Posted by wanderlusting  12/19/2016 9:25 am | #1 |
So, I am posting an update on my situation. I haven't been active on here in quite some time since last month but I wanted to let you all know that I was able to manifest him back to me and into my life. He started calling me, texting me every day, and then started showing up at my house when I wouldn't respond to him. Of course, I was doing the NC rule at the time because I needed to heal and let me emotions settle so I wouldn't push him away again. We hung out probably about 5x over the course of the past month. One of those nights, was exactly like I had written in my journal through the visualization process and it was so beautiful. We talked many times while hanging out and he told me that he still loves me, wants a future with me, is exclusive to me only, told me how happy I made him, and that he wanted to continue talking and seeing each other. He told me that he wanted us to work on ourselves individually while working towards being in a relationship again. All of the things I imagined hearing from him, I finally got exactly that. Unfortunately, I have been going through a lot of things in my own personal world and while we were talking 3 weeks ago, I ended up getting offended by something he said and told him that I needed to take a breather and take a step back because I didn't want to let my emotions take control of the situation. Later that night he messaged me and told me he was going to let me go and that he wished me well, creating more of a bigger problem, which in turn led to an argument. To make a long story short, things haven't been the same since then. He is very hit and miss with messaging me and we haven't seen or hung out with each other since. He stopped complimenting me, stopped telling me he loves me and misses me, and pretty much so has disappeared out of my life. The last time I spoke to him two weeks ago, he told me that he realizes that I haven't changed and he was re-affirmed on making the right decision to end things between us. So now, I feel stuck. I have been practicing yoga, doing meditation, visualizations, writing, positive affirmations, loa kinds of stuff, and still, no changes and no improvement. I kind of feel like he came back into my life to get what he wanted from me and then once he had it, disappear. I do know that for over a month now, he has been partying and going out every week, sometimes multiple times a week, drinking and getting drunk, meeting new girls, and I know for sure back in October, he did hook up with someone else. Not sure if that is happening now but I know the last time he did this to me, this was that other girl he was hooking up with. So it leaves my mind to wonder and I know I shouldn't because it will only make me feel worse and it will only manifest that happening. I am needing advice on what to do because I feel like I am reliving the break up once again after I was doing so well and moving forward with my life. I do still love him and want to be with him but his damn free will is making it difficult because we aren't on the same page anymore.
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Posted by emmiline 12/19/2016 3:30 pm | #2 |
Hi sweetie, thanks for updating us with your progress.
What exactly is he frustrated by, you telling him you need a breather? Now he is pinning it on you complaining you havent changed? He needs to get it together. From what im reading you are investing a lot in your personal growth and that is wonderful. I dont think he can handle you, and if he deals with his issues by partying, getting wasted and hooking up with random women - you are dodging a bullet here. Ask yourself why do you want to be on the same page with someone like that? i dont think he is mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
All advice given is intended in the best interest of whomever I may be replying to & my opinions may not necessarily reflect those of the wider community on the forum.
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Posted by Aphrodite11 12/20/2016 3:06 am | #3 |
emmiline wrote:
Hi sweetie, thanks for updating us with your progress.
What exactly is he frustrated by, you telling him you need a breather? Now he is pinning it on you complaining you havent changed? He needs to get it together. From what im reading you are investing a lot in your personal growth and that is wonderful. I dont think he can handle you, and if he deals with his issues by partying, getting wasted and hooking up with random women - you are dodging a bullet here. Ask yourself why do you want to be on the same page with someone like that? i dont think he is mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
Very good reply. Very well said. Drinking, partying and sleeping around instead of dealing with the issues is not how you handle anything. He isn't making any personal growth by doing all this.
RISE
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Posted by BettyBlue 12/20/2016 9:53 am | #5 |
I agree with what Aphrodite11 and emmiline have said here.
I also think he is doing this to punish you and have emmotional control over you. He is making a total dickhead of himself with the partying and the other (meaningless) women. He is desperately lashing out at you for the pain he is feeling and he is also wanting your attention very badly - even if it is bad attention. It's the behaviour of a naughty child trying everything to get a reaction from the mommie who is ignoring him.
This guy's heart is so clearly yours, so be cool, carry on with the pw and any of the other things you have been doing, and go about your life as usual.
Oh and one more thing: although it does take two to tango when a relationship breaks down, he seemed to be a little too insistant about your needing to change and work on yourself. From where I see it you have been working on yourself beautifully. If anything, the one who needs to change is him, not you.
