shame etc. He kept saying how he just couldn't cope and it was stressful for him but he hated hurting me. He even said we could continue these conversations if I wish.
That was around 6 months ago and since that conversation we are much more closer. I feel he trusts me now and letting our bond grow deeper. I did start a relationship with someone else a few months ago so I had to have some boundaries for myself and didn't continue the meditations. But we still kept in touch. Also a few dreams about him in that time (with lots of cuddling!) This guy ended up being a cruel narcissist and hurting me deeply. I leaned on Mr S emotionally about it when it ended and he was so sorry and comforting. He leans on me emotionally too and tells me about his mental health and his family members illness. It's getting deeper every time with us. I no longer tell him in the 3D world how I want more with him. I just be his friend and let it grow.
You guys, I don't know why I done this tonight but I hope it pays off. I've been getting this nagging "voice" the past few days telling me to come off the fb app we use (I only really use it for him) and give him my number. So tonight I just went with it. I'm like OK I guess. I messaged him that I was coming off the app for the foreseeable future, but here's my number if you want to keep in touch through text. He quickly replied asking if I'm doing OK and that he wants me to come back stronger and take care of myself. I replied not really it comes in waves. You know where I am, keep my number. No reply to that and I've uninstalled the app like the universe apparently wants me to *shrugs* I think he's trying to reject my number politely right now cause of the third party. But all I can say is his vibe is so different with me these days. Like he's protective of me. I believe he will give in and contact my number with a little help from the LOA. I don't know why the universe wants this, but here we are.