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Posted by wanderlusting 12/23/2016 5:41 am | #6 |
Thanks for your comment. I did happen to see him the other night when I was downtown working on photography and he met up with me because he wanted to see me and I agreed so that we could talk. He told me that he has been focusing on himself lately, hasn't been doing the going out thing hardly anymore or really drinking, and that there hasn't been other girls either. He did tell me that he is going to work on himself and that he is also going to go to therapy to try and change his ways. He told me that while he still loves me and his feelings haven't changed, that he isn't going to act upon them and that instead of working towards a relationship, that we need to work towards us getting along first because he doesn't entertain a future because of that. He admits that he does hold a lot of grudges against me from our relationship. He said that he just doesn't want a relationship right now and that while he knows that he was really selfish in our relationship and it caused problems, he is embracing his selfishness right now. I guess he just wants to get his life together and in order before entertaining the idea of us getting back together. He has been texting me the past couple of days and trying to see me but I keep turning him down because I still need to work on myself and have higher priorities and I don't want the drama or the tension. I want him to be able to see me in a positive light and I know that it is going to take some time in doing so. He did disappear last night from texting after I said that I didn't want arguing or drama and wanted to have a good night when I rejected his invite to go to his house because I could feel some hostility through texting because he is stressed out with doing art work for presents this year for Christmas. If there is one thing that my therapist has told me, the only thing he is consistent at, is being inconsistent. I get so confused because I feel like it is a power struggle. But to answer your question, he is frustrated at me because I want to talk more, hang out more, and "am pushy for a relationship" again so that causes him to back away and disappear for days to sometimes a couple of weeks. As far as maturity for a relationship, he told me that he does like being single and the freedom that comes along with being single. He said it wasn't the partying or the other girls but that he can come and go as he pleases and not have to worry about how someone else is going to react to him doing what he wants to do. Granted, we were in a relationship on and off for 6 years with 2-3 year increments.
Hi sweetie, thanks for updating us with your progress.
What exactly is he frustrated by, you telling him you need a breather? Now he is pinning it on you complaining you havent changed? He needs to get it together. From what im reading you are investing a lot in your personal growth and that is wonderful. I dont think he can handle you, and if he deals with his issues by partying, getting wasted and hooking up with random women - you are dodging a bullet here. Ask yourself why do you want to be on the same page with someone like that? i dont think he is mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
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Posted by wanderlusting 12/23/2016 5:43 am | #7 |
And that is what I told him but when I said something about it, he retaliated with me being judgmental and acting like a second mommy. Sometimes it feels lose lose with him.
Hi sweetie, thanks for updating us with your progress.
What exactly is he frustrated by, you telling him you need a breather? Now he is pinning it on you complaining you havent changed? He needs to get it together. From what im reading you are investing a lot in your personal growth and that is wonderful. I dont think he can handle you, and if he deals with his issues by partying, getting wasted and hooking up with random women - you are dodging a bullet here. Ask yourself why do you want to be on the same page with someone like that? i dont think he is mature enough to be in a relationship at all.Very good reply. Very well said. Drinking, partying and sleeping around instead of dealing with the issues is not how you handle anything. He isn't making any personal growth by doing all this.
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Posted by wanderlusting 12/23/2016 5:44 am | #8 |
Thank you. I keep doing my best to put all my trust and it isn't so much the right man as it is also the right timing. The Universe probably knows that I have some healing and working on myself first to do before I am able to fully present the best version of myself that is conducive for a healthy relationship.
Great advice..
Sweetie...trust in the universe...it's wants the best for you..ask for the universe for the best man for you...it could be this man... but it will be the best man for you. TRUST
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Posted by wanderlusting 12/23/2016 5:47 am | #9 |
Thank you so much for your response. I do think he has a hard time with dealing with my changes because he is always looking for the one time that I show anything remotely similar to any past reactions that I have done. He definitely is a grudge holder and apparently has a hard time with letting go and forgiveness and I brought this up to him the other night. Hopefully he will continue going to therapy and learn the art of forgiveness, not for other people but also for himself. I too have struggled with this but I have also realized that not forgiving someone doesn't necessarily hurt them, but it hurts the unforgiving party more.
I agree with what Aphrodite11 and emmiline have said here.
I also think he is doing this to punish you and have emmotional control over you. He is making a total dickhead of himself with the partying and the other (meaningless) women. He is desperately lashing out at you for the pain he is feeling and he is also wanting your attention very badly - even if it is bad attention. It's the behaviour of a naughty child trying everything to get a reaction from the mommie who is ignoring him.
This guy's heart is so clearly yours, so be cool, carry on with the pw and any of the other things you have been doing, and go about your life as usual.
Oh and one more thing: although it does take two to tango when a relationship breaks down, he seemed to be a little too insistant about your needing to change and work on yourself. From where I see it you have been working on yourself beautifully. If anything, the one who needs to change is him, not you.
